Community Chat

[count210]

Hi,

I was in the middle of posting my response just as the boards closed on Saturday! Does anyone know if this post was poofed?!?!?

The OP has a Jewish DIL who was offended by the OP sending an Engagement congratulations card to them before they "officially announced it." The OP also wanted to know if it was considered appropriate to give money (gelt) to adults for Hanukkah.

Here's my response to the OP:

Regarding gelt . . . it's not inappropriate to give gelt to older children or even adults, especially if they are experiencing hardship (I think you were talking about relatives in college?), but the original meaning of giving gelt to (young) children is to teach them charity. They're supposed to donate a portion of what they receive to those less fortunate.

Regarding the engagement announcement . . . .I admit that I do not know all the ins and outs of Jewish practices/traditions, but I have NEVER heard that it is "bad luck to send an engagement card before an official announcement." I also asked my mom, who said she never heard of that either. OP, I felt terrible for you because you have to deal with what sounds to me like a very rigid, narrow-minded DIL, and all you want to do is the right thing. Your heart is in the right place. This is the problem I have with ALL religions. The irony to me is that it seems the more "religious" individuals are, the more intolerant they become of others. I'm going to get off my soapbox while I can and just say to you, probably the best thing to do with a DIL like this is simply to ask. Tell her that you want to learn about her religion and would appreciate her input. I think that's best to keep the peace. Good luck to you!