Community Chat

[Lila Belle]

You might be doing your husband a favor by leaving.

[deja vu]

Hi, I don't think everyone wants to tear you apart here. This is a serious situation, and I can see both sides, and you do have a situation.

Sounds as if you already have a connection with your HS boyfriend, so it has already past just you dreaming and pining over him.

I cannot give you the right advice..but I would not judge you for doing what you feel is the right thing to do. You already know what is involved. So just be prepared for what you will have to go through. I can tell you for sure that the grass is not always greener on the other side....so be sure if you leave !

[Suziepeach]

The grass is never greener, stay true to your husband.. 

One of my co-workers, many years ago, called her husband of over 35 years and her two sons together for a meeting.. she dropped a huge bomb and devastated the entire family, she left them for a woman.  I know I know and I am not passing judgement.  

[missy1]

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@kittymoxy wrote:
"Selfish, self-centered and cruel". Isn't it more self-centered, selfish and cruel to be living a lie?!?! I HAVE stayed with my husband all these years for reasons like: fear of the grass isn't greener on the other side, wanting an intact family, etc. but I feel like it's a big lie and I just can't do it any more. I'm 57 years old and I have one life to live. It's a very scary thought changing my whole life.

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The truth is you are not in a happy marriage. I gathered that by your first post. If I wasn't happy, I would go. It doesn't mean you will find happiness with your old flame either. 

[kittymoxy]

I truly appreciate all of your feedback. I did go to a very competent psychologist for years who was def of the pro stay married line of thinking. It is really surprising to me that most of you all seem to be of the mind that I should essentially stay in a loveless marriage. Yes I do love my husband but I'm not in love with him. Yeah, that "old story". And I am CRAZY in love with the other man. I'm sorry but that is the truth.

[KentuckyWoman]

Are you in love with the man he is now or the kid he was 28 years ago?  Are you willing to destroy your family and lose the love and respect of your children over an obsession.  I think you might want to give therapy another try. 

[beach-mom]

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@Sunshine Kate wrote:

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@Citrine1 wrote:

My friend recently left her husband after 30 years of marriage.  She, too, fell in love with another man.  

Her family is in shambles.  Her husband is devastated and his health is suffering as a result.  Their five children (aged 12 - 25) don't know whether they are coming or going or which parent to "side" with.  

She thought the grass would be greener on the other side.  It's not.  

I'd say think long and hard before you make any decisions.

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@Citrine1

You hit the "nail on the head".  I agree with you totally.  

Everyone thinks the grass will be greener on the other side.  NOT!!!

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My once-close friend went through this. She had 3 sons, and would always tell DD never to "settle," which she thought she had done. She finished college and found herself in her hometown with a male high school friend who was single also. So why not get married? Over 20 years later, her college boyfriend was in the area and drove by her home. She happened to be outside. She had stars in her eyes and her life changed completely. "He" had been married and divorced twice, no children. Her oldest was a senior in high school. The family was torn apart. They got a divorce. She followed him across the country with her two youngest boys. She completely changed her lifestyle. Things important to her once no longer mattered. She lost touch with all of us who were close to her. The boys had a rough time and felt pulled in different directions. The older one sided with his dad, the youngest with her, the middle one was really torn. 

I hear she's back on the east coast by herself. I don't know what happened - none of us do. We knew her husband pretty well. DH used to see him from time to time. I felt really bad for him. I tried to support my friend, who claims she was never happy, but it was really hard. And the saddest thing is -- her boys knew how she felt!

All I can say to you is "your poor husband." I can't imagine what it's like to live that long with someone when you're not in love and not happy. 

[Lila Belle]

So, leave. Everyone will be better off knowing the truth about you.

[lobstergal]

Sorry but I completely disagree with everyone saying you should stay with your husband.

You should pack your bags and leave now because your husband doesn't deserve to have a wife who clearly doesn't love him and is pinning for another man.