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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,309
Registered: ‎10-15-2010

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims

[ Edited ]

It seems some here think they know how other people should act or behave or what really should constitute grounds for a complaint or an accustation then or now when they've never, I mean never been close to being in a position or situation like that. Somehow because they've never had to contend with it, they cast balme on other women who have.

 

Women can't catch a break even from other women. If you are in that situation somehow it's your fault. If you stay silent, it's your fault. If you speak up, I don't believe you. How could you allow someone to treat you like that? Why didn't you do this or that. That never happened to me and if it did I know I would deal with it better than you. 

 

It shouldn't surprise me but it always does. The arrogance of saying you shoulda, coulda and it wouldn't happen to me is very well alive. 

~Live with Intention~
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,267
Registered: ‎03-27-2012

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims


@suzyQ3 wrote:

@SusieQ_2 wrote:

@suzyQ3 wrote:

Let's think about this a minute.  Yes, I've said repeatedly that this about more than just casual flirting. But that certainly doesn't mean that the actions have to rise rape or assault in order for the perp to be outed for harassment.

 

And frankly, I haven't seen any accusation of bath towel incident that wasn't just one of many accusation, many of which were higher on the scale of harassment.

 

So there is a legal component in some cases but more often a serious moral and ethical question about men who behave this way, especially those in positions of power.

 

The "I can do anything I want because of who I am" mantra is dead.


I certainly hope so @suzyQ3, along with the "I'll just go along with it because of who he is" mantra. Both need to end. 


@SusieQ_2, I hope so too. As to your next hope, I can give only a lukewarm nod  because I know that still in our society there are mryiad factors other than a lack of morals or character that can and do lead to passivity.


Which actually goes back to what I originally replied to. If the "I can do anything I want because of who I am" mantra really is dead then those circumstances would be eliminated.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,439
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims

Sometimes it's also outside the work place. Maybe less significant situations.  'Still', none the less, they should back off.   Some 'perps'/acquaintances/family members just 'won't stop'.   Whatever we might ask (to stop), they just don't care and won't listen.  And because it's so bizarre (and extremely childish), most outsiders/others wouldn't believe it.   I do think that the reason why many victims didn't say anything (at that time) it's because that they knew that they wouldn't be believed.  

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,267
Registered: ‎03-27-2012

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims


@NycVixen wrote:

It seems some here think they know how other people should act or behave or what really should constitute grounds for a complaint or an accustation then or now when they've never, I mean never been close to being in a position or situation like that. Somehow because they've never had to contend with it, they cast balme on other women who have.

 

Women can't catch a break even from other women. If you are in that situation somehow it's your fault. If you stay silent, it's your fault. If you speak up, I don't believe you. How could you allow someone to treat you like that? Why didn't you do this or that. That never happened to me and if it did I know I would deal with it better than you. 

 

It shouldn't surprise me but it always does. The arrogance of saying you shoulda, coulda and it wouldn't happen to me is very well alive. 


That's quite a stretch. First of all, how could you possibly know what types of situations anyone here has, or has not been, involved in? Secondly,  I haven't seen one person say that women who are harassed shouldn't speak up. 

 

As far as women not catching a break from other women, I've got news for you. It's one thing to support women, it's quite another to assume every person is innocent simply because of their gender--man or woman.

There's a huge difference between saying "I don't believe you" and saying that there are times when a person has contributed to a bad situation by using poor judgement. Heaven forbid anyone suggest that people exercise sound judgement and good sense. 

 

Yes, as women we need to be careful. We are our own first line of defense. As far as saying shoulda, woulda, coulda, maybe if more of us consider ahead of time what we would do if faced with such a situation we would be better prepared if such a circumstance arises. We don't have to be run down by a speeding car to know it's prudent to use a crosswalk. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,427
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims


@NycVixen wrote:

It seems some here think they know how other people should act or behave or what really should constitute grounds for a complaint or an accustation then or now when they've never, I mean never been close to being in a position or situation like that. Somehow because they've never had to contend with it, they cast balme on other women who have.

 

Women can't catch a break even from other women. If you are in that situation somehow it's your fault. If you stay silent, it's your fault. If you speak up, I don't believe you. How could you allow someone to treat you like that? Why didn't you do this or that. That never happened to me and if it did I know I would deal with it better than you. 

 

It shouldn't surprise me but it always does. The arrogance of saying you shoulda, coulda and it wouldn't happen to me is very well alive. 


@NycVixen

 

Thank you. Once again you have succinctly and eloquently given your point of view.  I completely agree with you and quite honestly it turns my stomach to hear women disavow what many of us have experienced. 

 

The very nature of this topic can bring out a very vindictive side of me that would suggest "let's see how you feel about this subject should it happen to your granddaughter."   

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,267
Registered: ‎03-27-2012

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims

I take it you mean elsewhere since no one here (that I know of) has disavowed the experiences of anyone here?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims

These threads, especially the Sexual Harasser/Abuser of the Day, are at this point just boiling down to adding Famous Male # 534, #535, etc and Non-Famous Male #6,754 to “The List”, and providing one more new thread per day, hour, etc where women can bash men and each other at the same time. Whoopee.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,267
Registered: ‎03-27-2012

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims

[ Edited ]

@Maudlynn wrote:

@SusieQ_2 wrote:

@Maudlynn wrote:

@SusieQ_2 wrote:

Actually, I don't think she's off the mark at all. She made it clear she's not talking about actual assaults like rape. We actually haven't seen too many of those allegations made or at least not that I'm aware of. Have there been arrests? Most of the accusations have been "he kissed me" or "he spoke badly to me" or  "I went to his hotel room for a 'business meeting' and he came out wearing a towel" and waiting for decades to speak up. 

