Community Chat

[Cakers3]

Am I the only one noticing that this "expert" is only talking about male/female relationships???

He submits the "typical" male scenario and puts the "little woman" in a niche that can be interpreted as the harried housewife.

What about same-sex marriages? 

If he is going to assess specific characteristics to men and women, how does that fit in relationships that are not heterosexual??

I've heard these same theories through the years-and nobody has yet to convince me that a married woman is less happy without all the variables that can contribute to unhappiness-and being married is not the absolute.

[Nancy Drew]

Married or not, working mom or stay at home mom. Just another argument to pit women against each other. I say let the individuals pick their own path.

[chrystaltree]

Of course, we are talking generalities but I think it depends on what stage of person's life you are talking about.  I do think marriage enhances a man's life and makes him happier and healthier at any age.  Assuming the man married the right woman for him and is financially secure.  A man can improve is financial life by marrying a woman who is willing to be an equal partner when it comes to earnings.  Women don't always have that option during their child bearing and child raising years.  Women are the primrary homemakers and family makers even when they work full time outside the home.  The toliets still have to be scrubbed, the laundry has to be done, the chicken has to go in the oven if if the woman has put in an 8 hour day at work.  Yes, indeed.  I do think at that stage of life; women who chose not to have children and/or not to marry are much happier.  Today being single does not mean a woman doesn't have a man and all the lovely things that go with having man.  With high divorce rates, marrige is an option for women now anyway.  It's not a goal.  But!  The opposite is true 20 years later.  Happily married  women  with children and then  grandchildren are far happier that childless women in the same age group.  At a certain point in their lives, it's hard for women to find men they really want to be with.  Hard for them to find men at all because men seem to gravitate to younger women.  And they can get them.  I've very close to women who chose to be single and childless and while they have good lives, there's something missing.  They admit that.  There's a joy and a comfort and security in having a life partner that you have built a life with.  A happiness, a contentment that I wouldn't give up for a million dollars.  Long ago, I once wanted that "Mary Tyler Moore" or "Marlo Thomas' That Girl" type of life too.  Single and free with the great apartment and the cool single girl wardrobe.  But 30 years later, I see what that life leads to and I thank the heavens that my life choices did not lead me there.    There's nothing better or healthier or happier  than  marriage and family....for a man or a woman.   Of course, we always have to qualify it by saying a good marriage to the right person, a person who makes you happy.   

[chrystaltree]

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@Desertdi wrote:

I wonder how many (other) women have heard:   "Why can't you learn to cook like my mother?"

I'm pretty sure no man has said that to his wife since 1969...LOL

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[RetRN]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

Of course, we are talking generalities but I think it depends on what stage of person's life you are talking about.  I do think marriage enhances a man's life and makes him happier and healthier at any age.  Assuming the man married the right woman for him and is financially secure.  A man can improve is financial life by marrying a woman who is willing to be an equal partner when it comes to earnings.  Women don't always have that option during their child bearing and child raising years.  Women are the primrary homemakers and family makers even when they work full time outside the home.  The toliets still have to be scrubbed, the laundry has to be done, the chicken has to go in the oven if if the woman has put in an 8 hour day at work.  Yes, indeed.  I do think at that stage of life; women who chose not to have children and/or not to marry are much happier.  Today being single does not mean a woman doesn't have a man and all the lovely things that go with having man.  With high divorce rates, marrige is an option for women now anyway.  It's not a goal.  But!  The opposite is true 20 years later.  Happily married  women  with children and then  grandchildren are far happier that childless women in the same age group.  At a certain point in their lives, it's hard for women to find men they really want to be with.  Hard for them to find men at all because men seem to gravitate to younger women.  And they can get them.  I've very close to women who chose to be single and childless and while they have good lives, there's something missing.  They admit that.  There's a joy and a comfort and security in having a life partner that you have built a life with.  A happiness, a contentment that I wouldn't give up for a million dollars.  Long ago, I once wanted that "Mary Tyler Moore" or "Marlo Thomas' That Girl" type of life too.  Single and free with the great apartment and the cool single girl wardrobe.  But 30 years later, I see what that life leads to and I thank the heavens that my life choices did not lead me there.    There's nothing better or healthier or happier  than  marriage and family....for a man or a woman.   Of course, we always have to qualify it by saying a good marriage to the right person, a person who makes you happy.   

