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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,903
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

Every man thinks every woman's dream is to find

a perfect man.  Please!!!  Every woman's dream 

is to eat without getting fat.

 

Closing your eyes after turning off the

alarm is a very dangerous game.

 

           I LIKE TO MAKE LISTS

I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen

counter and then guess what's on the list

while at the store.

 

 

My stomach if FLAT.

The L is silent.

 

I stay up late because after 10:00 PM is the

only time of day that no one expects me to

do anything for them.

 

I hate when someone rings my doorbell because

then I have to drop whatever I'm doing and

pretend I'm not home.

 

Is anyone really confident how they say -

            "WORCESTERSHIRE

                    SAUCE?"

 

I wish I could drop my body off at the gym

and pick it up when it's ready.

 

Can we start the weekend over again?

I wasn't ready.

 

Thank you for pretending not to see me when

I was pretending not to see you in order to

avoid a miserably awkward conversation

that neither of us wants to have.

 

I live at work and visit the house sometimes.

 

If you are arguing loudly on your phone in

public please put it on speaker, I need

to hear both sides of the story.

 

Do you ever have so much planned for the

next day and then you wake up and are

just like "NAH"

 

Nutritional labels should include a "What if

I ate the whole thing" section.

 

The book we really needed was what to expect

12 years after you were expecting.

 

I hate it when my GPS tells me to head south

east after leaving the parking lot...girl, do I 

need to turn left or right?

 

My eating habits range from supermodel yoga

enthusiast to hungry unsupervised child

in a candy store.

 

I had a lot of stuff to do today, now I

have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.

 

The two things I love more than anything

in the world:

1.  Being with my kids.

2.  Not being with my kids.

 

I don't care how old I am, I will never

sleep with the closet door open.

 

Hi, I finished  my free trial of adulthood and

I'm no longer interested so would like to

cancel my subscription.  Is there a manager

I can talk to?

 

                         DIET TIP:

If you think you are hungry you just might be thirsty.

Drink a pitcher of Margaritas and see how you feel.

 

                   And just like that 1969 was

                                50 years ago.

 

 

 

 

    

                           

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Honored Contributor
Posts: 26,999
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

 

 

LOL   Thanks ....  I needed that ... 

 

(remember that commercial?)

Super Contributor
Posts: 424
Registered: ‎09-07-2014

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

@Lindsays Grandma  Thanks for sharing! I totally agree with all of them, especially writing the list then leaving it on the counter. 😄

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,746
Registered: ‎06-14-2010

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

What a great post, I love it and I can relate to many of the sayings!!!!!  Food for thought for sure!!

Contributor
Posts: 38
Registered: ‎07-14-2010

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

Everything on that list is so true. Espeially the last one. And just like that, 1969 was 50 years ago.  It seems like just yesterday.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,423
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

@Lindsays Grandma  Thank you for all your compilations.  I eagerly click onto every new thread from you, knowing it will bring a smile and chuckles.  Your efforts are appreciated!

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,886
Registered: ‎05-18-2017

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

Enjoyed the post!  It's all so very true!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 933
Registered: ‎12-09-2018

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

This is funny but true. I like the one about sleeping with closest closed! Never leave it open though I'm not afraid of what's in there any more. When I was a child if that door was open even a sliver, I would gather the courage to shut it.LOL
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,613
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

I always keep my shopping list with my reusable shopping bags...that way I forget both of them!
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,613
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: MORE CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

I have to keep both our br closet doors closed.,.kitty loves to get inside and prowl around...and drag things off of hangers, etc. when she hears us open one of them, she appears out of nowhere for a chance to get inside.