Community Chat

[Shanus]

@Noel7. Appreciate your reply...have no room to copy quote. Her doc says she’s OK. She lives in a small retirement city where so many people are 80 and over. No one would have a license if dmv gave each a driving test. They’d also need to double their staff. Lol

[cherry]

@Shanus  I think this is going to be your hardest challenge. I am not sure there is a good way to do this, other than the safety in numbers strategy, with your siblings

If all of you tell her she has to stop, and take the keys, and maybe even the car, there isn't anything she can do, except get mad, and maybe stop speaking to you

As hard as this is, just remember you are doing it for her own good, and for the good of  other people on the road. I don't know anything about Fla, but ,maybe they are more tolerant of older drivers ,because of the age of their  residents?

[riley1]

@Shanus - Does the retirement place she lives have some form of Senior transport - to the grocery store, etc.? That might help in your making this decision.

My mom knew when she was done, she put the keys on the table. I never felt she was unable to drive herself, but I guess she felt differently - was fine by me!

[Shanus]

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@cherrywrote:

@Shanus  I think this is going to be your hardest challenge. I am not sure there is a good way to do this, other than the safety in numbers strategy, with your siblings

If all of you tell her she has to stop, and take the keys, and maybe even the car, there isn't anything she can do, except get mad, and maybe stop speaking to you

As hard as this is, just remember you are doing it for her own good, and for the good of  other people on the road. I don't know anything about Fla, but ,maybe they are more tolerant of older drivers ,because of the age of their  residents?

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@cherry  She’s 90 min. away, not FL. Oh Geez, if she was driving on I 95, I’d really be scared!!!

[Shanus]

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@riley1wrote:

@Shanus - Does the retirement place she lives have some form of Senior transport - to the grocery store, etc.? That might help in your making this decision.

My mom knew when she was done, she put the keys on the table. I never felt she was unable to drive herself, but I guess she felt differently - was fine by me!

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@riley1  Of course. Free van service. She wants to come & go at her convenience. She has an answer for everything....and very stubborn.

[Skyegirl21]

She should not be driving. Gently tell her she poses a threat to herself and others on the road- Hide the keys or have the doctor tell her!

I have friend who’s elderly Mother killed a teen in an accident she caused. The signs were there she should no longer be driving but they neglected to take away the keys.  There was tremendous guilt and an expensive civil lawsuit-  

[Sooner]

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@Shanuswrote:

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@riley1wrote:

@Shanus - Does the retirement place she lives have some form of Senior transport - to the grocery store, etc.? That might help in your making this decision.

My mom knew when she was done, she put the keys on the table. I never felt she was unable to drive herself, but I guess she felt differently - was fine by me!

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@riley1  Of course. Free van service. She wants to come & go at her convenience. She has an answer for everything....and very stubborn.

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You either have to do what needs to be done or not.  She's not going to want to comply with you.  I say that because I have been there and done that.  You often don't get anything but the bad guy to do the right thing.  THat's what makes it so difficult.  It is a thankless and heart wrenching thing to do.  You don't do it because you need to or want to.  The only reason you do it is that you have to. . . 

[Northray]

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@Shanuswrote:

 Mom will be 90 in July, so some forgetfulness is expected. She’s living on her own with an aid 3 hrs. each morning to help w/ showers, dressing, light housekeeping. There is assisted living available on the property of the gated community.

She is mentally sharp & still pays her own bills, checkbook, banking, etc. She’s forgetting which way to turn when in the car, forgets to take cell phone (so driving w/o it in case of emergency), having difficulty remembering what she wanted to say mid-conversation, etc.

My Dad passed away before he got to this point, so no experience with this.

Opinions?

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Well it's hard.  I posted about my Gram exhibiting signs of early on set dementia on the wellness board several months ago.  She's 77, you've been blessed that this is just now a problem for your mom, in her 90's, really wow.  I'm struggling with seeing her like this myself.  

[patbz]

My Dad had Macular Degeneration and drove basically blind for years.  One time he picked us up at a metropolitan airport and my husband had to tell him every turn (it was night).  After that experience I sold his car without even asking (I had power of attorney and he was in his eighties).  He never berated me, I know he knew it was time (and of course, there was a public safety issue).  He passed at 88 with advanced parkinsons, but no dementia.

[AuntG]

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@Shanuswrote:

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@riley1wrote:

@Shanus - Does the retirement place she lives have some form of Senior transport - to the grocery store, etc.? That might help in your making this decision.

My mom knew when she was done, she put the keys on the table. I never felt she was unable to drive herself, but I guess she felt differently - was fine by me!

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@riley1  Of course. Free van service. She wants to come & go at her convenience. She has an answer for everything....and very stubborn.

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Oh how I remember my dad having an answer for everything.  It's frustrating for sure. Also doctors saying he was his own person and not getting involved in spite of the ridiculous answers my dad gave.