Community Chat

[Financialgrl]

I don't think you can make any generalizations either way.  I never married but I have had a LTR with someone for over 20 years until he got sick and is in a nursing home.  I love the man dearly but we both always maintained our own residences but were together often.   It worked for us.  I am one that believes that whether ppl marry or live together, who they love, etc. - none of it has the ability to affect me one way or another. 

I have a cousin who lived with a guy for 15 years, married and was divorced within a year.  I never understood that one!

[Noel7]

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@Lipstickdiva wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Lipstickdiva wrote:

My mom always ingrained in both my sister and me that living together without being married was just wrong.  I never lived with my boyfriend before we got married and my sister has never lived with anyone either.

I feel it is up to each individual to decide what is right for them. I have friends who have daughters who live with every guy they are dating.  They date for 2 weeks and are moving in together.  They break up, it's a mess because of the lease, etc.  They are single for a few months and the same thing happens again.  That I just don't understand.

What does bother me are women and men who have small children and choose to live with someone after a short amount of time.  When and if it doesn't work out, the children are devastated yet again.      

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That also happens with marriages.  The difference is marriage takes longer to get out of.

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I think people who have small children need to be especially more careful and critical about who they introduce their young children to.

And while I know this happens with a marriage, I am specifically speaking about people who choose to live with someone after only a few weeks then things don't work out and the cycle continues over and over.  The children are getting a really poor example of a loving committed relationship.  Everytime they turn around, they are living with a different person.    

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@Lipstickdiva

I agree, but that's a different subject, not all women who live with a man go through them like peanuts.

[Noel7]

Those of us who are religious of course have rights to speak, but we don't have the right to try to force our beliefs on others.

And if we do use insults and harsh judgement we are only hurting ourselves and our religion.  Unfortunately, religion has already received a black eye from that kind of thing and we are paying for it in decreased numbers.

[Trinity11]

I saw someone very close and dear to me live with a man for more than 30 years. When he passed unexpectedly, she had no legal right to any of his property (which he put in his own name). She found out after he passed that he had drawn up a will and everything went to his sister and brother. She was devastated both financially and emotionally.

So if you choose to live with someone without benefit of marriage, just make sure you see a lawyer and take care of financial arrangements. Other that that, to each his own....

[Noel7]

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@Trinity11 wrote:

I saw someone very close and dear to me live with a man for more than 30 years. When he passed unexpectedly, she had no legal right to any of his property (which he put in his own name). She found out after he passed that he had drawn up a will and everything went to his sister and brother. She was devastated both financially and emotionally.

So if you choose to live with someone without benefit of marriage, just make sure you see a lawyer and take care of financial arrangements. Other that that, to each his own....

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You're right, @Trinity11

Legal marriage grants more than a thousand legal benefits to the couple, which is why it was important to grant those same rights to gay couples.

Anyone who chooses not to marry should know that, I'd be shocked if they didn't know that.  But again, some women don't want the entanglement.

[SaRina]

@Trinity11, that's a shame...... but any woman who has been living with a man for that length of time should have had a discussion about wills, property, etc., way before that time.  One cannot assume anything.

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

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@Noel7 wrote:

Those of us who are religious of course have rights to speak, but we don't have the right to try to force our beliefs on others.

And if we do use insults and harsh judgement we are only hurting ourselves and our religion.  Unfortunately, religion has already received a black eye from that kind of thing and we are paying for it in decreased numbers.

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I agree. I like the fact that since I disagreed with X that she makes the assumption I am not religious. Which clearly does not explain why I attend Mass weekly. That being said I find those who scream about rights and yell the loudest against subjects as this. Have another agenda and hide behind religion to further it. 

If two people are old enough to sign a legal contract as a lease then they clearly know what they are doing and should not be judged as immoral because they do not have a marriage certificate. Not for nothing you would have to piece together versus in the old or new testament to make the argument that is being made by someone. But there is nothing saying it is wrong. 

[Trinity11]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Trinity11 wrote:

I saw someone very close and dear to me live with a man for more than 30 years. When he passed unexpectedly, she had no legal right to any of his property (which he put in his own name). She found out after he passed that he had drawn up a will and everything went to his sister and brother. She was devastated both financially and emotionally.

So if you choose to live with someone without benefit of marriage, just make sure you see a lawyer and take care of financial arrangements. Other that that, to each his own....

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You're right, @Trinity11

Legal marriage grants more than a thousand legal benefits to the couple, which is why it was important to grant those same rights to gay couples.

Anyone who chooses not to marry should know that, I'd be shocked if they didn't know that.  But again, some women don't want the entanglement.

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Noel, I think she trusted him so much and there were no signs of him doing this. I asked her once before he died, whether she had some papers drawn up regarding the home and she said "He takes care of the finances." I felt it overstepping to say anymore to her.

[Ms X]

@Noel7  Suzie Orman said a number of years ago that people who don't get married can draw up agreements that cover many important benefits that come with marriage.  I don't remember her specifics, though.  I guess that's kind of what Trinity is saying above as well.

[Noel7]

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@Trinity11 wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Trinity11 wrote:

I saw someone very close and dear to me live with a man for more than 30 years. When he passed unexpectedly, she had no legal right to any of his property (which he put in his own name). She found out after he passed that he had drawn up a will and everything went to his sister and brother. She was devastated both financially and emotionally.

So if you choose to live with someone without benefit of marriage, just make sure you see a lawyer and take care of financial arrangements. Other that that, to each his own....

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You're right, @Trinity11

Legal marriage grants more than a thousand legal benefits to the couple, which is why it was important to grant those same rights to gay couples.

Anyone who chooses not to marry should know that, I'd be shocked if they didn't know that.  But again, some women don't want the entanglement.

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Noel, I think she trusted him so much and there were no signs of him doing this. I asked her once before he died, whether she had some papers drawn up regarding the home and she said "He takes care of the finances." I felt it overstepping to say anymore to her.

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Hi @Trinity11  That is sad.  Even married women are encouraged by financial experts to be active in the financial part of a relationship because there are men who hide money and holdings and cheat their wives in a divorce.