Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,755
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

When I read where people have been married and divorced three times I have many questions. It tells me that marriage probably isn't for everyone.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,166
Registered: ‎06-30-2018

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

Guess it depends on the individual doesn't it?

Wear a mask. Social distance. Be part of the solution - not part of the problem.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

Yes I have a niece who just told my sister she is going to marry again...this will be #4. No children, thank goodness....I won’t be attending...two weddings is my limit. She is a lovely girl but clearly marriage is not for her.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,238
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

Well, I do think that there comes a time in a woman's life where some/maybe many women decide there is no longer a reason for them to marry.

 

I was very happily married for 38 years when my husband died.  I have 3 daughters and 8 grandchildren.

 

I had a very difficult life until I got married.  It was then my late husband and I made plans to live the life we used to dream about when were were children.

 

We achieved everything we planned.  My girls have had a life people dream about.  We traveled extensively.  They were well educated with no student loans (one got a masters degree).

 

When my husband died he left me very comfortable money-wise.  It would be stupid for me to marry again.  He'd have to sign a prenup if I did get married.

 

Two of my daughters are married and one is just now divorced.  If she does re-marry he will sign a prenup. 

 

I mention this to illustrate there is no reason to remarry.  

 

I once met a lady who said she was in her mid-70's.  She was very attractive.  She'd been married 2 times and was 2 times a widow.

 

She said she had a boyfriend but won't ever marry again.  She said she nursed both of her husbands and never intends to spend her last years nursing another.

 

My next door neighbor's father was a widow.  He started dating another widow who was in another state.  He wasn't in good health and the female's children did not want her to marry him because she'd have to move from her family and would end up taking care of him with the few years they both had left.  My neighbor agreed and didn't mind caring for her Dad.

 

Long story.....short.  They did not get married.  He traveled a few times to visit her and vice-versa.  He eventually died and she stayed with her family.

 

I've met a lot of strangers.  I've struck up conversations with them.  I don't remember meeting any who was anxious to get married again.  Some were widows and some were divorced.

 

There's no reason for a woman to get married later in life.  It's not like having a father for her children (or vice-versa).  You can love someone and live with them but you don't need to get married.

 

Just this morning I was thinking about how lucky I am.  I worked for the government when I was first married.  For 7 years we saved our money and bought a house.  Then I had my first daughter.  I never went back to work and we never had money issues.

 

My point is the government did not take out social security back then.  They had a retirement program.  When I quit, I used that money for a down payment on our house.

 

My late husband was very successful and paid a lot of money into the government (social security).  It's his social security money I get.  I also live on the interest from the investments and companies we owned.  I never have to touch the principal.  Everything (house, car, etc) is paid for.

 

But had I not married him or if we'd divorced, I wouldn't even have social security to fall back on.

 

I often look up to the Heavens and thank him for everything.  Sure, we worked together but we were partners.

 

No one will ever convince me that my life would have been better if I'd never married or had my girls.  The love and support they give me is something that can't be measured.

 

When I'm feeling down it's like osmosis, they know.  I'll get a text or a call from one of them just to say, "How are you today.  Oh!  And I love you.  They constantly thank me for the wonderful lives they had and how I taught them how to be a good mother and friend.

 

THAT right there is worth more than anything in the world.  I taught them that GOD expects us to care for his world and to be good to everyone, even if they treat you badly, it's their loss, not your's.

 

Who in their right mind wouldn't want that kind of love and memories?

 

My youngest daughter is soon 39.  She's never been married and has no children.  She has a boyfriend (she's known him since elementary school).  They might get married, who knows.  They each have their own homes.

 

If she doesn't marry I always tell her, "So what".  It's about what she want's.  Not what anyone else wants.  She's fixed financially for life due to what she'll inherit and what I give her now.

 

What would be the benefit for her to marry now?  She might still have children (OK, one maybe).  People now have them later in life.  She has lots of nieces and nephews, God-children, etc.  Her life is very full.

 

In summary, I think it's all about what every individual wants.  We are lucky that we live in a time where women have lots of choices.

 

All of the above is true, but....(and I think it's a big one).  If you want to find someone it's still (unfortunately) a man's world.  Men can have children pretty much until they drop dead.  Women, not so much.

 

Men still pretty much prefer a young(er) attractive partner (even Gay guys are like that).

 

If a woman WANTS to marry and/or have children, unfortunately, her clock is ticking.

 

I told my daughter back when she was younger that I'd pay to freeze her eggs if she wanted to.  She said there was more to her than being a mother.  I said, "Pressure is off because your sister's have popped out 8 grandchildren".  That's a joke with all of us.

 

So, as with everything, there's some truth to the OP's post and some 1/2 truths and some downright......let's just call them not true or exaggerated.

 

If you got to the bottom of this, I'm impressed.  I don't know if I could and I typed the @#$ thing!  Ha!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

[ Edited ]

@Annabellethecat66...I made it to the bottom, whew!...you are a very lucky woman.  You had a loving husband who made sure you would be comfortable should anything happen to him.  There are many women whose lives didn't go in the same direction as yours, including me.  Marriage doesn't always last and when there is a divorce, many women, even with children, can't stay home to take care of them, they have to work to help support them.  I don't know if I agree with the article and personally I think it depends on the person.  Again, you are a very lucky woman, but I don't have to tell you that, you already know it. Heart

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,839
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

Interesting, but I disagree. Its up to the person. I am married for the 2nd time (2 children from my first marriage and 3 grandchildren) I love being married! To add, I know 1 man and 1 woman (seperate peolple not married) that wish theyd have gotten married and had children. One (the man) wasnt ready and ditched his fiance long ago for space, now hes alone and older and he tried to contact the girl he dtiched and she has moved on long already, he regrets it to this day! The woman I know never found the one. She is lonely at times and feels like the 3rd wheel at parties etc. So yep, it depends on the person. 

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make~ The Beatles
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,483
Registered: ‎10-19-2011

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

I am a strong believer in marriage. My entire life it was my dream to have a family and loving husband on a little farm...and a little barn...with a music studio and horses, flowers....and a lot of love. Somehow I married abusive men (3).....short marriages. My father was infuriated....he wanted me gone...but I was not going to be hit anymore....or they got other girls pregnant. A terrible thing occurred in that last one where I never dated a man again in over 20 years....not even hand holding. I supported them all. But I'm still a strong believer in marriage and love and being faithful and kind and taking vows seriously. I love men and their unique beauty and their differences.....and how strong they are. A friend to lean on...laugh with...sit in the quiet of night with..dream with and hold close. Life was meant for sharing imo....

-Do Not Copy Pls-
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,394
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

I worked in a predominantly male profession for decades, traveled extensively for work in all parts of the country, and have a large family. I know many wonderful men and am fortunate to have a few in my life. That said, I also have known many many men who's words and actions make the findings of this study very believable. If some wives could see and hear their husband's behavior at work or on assignment I think there would be some very interesting dinner conversations. Not having children, by choice or circumstances, is a fact for a number of women I know; they are warm, loving people who have been an important part of my children's lives. In my experience, a common and disappointing theme among women of retirement age looking for partners is encountering men who are seeking a nurse or a purse or both. If you have a great partner, that is a true blessing that many would wish to experience.