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Oh, good grief! What makes you an authority? I don't believe for one second that your life is all that great. How would you know about the personal lives of others and their happiness? Believing everything you hear or read is just being shallow. You really need to get over yourself. 

I know amazing women who think for themselves and are quite capable of  making decisions without pressure from others. They lead fantastic lives whether married or single, with or without children. 

[ScarletDove]

I worked in the mental health field for 35 yrs and all I can say about these "studies" is that scientists/professors are required and paid to do studies and publish--20 yrs from now another scientist will conclude different information based on the study model and protocol. I cannot say if I would have been happier not married and childless because that is not how I lived, for my generation woman usually married and became mothers.  I grew up in a very stable family, my parents married 70 yrs the year before my Dad died.  And, my father was the best man who ever touched my life; he taught me how to take care of myself and be independent.  I had expectations of marriage and its mutual respect as the standard for a good marriage. I am not going to go through what I experienced married to my poor choice of an insecure man who cheated, but the results deteriorated and ended the marriage and I chose not to get involved again or remarry. My 2 older children also went through life with divorce and it left its effects. I had worked full-time and had to work more years due to the divorce, but I achieved my goal. After being married 29 yrs (and separated for a time), it was a difficult transition at my age, but 19 years later I am very happy being single! 

[libbyannE]

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@Desertdi wrote:

I wonder how many (other) women have heard:   "Why can't you learn to cook like my mother?"

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@Desertdi 

Never. Sounds like a 1950s movie! He cooks, I cook, but only when we are in the mood. We go out sometimes, but we usually don’t make a fuss of meals. 

[ECBG]

I have issues with several statements in the article.

I would have never been happy living alone and I wouldn't give anything for the joy of bring up our two sons.

[ScarletDove]

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@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

I chose to not marry or have children, I am far from a hedonist. It's ok to slam women who make that choice but let's not "slam" men? I've known bad men and very good men in my life. The good ones tend to be spoken for. 

My parents didn't have a good healthy marriage. I know exactly what I would want from marriage and it wasn't meant to be for me. I'm happy with my choice, I'm not a hedonist-far from it. I've experienced so much judgment from others for making that choice too. Rude questions from total strangers regarding my personal choices. And cruel judgement from family and friends.

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@Greeneyedlady21  Bless you and cherish your independence, you earned it the hard way!

[LilacTree]

Married at age 23 to a man I loved very much.  No intimacy during courtship in which he convinced me we should wait until marriage for religious reasons.  Naive of me that became obvious on our honeymoon during only one encounter that made me pregnant.

That repeated itself throughout our eight year marriage . . . One encounter, then pregnancy.  Four babies in four and a half years. otherwise nada.  When it finally sunk in that this was no real marriage, I left him.  I loved being a mommie to my precious babies, and he knew that and thought that would keep me in. He was very nice to me, not a bad man, very intelligent and successful.  But I did not intend to live my life as his sister.

We were divorced in 1975 and I never married again.  He did  and that marriage failed in two years.  He married a third time to a very religious woman who stuck by him for many years, took care of him when he became sick.  He died two years ago last January.

As for me, I became a single working mother.  Times were tough financially, but we made it.  Those were the happiest years of my life.  I had one last boyfriend . . . He lived with his mother and I lived with my girls.  We saw each other on weekends.  He loved me and I loved him.  It lasted twelve years.  It ended with my menopause, and at the age of 53, I never dated again, and that was 28 years ago.

So much to be told, but suffice it to say I feel I have lived a full life.