Community Chat

[chi5925]

Happy Friday one-and-all, found these on Huffpost.  Enjoy......

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Wife: I'm behind on my sleep. I need to catch up.

Me: How much more do you need?

Wife: Just a year. Maybe two.

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Wife:  Why won’t those football players listen to the excellent advice my husband is screaming at them?

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Husband:  Before getting married, I didn’t know there’s a wrong way to breathe.

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Wife:  Can somebody PLEASE make my husband stop referring to blueberries as blobs?

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Husband:  What’s it called when you agree to do something your wife asks you to do but still get in trouble for making the wrong facial expression when you agree to do it?

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Husband trying to impress his wife:  Look, I’m wearing a shirt without holes in it.

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Dating:  I would climb the highest mountain for you, swim the deepest ocean, etc.

Married:  I love you, but not enough to change the toilet paper roll.

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Wife:  Alexa, why does my husband ask me questions he could just ask you instead?

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Husband:  I told my wife I saw a huge spider crawl into our basement pantry so my secret stash of Twix should be safe for a couple of weeks.

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Wife:  My husband claims I’m driving him to an early grave which is clearly ridiculous because nobody has ever been early to anything I’ve driven them to.

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Husband:  You’d think for $40 they’d be able to cut anything but apparently my wife’s expensive craft scissors are not for opening ice pops.