Community Chat

[Lindsays Grandma]

Men should get married to improve their well being but women shouldn't bother, according to a leading expert in happiness who says that unmarried , childless women are the happiest people in society.

Paul Dolan, professor of behavioral science at the London School of Economics said yesterday that men benefit from marriage because they "calm down", while the same wasn't true for women.

"You take less risk, you earn more money at work and live a little longer.  She, on the other hand, has to put up with that and dies sooner than if she never married," he said.

The healthiest and happiest population sub-groups are women who never married or had children.

When interviewing,  married people are the happiest than any other population sub-groups  when the spouse is in the room and they're asked how happy they are.  When the spouse is not present: "f***ing miserable."

Prof Dolan added:  "We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I'm going to do a massive disservice to that science and just say; "if you're a man, you should probably get married;  if you are a woman, don't bother."                 

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I rest my case, your thoughts are welcome.  Oh, and please, no nasty, rude remarks, all that does is cause a thread to be deleted.  Thank you.

[CAcableGirl2]

@Lindsays Grandma   Hmm, that is an interesting post.  I am very happy, soon to be divorced, but have children/grandchildren, and couldn't imagine how my life would have turned out without any of them (including the ex-husband).

It's not easy to raise children, but I wouldn't have traded any of  the frustration, worrying, crazy schedules, and the angry teenager years, to be without my kids and now grandchildren.  I joke that I've earned every one of my grey hairs and can only imagine how my mom felt raising us, because she had a full head of silver hair right about the time her kids became adults!!

[Sooner]

I think that a lot of wonderful men who are sons, fathers, husbands, brothers, friends, are getting slammed by a lot of haters now days.

I have known far far more wonderful men than awful ones in my life.  If headonism makes you happy, I guess you should stay single and do what you want. 

To me, the purpose if what you can contribute to others who makes you happy.  How important are you to the people around you?  Are you loved by them?  Do you love and care for them?  Isn't that what happiness is about?

I just don't get it. 

[libbyannE]

I never planned on being married. I was really excited to study for and then pursue my career. But —call it what you will — fate, luck, the universe, whatever brought my husband and me together when I was a college senior, and we happily fell in step with each other and got engaged within a few months. I was shocked myself because marriage was soooooo not in my plans. I was NOT looking for a husband! Yet, you know when it’s right! I know I am happier because of him, but I do not feel that one needs to be married in order to be happy. I also don’t think everyone needs to have children. We decided not to have children for a number of reasons, and we’ve never doubted that decision. We’ve been best friends and very happy for more than 40 years, each of us enjoying our own busy careers and being there for each other. I’m sure I would have been happy either way, but I am so grateful for the blessing of sharing life with this guy who is my best buddy.

[Lindsays Grandma]

@libbyannE...You are a very lucky woman.  It sounds to me though that you would  have been okay either way.  You got lucky and met the right man and have been blessed with happiness ever since.  

[libbyannE]

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@Lindsays Grandma wrote:

@libbyannE...You are a very lucky woman.  It sounds to me though that you would  have been okay either way.  You got lucky and met the right man and have been blessed with happiness ever since.  

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@Lindsays Grandma 

Thank you. You used just the right word—luck. I always say that we have simply been fortunate. After all, why ME? How did I get so, yes, lucky? It’s truly humbling. Those of us who marry all believe that our relationships will last, but they don’t always make it. My parents really loved each other, yet they grew apart and divorced after 20 years of marriage when I was a teenager. Each happily remarried in time, but I just didn’t want to go down that path. Or so I thought. (My brother has been married longer than I. So much for the idea that children of divorce are bad marriage risks.)

[Desertdi]

I wonder how many (other) women have heard:   "Why can't you learn to cook like my mother?"

[sissel]

he is there and so calm to handle DD thank you God, I love him, no can't cook like his Mom but who cares, we love DD & sometimes problems which we both work it out. My best friend & lover we can handle any thing. 

[RealtyGal2]

Everyone has their own individual set of preferences. I think you can make a case for both staying single and getting married. If you are lucky and make a good decision about who you marry and you both do not grow apart or hurt each other in some way, then marriage can be wonderful and fulfilling, but you have to work on it. The upside is that you have a best friend, partner, and you are not lonely (if you are lucky). The downside is that you can be lonely in a marriage, or bullied, or abused and scared if your husband turns out to be a different person than you thought you were getting.

If you remain single (as a woman) and do not have children, you have less stress, more time to do the things you want to do, but it can sometimes be lonely and a little scary not having someone who has your back.

There are a lot of variables to consider and things happen in life that change people and expose traits we didn't know were there.

[sissel]

don;'t you know after living with them who is good or not. DD 2yrs in she or he knows if that is not good or good. somehow they got to know after 2yrs