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‎05-26-2019 05:46 AM
United we stand, divided we fall. There's so many personalities trying to blend, and bring into a union baggage, in other words, what they grew up with and learned. Keep on trucking!
‎05-26-2019 06:27 AM - edited ‎05-26-2019 08:01 AM
I see the issue as being marriage!! Women through the years needed a man to support and take care of their needs and men needed a woman to clean, cook and bear his children. That is not true today even though more women than not are still being raised to think that they need a "husband" and are not encouraged to be self supporting and independent. The same can be said of most men who are still being raised not knowing or wanting to be able to cook and clean and care themselves. Women care for the kids and men occasionally babysit them for the women in many households. And yes there can be real equal love relationships (marriage or not )that work well. I never wanted marriage or a "husband" or steady man in my life. Out of the blue love happened and I have been with this really great man for over 30 years. He is independent and can cook, clean and care for himself and I am independent and can support myself completely. Once every person is aware and raised to be self supporting - marriage or not, that attitude will continue to exist.
‎05-26-2019 06:49 AM
't know how he figures that. Figures don't lie, but liars can figure..I am going to be married to the same man for 55 years, this fall
Guess what? Every time we have an anniversary mass ,there are lots of couples married just as long as we are.They are happy and content with their life and their choice
I wouldn't trade my life, or my children, for that of anyone else.
I know a heap of couples that feel the same way
I have a friend that never married, and she is completely happy. She is a loved and respected lady, and she would never agree with that assessment.
‎05-26-2019 07:06 AM
"Paul Dolan, professor of behavioral science at the London School of Economics said yesterday that men benefit from marriage because they "calm down", while the same wasn't true for women."
I don't buy this. The same double standard applies to men being "allowed" and it being "necessary" to enjoy intimate relations, as if women have no drive and in fact, are often castigated (still! in this day and age!) if they do the same.
‎05-26-2019 07:13 AM
I chose to not marry or have children, I am far from a hedonist. It's ok to slam women who make that choice but let's not "slam" men? I've known bad men and very good men in my life. The good ones tend to be spoken for.
My parents didn't have a good healthy marriage. I know exactly what I would want from marriage and it wasn't meant to be for me. I'm happy with my choice, I'm not a hedonist-far from it. I've experienced so much judgment from others for making that choice too. Rude questions from total strangers regarding my personal choices. And cruel judgement from family and friends.
‎05-26-2019 07:21 AM
Right. I don't see "hedonism" as mutually exclusive nor well, mutually exclusive to most anything. That and a good intellectual life is a nice balance. It doesn't mean just one thing.
What it might mean is, there is no pleasure in marriage. Ah! I get it. I guess we shouldn't bother then.
‎05-26-2019 07:37 AM
BTW, I love my husband greatly, and it is reciprocated. I enjoy the people around me, of all persuasions. I try to give that back.
There are many choices. Marriage is just one.
‎05-26-2019 07:37 AM
Also one can contribute plenty to others in ways other than being married. Through chosen careers and jobs, through volunteer work, and in many other ways. I took care of my Mom for over three years including when she was in hospice with terminal cancer. Allowing her to die at home. If I was married with kids, wouldn't have been able to do that.
There is judgment all around.
‎05-26-2019 07:40 AM
I've come to cast a rather skeptical eye at some social science conclusions-- I believe there is often an agenda behind the bland assertions; and data, questions and polling can be manipulated.
Not sure in the context what Mr. Dolan meant when he said "She, on the other hand, has to put up with that". With what-- with the husband taking less risk, earning more money, and living longer? Cryptic.
I've heard the same social science conclusions for a number of years, and think that in a very, very general sense, marriage may indeed have a stabilizing effect on young men. Society as a whole has an interest in there being solid marriages and families providing a secure, relatively stable base to raise children, in my opinon.
Individual happiness, for sure, can be found for both men and women in the single or the married state. We're lucky we have the freedom we do to evaluate and choose a life for ourselves.
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