@RedTop wrote:
I don’t look at the situation in the way you described at all.
I have 3 close friends I honor thru donations, and they have always been touched by the gesture. My childhood friend lives far away from WV. I don’t travel, and have never visited her; she visits this area every 2-3 years. She rescues feral cats in her hometown, so I donate to our local shelters spay and neuter program in her name. She loves that.
Friend #2 is local; I see her 2-3x a year, although we text or talk more often. Her husband had a horrible work accident years ago that disabled him. He received numerous blood donations that helped save his life. I donated blood products and money to the Red Cross in his honor, which makes her happy.
Friend #3 is also local. She is several years older than me, and lost several unborn grandchildren due to genetic abnormalities. I have made donations in memory of those babies, which makes her happy, since she still mentions them often.
My husband and I don’t do tax deductions on our income.
I think all of those are lovely, heartfelt, and wonderful. But they are special to the people involved, and IMO that's all the difference. It's not surprising at all that your friends are appreciative.
A very close friend of mine gave me a gift one year that was a donation to a cause that was completely random - not important to her, and not important in any way to me. I'm a big believer in "it's the thought that counts", and I never mind when I receive a gift that I don't particularly like. But I honestly was hurt and disappointed. It was kind of a gimmicky thing, not even the kind of charity that most people would think of - ill children, animals, veterans, the homeless, medical research, things of that sort. It seemed really impersonal and not really like a gift at all. I knew that she meant well and it had been well-intentioned, but I never forgot how it made me feel.
On the other hand, a young family member passed away a number of years ago, and we set up a medical research fund in his memory. Many people contributed to it at the time of his death, and occasionally we're still notified of contributions. I would always be touched by anyone "gifting" me with a donation to that fund. Each and every contribution is very special to our family.
I think the problem is with random donations, which IMO often look self-serving, and almost always seem to be an easy way out. If someone feels inclined to get a gift for me and can't think of anything, I'd honestly prefer they just send a holiday card with warm wishes.
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