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Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,160
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

United we stand, divided we fall.  There's so many personalities trying to blend, and bring into a union baggage, in other words, what they grew up with and learned.  Keep on trucking!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,322
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

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I see the issue as being marriage!!  Women through the years needed a man to support and take care of their needs and men needed a woman to clean, cook  and bear his children.  That is not true today even though more women than not are still being raised to think that they need a "husband" and are not encouraged to be self supporting and independent.  The same can be said of most men who are still being raised not knowing or wanting to be able to cook and clean and care themselves.  Women care for the kids and men occasionally babysit them for the women in many households.  And yes there can be real equal love relationships (marriage or not )that work well.  I never wanted marriage or a "husband" or steady man in my life.  Out of the blue love happened and I have been with this really great man for over 30 years.  He is independent and can cook, clean and care for himself and I am independent and can support myself completely.  Once every person is aware and raised to be self supporting - marriage or not, that attitude will continue to exist.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

't know  how he figures that. Figures don't lie, but liars can figure..I am going to be married to the same man for 55 years, this fall

 

Guess what? Every time we have an anniversary mass ,there are lots of couples married just as long as we are.They are happy and content with their life and their choice

 

I wouldn't trade my life, or my children, for that of anyone else.

 

I know a heap of couples that feel the same way

 

I have a friend that never married,  and she is completely happy. She is a loved and respected lady, and she would never agree with that  assessment.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,109
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

"Paul Dolan, professor of behavioral science at the London School of Economics said yesterday that men benefit from marriage because they "calm down", while the same wasn't true for women."

 

I don't buy this.  The same double standard applies to men being "allowed" and it being "necessary" to enjoy intimate relations, as if women have no drive and in fact, are often castigated (still! in this day and age!) if they do the same.

Cogito ergo sum
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,627
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

I chose to not marry or have children, I am far from a hedonist. It's ok to slam women who make that choice but let's not "slam" men? I've known bad men and very good men in my life. The good ones tend to be spoken for. 

 

My parents didn't have a good healthy marriage. I know exactly what I would want from marriage and it wasn't meant to be for me. I'm happy with my choice, I'm not a hedonist-far from it. I've experienced so much judgment from others for making that choice too. Rude questions from total strangers regarding my personal choices. And cruel judgement from family and friends.

"You call him The Edge, I just call him The"
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,109
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

Right.  I don't see "hedonism" as mutually exclusive nor well, mutually exclusive to most anything.  That and a good intellectual life is a nice balance.  It doesn't mean just one thing.

 

What it might mean is, there is no pleasure in marriage.  Ah!  I get it.  I guess we shouldn't bother then.

Cogito ergo sum
Valued Contributor
Posts: 918
Registered: ‎04-21-2010

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

@Sooner   Well Said!  ðŸ˜Š 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,109
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

BTW, I love my husband greatly, and it is reciprocated.  I enjoy the people around me, of all persuasions.  I try to give that back.

 

There are many choices.  Marriage is just one.

Cogito ergo sum
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,627
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

Also one can contribute plenty to others in ways other than being married. Through chosen careers and jobs, through volunteer work, and in many other ways. I took care of my Mom for over three years including when she was in hospice with terminal cancer. Allowing her to die at home.  If I was married with kids, wouldn't have been able to do that. 

 

There is judgment all around.

"You call him The Edge, I just call him The"
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,221
Registered: ‎11-08-2014

Re: MEN SHOULD MARRY AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T BOTHER

I've come to cast a rather skeptical eye at some social science conclusions-- I believe there is often an agenda behind the bland assertions;  and data, questions and polling can be manipulated.

 

Not sure in the context what Mr. Dolan meant when he said "She, on the other hand, has to put up with that".   With what-- with the husband taking less risk, earning more money, and living longer?  Cryptic.

 

I've heard the same social science conclusions for a number of years, and think that in a very, very general sense, marriage may indeed have a stabilizing effect on young men.  Society as a whole has an interest in there being solid marriages and families providing a secure, relatively stable base to raise children, in my opinon.

 

Individual happiness, for sure, can be found for both men and women in the single or the married state.  We're lucky we have the freedom we do to evaluate and choose a life for ourselves.