 

I agree with her regarding the phrase of what has now become nothing more than a  cliché which is "That's victim shaming." Thank goodness for women like Pamela Anderson who didn't back down to those on social media who attacked her for stating the truth. Seriously, if I went to someone's hotel and was greeted by a towel wearing perv yet proceeded to enter his room I'd be embarrassed-- no, I'd be offended-- to be called a victim.  

 

Yes there are circumstances where people are victimized and to blame, or to shame, them is wrong. But there are also those who need to take responsibility for their own behavior. There is a difference in the two and I believe that's the point @chrystaltree was making. 

 

 

 


And who makes the judgement as to who the women are who need to "take responsibility for their own behavior"? You?


@Maudlynn Who is making the judgement about those who have been accused? You?

 

I could barely read your question with a straight face. See how silly such a question looks? 

 

How about the courts...a judge or jury? Isn't that where cases of sexual assault should be decided?

 


You said that some women have a legit claim and others don't and should just get over it and accept responsibility for their behavior. I guess it's you who makes that judgement? You and people who think like you.

The way most thinking, feeling people see it, if a woman has had a negative reaction to some sexual advance someone has made, it's only her reaction to it that matters. Not what YOU and your ilk think constitutes a proper reaction. Courts, judge and jury aren't involved in cases that don't include outright assault. This is why women need to be believed. Exactly the reason. 

And there's nothing funny or silly about it.

.


Wrong. I didn't say some have a legit claim and others don't. I said there are times when a person has contributed to a situation by using bad judgement.  NEVER did I say that women should not be believed and NEVER EVER did I say anyone "should just get over it."

 

I'm not sure why you find the need to make this stuff, so please, in the future I'd appreciate you not use your imagination to fabricate things I've said. TIA.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,685
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims


@NycVixen wrote:

@chrystaltree wrote:

@Skididdy wrote:

What is wrong with everyone ??? Country is going to heck, and individuals clearly have zero moral fiber.  I just PRAY THAT WITH THE HIGHLIGHT ON ALL THESE BEHAVIORS OF MISCONDUCT THAT IT WILL CHANGE THINGS FROM THIS DAY FORWARD FOR MY TEEN AGE DAUGHTERS.  LETS HOPE.  THATS ALL WE SEEM TO HAVE THESE DAYS !


 

   

      That's a nice dream but it will never happen as long we blame the men, banish them and think that doing so will somehow solve a systemic problem that also involves women.  It isn't just a problem with how SOME men treat and behave toward women, it's also a matter of how too many women under value themselves and are willing to accept abuse and mistreatment because it's easier for them to just accept it or because they feel they have something to gain by accepting the situation.  Highlighting all this garbage is just entertainment for the masses, at this point.  First, we have to separate the genuine assault or rape case from the "he tried to kiss me" and "he touched my rear" cases.  Those are NOT the same thing!   I'm still waiting to see some arrests of the men who truly assaulted women, which is a crime.  I'd like to see an end to the the media farce.  Right now any woman can just claim that any many did anything to her at any time in her life and if that man is newsworthy....everyone believes it.  People fall all over themselves believing it.   No proof needed.  It's ridiculous.   Nothing will change until or I should say unless, our society gets serious about changing how men and women relate to each other.  You have teenage daughter, I have daughters in their early 30's.  I think our daughters have to learn to take care of themselves and I don't mean self defense classes.  Right now, if you dare say something like that, people call it "blaming the vicitim" when actually, it's "empowering women".   


@chrystaltree You are so off the mark. You clearly have no understanding of the problem. I've written numerous posts regarding this so I won't repeat myself here.

 

I work in women's empowerment every day and trust me what you're saying is not empowerment. You're blaming women for being "willing to accept abuse and mistreatment because it's easier" and because women "undervalue themselves". 

 

Women aren't just undervaluing themselves; society undervalues women. Women's suffering is not taken seriously. Women are deemed expendable. From experience and from my work I can tell you with 100% confidence no woman just accepts abuse and it isn't easier to stay silent.

 

To say anything is easier regarding any abusive situation is so egregious. Many women who fight back and defend themselves face retaliation and have even lost their lives. 

 

You should be careful perpetuating these erroneous ideas because they reinforce dangerous stereotypes and the abuse women face. From my work I can tell you that this type of abuse extends far beyond the female victim; it affects her children, family and society as a whole. 

 

We all pay a price when abuse becomes normalized. 


The stereotype is that women are victims and objects of abuse and that this arises entirely and is the fault ONLY of men.  Ain't so!  There has to be an agreed upon set or moral standards and personal responsibility on both sides before anything good comes out of this discussion we are having now. 

 

And yes, of course casual teen sex leads directly to many of the situations we see today.  If it's ok in high school, why not later in life?  People aren't as shocked by hooking up now, and it is a more common occurance.  So how do you weigh out all that?  You can't just look at every woman as a victim and not every woman has to be.  But all is not right and fair in the world and we have to teach young women to not put themselves in a situation where they can be attacked.  The key here is to prevent it, and to teach women to take responsibility--more than a lot of todays young ladies do.


Saying it's wrong doesn't stop this from happening. 

 

But everybody needs to understand what the game is.  And it IS a game and a very dangerous one that people, both male and female, get caught up in.  It is a competition in many cases now days.   I can't imagine being young now.  So much of life isn't the more clear cut decisions we had to make in my day, and I don't feel that society is doing a very good job of helping our young people understand some of the situations they will encounter.  Yes it's wrong, but that doesn't prevent it happening. 

 

Again, I am talking about average people, not the truly sick among us. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,847
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Mario Batalli Sexual Misconduct Claims

I wish men would start speaking up against women for this also.  It takes two to tango.