Looking for your thoughts...

Michael Knight · ‎05-06-2014

Hi all, this is my first post here, I am looking for some viewpoints on a dilemma my family is having. In 1993 when I was just a kid, my family started a tradition of going to florida every year for a summer vacation to disney. We always drove and always had a great time. When I met my wife in 1998 she joined the yearly trip as well. In 1999 when my sister met her husband he too was invited to come along on the annual family vacation. We continued to take the yearly family vacations through thick and thin together every year since. Fast forward to this year, my sister and I each have 2 kids of our own. The thing is that my dad was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and for the first time since we started going on our yearly family vacations, he will not be able to go. My sister still wants to go this year but I am torn. What would any of you do if faced with this situation. I know my mother would probably be upset if we went without them, I just don't know what to do. Thanks.

croemer · ‎03-10-2010

How about bringing it up with your parents and tell them you are conflicted and worried about their feelings?

Something tells me your parents will say to go...unless your Dad is in a tenuous situation.

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**Careful... I have caps lock and I am not afraid to use it.**

JustJules · ‎06-25-2013

Interesting first post. First of all, my condolences on your father's cancer, that is tough stuff. I think you answered your own question. If you know your mother would probably be upset if you went on this trip without him, then you should either not go or discuss it with them in advance. You mentioned it was a "summer" trip, so I would presume you still have time to sort this before people book their plans? Perhaps your dad would want you all to go and enjoy and send him pics? However, depending on your father's diagnosis, if his time is limited...why would you want to go on a trip rather than all of you going to spend time with him? Disney will be there a long time.... your father won't... I just lost mine so trust me on this. Best of luck to you and your family.

focksie · ‎03-04-2012

If they were my parents I wouldn't be going. They're your parents after all and your dad is not well. You've already taken numerous trips with the family. It's just a trip. A trip can always be put off for another time. One's parents can't.

Elstongunn · ‎03-12-2010

If YOU don't feel comfortable going, then don't go and let the others do what they want. If they want to go, then they can go. Does EVERYONE have to go on this yearly vacation, or no one goes at all?

Just do what you feel is right for you; let the others decide for themselves.

Money doesn't talk; it swears. --Bob Dylan

grandma_2_2 · ‎03-09-2010

On 5/6/2014 Jules5280 said:
Interesting first post. First of all, my condolences on your father's cancer, that is tough stuff. I think you answered your own question. If you know your mother would probably be upset if you went on this trip without him, then you should either not go or discuss it with them in advance. You mentioned it was a "summer" trip, so I would presume you still have time to sort this before people book their plans? Perhaps your dad would want you all to go and enjoy and send him pics? However, depending on your father's diagnosis, if his time is limited...why would you want to go on a trip rather than all of you going to spend time with him? Disney will be there a long time.... your father won't... I just lost mine so trust me on this. Best of luck to you and your family.

I agree with Jules. The dynamic of the vacation has already changed by the fact that your dad will be missing. It just wouldn't be the same, and would you really enjoy yourself, knowing he wasn't there?

You can always go on vacation. You can't always be with your Dad. Best wishes to him and your family.

Michael Knight · ‎05-06-2014

The cancer diagnoses really hit my family hard. My sister and I are trying to justify the trip because of the kids. Obviously my dad is more important to me than any vacation and I was leaning towards not going at all. My sister however thinks going shouldn't be a problem because we have children of our own now. I will definitely talk it over with mom and dad, I was just trying to get some unbiased opinions.

grandma_2_2 · ‎03-09-2010

On 5/6/2014 Michael Knight said: The cancer diagnoses really hit my family hard. My sister and I are trying to justify the trip because of the kids. Obviously my dad is more important to me than any vacation and I was leaning towards not going at all. My sister however thinks going shouldn't be a problem because we have children of our own now. I will definitely talk it over with mom and dad, I was just trying to get some unbiased opinions.

Kids are very adaptable. Maybe it's time to start some new traditions. They will understand.

focksie · ‎03-04-2012

On 5/6/2014 Michael Knight said: The cancer diagnoses really hit my family hard. My sister and I are trying to justify the trip because of the kids. Obviously my dad is more important to me than any vacation and I was leaning towards not going at all. My sister however thinks going shouldn't be a problem because we have children of our own now. I will definitely talk it over with mom and dad, I was just trying to get some unbiased opinions.

Not sure I understand the bolded sentence. Do you mean your sister thinks her children should take priority and their needs are more important than your parents' needs or wishes?

I would disagree. Your parents are going through a tough battle and need all the support they can get. It's important for children to learn how to handle disappointment and as another poster said to learn to adapt to a changing situation. Your sister can make it up to them in another way if she wants to.

JustJules · ‎06-25-2013

And we're off... welcome to the forum Michael... there is no such thing as an "unbiased opinion" around here.

Every family is different, and if your sister wants to go on the trip you should not feel obligated to. Wouldn't it maybe be nice for your kids and hers to visit with their grandfather while they can? Again. just because you have a trip that has become a tradition, doesn't mean you don't break for life-changing events, and your dad's cancer diagnosis is life changing. I think you should start with speaking to your parents, especially your dad, then go from there. Nobody can predict the future, but try to imagine how you would feel if you were out on your traditional Disney trip and your father passed, when you had the chance to be with him? It might sound harsh, but it is something to seriously consider. Perhaps your sister is in a bit of denial? Again, you have to do what is right for you. Prayers for your father.