Community Chat

[kittymoxy]

He has had 2 brief marriages. I would support myself with alimony until husband retires. We also have a very sizable retirement which I'd get half of. And to whoever called it HIS money- I don't think so!!!! I have never looked at it that way and neither does the state of ---!!! I raised 2 wonderful human beings who have never been in trouble with anybody, I have fed this family(and fed them well!) and I have made sure my husband and family goes to work and school with perfectly laundered clothes and everything else they need. I feel I have earned my keep!

[Juniebugz]

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@Pearlee wrote:

I know!  Just lately this Community Chat forum is turning into a Dear Abby column!

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[tansy]

I believe alimony ends if you remarry and it's not a given.

Two brief marriages?  LOL.  Lots of luck😏

[qbetzforreal]

You're 57 years old.  Do what you want.  Why stay if your heart hasn't been there in oh so many years.  That's not selfish.  That's self  preservation. I'm sure your husband is aware.  Like you, he has chosen not to address the elephant in the room.  There will be consequences to your actions, just be prepared to deal with them realistically.

[Mrsq2022]

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@kittymoxy wrote:
He has had 2 brief marriages. I would support myself with alimony until husband retires. We also have a very sizable retirement which I'd get half of. And to whoever called it HIS money- I don't think so!!!! I have never looked at it that way and neither does the state of ---!!! I raised 2 wonderful human beings who have never been in trouble with anybody, I have fed this family(and fed them well!) and I have made sure my husband and family goes to work and school with perfectly laundered clothes and everything else they need. I feel I have earned my keep!

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At 57, I would hope that you would have the dignity not to take alimony so that you can leave your husband for another man.  Trust me, your children will despise you, as will everyone that knows you.  I don't even know you and this paragraph has shown me who you are...and I don't like it.  

[kittymoxy]

What is stopping me from leaving? Hmmmm....I don't want to destroy my family. I'm sure many of you will say I already have. I don't want to destroy my family but I DO want to be with the other man. In fact, I want to marry him. I'm tired of living a lie. It wears in the soul. I love my house. We've lived in the same home for 25 years. Contrary to what it might seem, my kids have had a very stable life. I'm just scared, ladies!!! Geez!!! I can't help the way I FEEL.

[dooBdoo]

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Citrine2 wrote:

My friend recently left her husband after 30 years of marriage.  She, too, fell in love with another man.  

Her family is in shambles.  Her husband is devastated and his health is suffering as a result.  Their five children (aged 12 - 25) don't know whether they are coming or going or which parent to "side" with.  

She thought the grass would be greener on the other side.  It's not.  

I'd say think long and hard before you make any decisions.

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      I'm trying to go back and more carefully read the posts...  this one bears repeating, in my opinion.

[Sister Golden Hair]

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@kittymoxy wrote:
"Selfish, self-centered and cruel". Isn't it more self-centered, selfish and cruel to be living a lie?!?! I HAVE stayed with my husband all these years for reasons like: fear of the grass isn't greener on the other side, wanting an intact family, etc. but I feel like it's a big lie and I just can't do it any more. I'm 57 years old and I have one life to live. It's a very scary thought changing my whole life.

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@kittymoxy If you are unhappy in your marriage then you need to get out.

But do it for your self not another man.

I wouldn't go into another relationship till you spend some time alone.

I would explain to this man that you need some time. Then you can decide what you want to do about him.

I have a friend that left after 40 years of marriage but her husband was very mean.

Do it for the right reason.

Snoopy said "I thought the grass was greener on the other side till I jumped the fence and found astro-turf.

[kittymoxy]

Dignity not to take alimony?!?!? Are you kidding?!?!? He couldn't have built that career without my help!!!

[jubilant]

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@kittymoxy wrote:
Ladies, help!! I've been married for 32 years to a wonderful man and I've been pining for my high school boyfriend for the last 28 years. Have 2 wonderful grown children. I'm thinking life is short, I want a divorce but it tears me apart the thought of breaking up my family. My husband will be devastated!! I'm tormented and would love to hear some opinions.

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*************I think you already know what the right thing to do is. Does your DH know about the affair?  Does your DH still want you? 

   If it tears you apart now ("the thought of breaking up your family") a family you yourself describe as wonderful..... what do you think it will be like when they are all reeling in pain and you know who caused it? 

Please count the cost, my dear.  If you didn't really love your spouse any longer....... it would have been better to have been honest with him about that.  You didn't have to have an affair to accomplish that. I think your family could have understood that a little better.  This way you have just betrayed everyone.  Even if you still get a divorce.....you need to apologize for breaking your marriage vows.  Personally, I think you are letting yourself in for a world of hurt.