Community Chat

[AuntG]

Wonder what the OP would think of me taking communion from a common cup - doesn't bother me in the least.  If all 12 people are slobs, could the OP be seen as the problem?

[wonderfulworld]

When I was in college I worked in a very popular, upscale restaurant and also at a fast food place.

The germs at the table and spread by the menus and other guests are nothing and I mean NOTHING compared to the way the food is handled in the kitchen and by the wait staff by some places. Don't even get me started about the bar staff and the sanitizing of utensils and dinnerware.

I am not saying this is everywhere but that bread the OP was worried about at the table may have seen plenty of handling before it gets to her.

Gross but true.

ps...at another place I was hospitalized for food poisoning by a sandwich in which the meat was left on the counter over night. So many people came to the ER the hospital called the health dept. who shut them down and fined them. They reopened shortly.

[ROMARY]

'One thing I know for sure' is that there's almost always (underline 'almost') one person (usually female) in every gathering who has a cold and cough.  Coughing while non-stop talking, laughing, eating.  You know, the life- of-the-party type of very sociable person.  Good for them, but keep their hands off of anything I'm about to eat.  lol

[NYC Susan]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

I'm an outlier here. I just can't get worked up over some of the actions described, certainly not a person asking another person if she can have a bite. Hey, I had a boss once who didn't even ask. :-( And the washing of hands after touching a menu? Sorry, I just choose not to live like that.

And before anyone accuse me of being a big ol' slob, I was taught impeccable table manners, to a fault. And for the most part, they have stuck with me. But not all of them. I do put jars on the table...heaven forgive me, Mom.

My punctillious, manner-ish mother believed that you should never finish what's on your plate; you should at least leave one bite. So fast forward to adulthood  and a dinner at a very high-end restaurant in Beverly Hills with my husband, my mom, and her SO.

I finished my plate! So my mother took her fork and put a morsel of her food on my empty plate (yes, now after reading here, I see that that would be apparently disgusting, but I digress).

I looked at her and said something the effect of "Uh-oh, was I not supposed to clean my plate"? She smiled yes. I ate her morsel.

With a group of people with whom you have close contact everyday, have fun at such celebrations. Your chances of getting sick from someone forking up a shared appetizer are very slim...probably no more than our regular office activities.

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I'm with you.  Someone asking for a bite of birthday cake would not bother me in the slightest, especially (as in the example)  if I wasn't either of the two people involved.  

As for the lunches, if it's work-related the OP should go even if they're not enjoyable and even if they're unpleasant.  I would suggest just eating minimally, and not eating shared appetizers or anything else she doesn't want to eat.  It's easy enough to claim that she's not hungry, or doesn't want to fill up on appetizers, or had a big breakfast, or whatever.

If it's so bothersome, then ignore the antics of the others, and accept that this is who they are and this is what they do.  Just think of it as a work event, not an actual meal.  No one ever starved to death from having just an entree and no appetizer.  Refusing to go or coming up with excuses in order to miss out is not a good idea.

Some posters have suggested that she order her own appetizer.  If her boss is hosting and always orders appetizers to be shared, it would be wrong for the OP to order one just for herself.  

[NYC Susan]

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@september wrote:

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@blondiechick wrote:

What really makes me sick is when people touch the menus at the restaurant and do not wash there hands afterwards.....do you know how many people have touched that menu before you!  Yuck!!!

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Is it common for people to get up from the table and go wash hands after reading a menu, then ordering?  I've never done this, nor heard that anyone else I knew would think to do it.

I think most of should have immune systems that are healthy enough to deal with this.

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I eat at restaurants all the time, and have never thought about this or seen anyone do it.  My son is in the restaurant business, and has been for many years, and he said he's never seen or heard of it either.

People touch things.  And then other people touch those same things.  That's part of life.  I refuse to insulate myself inside some plastic bubble.

[NYC Susan]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@Isobel Archer wrote:

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@Allegheny wrote:

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@redwingsgal wrote:

OK, I have to share an update!  We obviously went to a birthday lunch this afternoon and the gal whose birthday we were celebrating brought back a piece of chocolate cake to eat later.  A girl who sits in our area just asked her if she could have a bite of the birthday girl's cake!!!  This is unacceptable to me!!!

Of course the birthday girl gave the beggar a bite, but I had to walk away as it was too much for me to handle!!!

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@redwingsgal I know you are venting, but I am curious if you like the environment and people you work with?

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I also wonder why the "girl who sits in our area" wasn't invited and thus became a beggar after the fact.  I agree there is more going on here than worry about food making her sick.

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@Isobel Archer, somehow I must have just skimmed this. I do find it a bit odd that anyone would begrudge somone asking another person for a taste of the cake.

I know for a fact that the word "beggar" would never enter my mind.

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@I had the same thoughts.  I don't understand what the problem is with this, and especially to the extent that the OP wrote:

"This is unacceptable to me!!!"

and

"I had to walk away as it was too much for me to handle!!!"

Why?  It wasn't her cake, she wasn't the one being asked, and she wasn't involved in this transaction at all.  I'm the Queen of Over-Reacting, but this seems like a huge over-reaction to me.  What am I missing?

[NYC Susan]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

I'm an outlier here. I just can't get worked up over some of the actions described, certainly not a person asking another person if she can have a bite. Hey, I had a boss once who didn't even ask. :-( And the washing of hands after touching a menu? Sorry, I just choose not to live like that.

And before anyone accuse me of being a big ol' slob, I was taught impeccable table manners, to a fault. And for the most part, they have stuck with me. But not all of them. I do put jars on the table...heaven forgive me, Mom.

