Community Chat

[Drythe]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

Of course, we are talking generalities but I think it depends on what stage of person's life you are talking about.  I do think marriage enhances a man's life and makes him happier and healthier at any age.  Assuming the man married the right woman for him and is financially secure.  A man can improve is financial life by marrying a woman who is willing to be an equal partner when it comes to earnings.  Women don't always have that option during their child bearing and child raising years.  Women are the primrary homemakers and family makers even when they work full time outside the home.  The toliets still have to be scrubbed, the laundry has to be done, the chicken has to go in the oven if if the woman has put in an 8 hour day at work.  Yes, indeed.  I do think at that stage of life; women who chose not to have children and/or not to marry are much happier.  Today being single does not mean a woman doesn't have a man and all the lovely things that go with having man.  With high divorce rates, marrige is an option for women now anyway.  It's not a goal.  But!  The opposite is true 20 years later.  Happily married  women  with children and then  grandchildren are far happier that childless women in the same age group.  At a certain point in their lives, it's hard for women to find men they really want to be with.  Hard for them to find men at all because men seem to gravitate to younger women.  And they can get them.  I've very close to women who chose to be single and childless and while they have good lives, there's something missing.  They admit that.  There's a joy and a comfort and security in having a life partner that you have built a life with.  A happiness, a contentment that I wouldn't give up for a million dollars.  Long ago, I once wanted that "Mary Tyler Moore" or "Marlo Thomas' That Girl" type of life too.  Single and free with the great apartment and the cool single girl wardrobe.  But 30 years later, I see what that life leads to and I thank the heavens that my life choices did not lead me there.    There's nothing better or healthier or happier  than  marriage and family....for a man or a woman.   Of course, we always have to qualify it by saying a good marriage to the right person, a person who makes you happy.   

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@chrystaltree 

The significance of your views is compromised by the use of such Broad Generalities.  

Obviously you don't know Everyone, so you don't speak with any veracity in saying that that 'happily married women with children / grandchildren are far happier then Childless women.'  

You don't know Everything, so to say 'Nothing is better, healthier, or happier than marriage and family ... for a man or woman' again, lacks creditability.

Your statements would carry more weight if you limited them to your own certain knowledge rather than speak as if you know All.

[Gorgf]

This has turned into an interesting thread. I can relate to many posts.  I was never told such but it was implied to be able to  support myself, get an educatiion. This is probably because my Grandmother had 6 children and a husband who walked away in the depression era. She cleaned houses and managed to help send four out of the 6 to college.There are no Knights in Shining Armor.

I also went through a divorce at age 52 and had a few tough years beginning in 2008  a job loss but  picked up the pieces and worked until I could retire at age 65. I  am enjoying retirement a lot and wish I could have done it sooner, but it was not meant to be. 

Being healthy is so important and taking steps to help  maintain good health. I am lucky to be able to travel and do what I want when I want. I  loved being married but the other half was never happy and still  isnt as after me, tried two more marriages. It took 10 years to find peace but I am there. I dated but the older one is, the worse it all seems as our habits, preferences and wants and needs. I have my dog and pet people who have become a family of sorts. 

[proudlyfromNJ]

I am perfectly happy to not have kids. Never wanted them. But I really wouldn’t say that people that don’t have kids are happier the people that do just as it’s silly to say people that have kids are happier. 

[ScarletDove]

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@trenet wrote:

It would be interesting to read the the details of the “study”.  

How large the group, ages, incomes, background etc.

Were they filling out a questionnaire or being interviewed?

How were the questions worded?

We all know questions can show some bias by wording. Also, were they open-ended or were the subjects given choices?   All these things make a difference. 

Were the people self-reporting as to their “happiness”?  

Sometimes  respondents, depending on current situation, mood desire to please the interviewer or wanting to appear in a certain way, will respond differently.   It would also be interesting if or how both members of the same couple responded!  

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@trenet  Amen to your comment! Your questions are interesting and quite relevant for the manner in which the study was conducted and did the personal opinion and experience of the scientists working this study affect the results. Was this a one-time short-term study or a longitudinal study? Who conducted the study; who employed researcher; who backed funding; for what purpose was it done? All these are important factors to any kind of research assessment.

[ROMARY]

'I don't know'.............It's been seeming to me (I know, not great grammar) that women with babies/children (maybe in their late thirties/forties/early fifties?) are over-doing everything.

Work, and children's activities, etc.

I see them racing in and out of their driveways, hearing them return late at week nights. 

Not only in my area, but folks I know who live in other fairly distant areas  have been  thinking and saying the same.

'Seems to me' that there is a possibility that all of that stress could be shortening their life span. 

Too much stress over a long period of time (years and years) couldn't be too healthy.

But, 'what do I know'.  Just guessing, and hope I'm wrong.

p.s.  'On the other hand', just maybe women who have 'cushy', relaxing jobs (such as receptionists, etc.) might be fairly 'relaxed' and happy in their jobs. (No-stress jobs, in other words.  Sort of a 'rest', in-between child-raising, and  activities, etc. 

I say this because I've found temporary receptionist jobs were very relaxing (for me).  Answering phones and being pleasant to clients, etc.

Sort of a 'vacation' at work.

Wishing all well, no matter what.

[BirkiLady]

@ROMARY  What you consider a "cushy" or "relaxed" job, may not be if you had to work that position every day for eight hours a day.  

As upper management, we were always asked to find extra things for those positions to do to keep their minds active. Otherwise, they were scouting the ads and internet for other jobs. It's far from a "relaxed" or "cushy" job. A receptionist position is often tedious and boring! 

[SeaMaiden]

Happily Married and  Happily Childfree .....

[ROMARY]

Birkilady:

Just answering from my own personal experiences.

Time 'flew by', and very relaxing (for me). 

I was just thinking that, in comparison to the extreme stresses of other more demanding jobs, sitting at a desk in a pleasant environment, greeting clients, answering phones has been very relaxing (for me).  A few added filing, and whatever tasks, etc. which I was able to happily do.

It might be 8 hrs of relaxation  (for some) before returning home at night, caring for children, etc.

Oh, well. 

Wondering if I should remove my post..............

[ROMARY]

'Still', i think that too much long-term stress (women and men) couldn't be too healthy, in the long run.

I don't have any scientific studies to back my thoughts, though.

I've been wrong before.

[blackhole99]

I don't know any single, childless women my age( 68), so I will have to take their word for it. I know back in the day when I came up, the average woman was not as well educated, birth control and abortion were just coming on the scene so we were willing to take a change with marriage to enhance our lot in life. I know if I were doing it all over again, I would have gotten more education and not jumped into marriage at 23. That being said, I have had a great marriage and did have one child and certainly don't regret it.