My punctillious, manner-ish mother believed that you should never finish what's on your plate; you should at least leave one bite. So fast forward to adulthood  and a dinner at a very high-end restaurant in Beverly Hills with my husband, my mom, and her SO.

I finished my plate! So my mother took her fork and put a morsel of her food on my empty plate (yes, now after reading here, I see that that would be apparently disgusting, but I digress).

I looked at her and said something the effect of "Uh-oh, was I not supposed to clean my plate"? She smiled yes. I ate her morsel.

With a group of people with whom you have close contact everyday, have fun at such celebrations. Your chances of getting sick from someone forking up a shared appetizer are very slim...probably no more than our regular office activities.

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@suzyQ3

LOL!     I was beginning to think we had the same perfectionist mannerly mother ....  until I got to the "leave a morsel" comment.   

Just what is such good manners about leaving a morsel of food on your plate?  I've never heard this one before!

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@Tinkrbl44, I was wondering when someone should ask. :-)

The way I understood it, she believed that if you "cleaned" your plate, it was rather pig-like.

She was something else.

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My grandmother taught us the same thing.  My mother pretty much believed in it too, but never pressed the point.  I remember hearing from the time I was a little girl that it was polite to always leave just a little bit.

My husband's family was the opposite - They expected you to eat every last bite.  Otherwise, it was an insult to the cook!

[Stray]

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@Ms tyrion2 wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

I'm an outlier here. I just can't get worked up over some of the actions described, certainly not a person asking another person if she can have a bite. Hey, I had a boss once who didn't even ask. :-( And the washing of hands after touching a menu? Sorry, I just choose not to live like that.

And before anyone accuse me of being a big ol' slob, I was taught impeccable table manners, to a fault. And for the most part, they have stuck with me. But not all of them. I do put jars on the table...heaven forgive me, Mom.

My punctillious, manner-ish mother believed that you should never finish what's on your plate; you should at least leave one bite. So fast forward to adulthood  and a dinner at a very high-end restaurant in Beverly Hills with my husband, my mom, and her SO.

I finished my plate! So my mother took her fork and put a morsel of her food on my empty plate (yes, now after reading here, I see that that would be apparently disgusting, but I digress).

I looked at her and said something the effect of "Uh-oh, was I not supposed to clean my plate"? She smiled yes. I ate her morsel.

With a group of people with whom you have close contact everyday, have fun at such celebrations. Your chances of getting sick from someone forking up a shared appetizer are very slim...probably no more than our regular office activities.

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Well stated! I feel just the same as you. I also never,ever heard of washing your hands after looking at a menu. I've never seen anyone do it.

I'm a spotless (to a fault) housekeeper but I just can't get worked up over food sharing and picking up a roll out of a breadbasket.

Sometimes I wonder if the ultra-squeamish ever had a child or pet they had to clean up after. The stories I could tell about pet messes...

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Agreed, the more you expose yourself to, the stronger your immune system.  The cell phone is probably a Petri dish but I see many eating with phones in hand....I think a menu pales by comparison 

[ZoetheCat]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

I'm an outlier here. I just can't get worked up over some of the actions described, certainly not a person asking another person if she can have a bite. Hey, I had a boss once who didn't even ask. :-( And the washing of hands after touching a menu? Sorry, I just choose not to live like that.

And before anyone accuse me of being a big ol' slob, I was taught impeccable table manners, to a fault. And for the most part, they have stuck with me. But not all of them. I do put jars on the table...heaven forgive me, Mom.

My punctillious, manner-ish mother believed that you should never finish what's on your plate; you should at least leave one bite. So fast forward to adulthood  and a dinner at a very high-end restaurant in Beverly Hills with my husband, my mom, and her SO.

I finished my plate! So my mother took her fork and put a morsel of her food on my empty plate (yes, now after reading here, I see that that would be apparently disgusting, but I digress).

I looked at her and said something the effect of "Uh-oh, was I not supposed to clean my plate"? She smiled yes. I ate her morsel.

With a group of people with whom you have close contact everyday, have fun at such celebrations. Your chances of getting sick from someone forking up a shared appetizer are very slim...probably no more than our regular office activities.

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Thanks @suzyQ3.  I thought it was just me!  I have to say I'm constantly amazed at the level of squeamishness of some posters here.  There is, of course, a level of hygiene that is absolutely necessary.  Good manners are also important.  Speaking with one's mouthful, blowing one's nose at the table and using a toothpick at the table are all unacceptable in my opinion.  That's just bad manners.  However, sharing an appetizer or basket of bread with someone at the table?  I don't see the big deal.  As far as wiping down a menu?  It would never in a million years occur to me to do that.

I've traveled to areas in the world where "rules" regarding the sharing of food are much more relaxed.  I have never become sick as a result of eating in these countries.  Of course, it is important to follow basic common-sense protocols.  I wouldn't drink the water in some countries, for example.  I remember reading somewhere that it's not (usually) that the water in other places is bad.  It just has different bacteria than what our systems are accustomed to.  The author of the piece made a point of saying that people from other countries would also get sick from drinking our water.  

I guess I just don't really worry about this sort of thing.  I wouldn't patronize a restaurant that was obviously dirty, and I place a good deal of importance on clean bathrooms in any eating establishment.  But beyond that, not gonna worry about it.

[ROMARY]

Sometimes it depends on the time of season.  Flu season, cough and cold season, etc.  Sometimes folks don't stay home when they're ill, and they sometimes spread their illness around, including in restaurants.  Especially children, who might not even wash their hands after various functions, and then crawl around on chairs and tables.  It's not necessarily  'germs' that some of us worry about.  It's the spreading of various illness that might concern some of us.   Some posters here, when we get a cold/cough, it lasts for weeks and weeks.  So, that's why I use my small packets of wipies just before eating.  No harm done, imo.