Community Chat

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

My DD lives with her boyfriend  I see nothing wrong with it.  My mother who is 84 told me on my wedding day that I should go and live with my then husband instead of tying the knot.  Even though my parents had put out all the money for our wedding. We were very young and ended up divorced. So I think it is wise that my DD has spent this past year getting to know her boyfriend better before they get married.  They met in college and have been together since. 

I think everyone is different and putting judgment on people because you think it is wrong is your problem not theirs. 

[Suziepeach]

To each their own & what makes people happy...

My husband and I shared the same space for 8 months before we got married. 

[jackthebear]

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@SaRina wrote:

I would never consider marrying someone without living with him first.

Generally speaking, the older generation seems to be steadfast in their idea that living together before marriage is "sinful".  That's the way they were brought up.  Also, there was the practical aspect --  women had little choice back then -- they were financially dependent upon men and had to move right from their parents' home into their marital home.  Thankfully, today, women are more independent and have more choices to make a more informed decision when it comes to their personal happiness.

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was going to post same.

I think the percentage of young women today are working and can have their own housing and don't need to go from the family house to the "marriage house" and of course a generation or 2 ago the only to have a s---ual relationalship would be that of a married one.

[henderson]

I don't believe in living together before marriage.  It's just playing house.  My son and his girlfriend have been living together for about 5 years (known each other for about 9).  She is divorced and my 44 yr old son has never married and doesn't want to marry her -- he refuses to give us a reason, but he says he loves her.  She really wants marriage.  He had a fling and she took him back.  I think she should have said no way, we need counseling and I'm not living with you until you figure out why you did this.  Why should he marry her when he has all the benefits? 

[jackthebear]

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@henderson wrote:

I don't believe in living together before marriage.  It's just playing house.  My son and his girlfriend have been living together for about 5 years (known each other for about 9).  She is divorced and my 44 yr old son has never married and doesn't want to marry her -- he refuses to give us a reason, but he says he loves her.  She really wants marriage.  He had a fling and she took him back.  I think she should have said no way, we need counseling and I'm not living with you until you figure out why you did this.  Why should he marry her when he has all the benefits? 

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Agree with that too, but that's on her, she took him back.

What would happen if she gave him the ultimatum? marry me or nothing....

[Noel7]

Fifty years ago was the 1960s. Birth control, "free love" and living together.  

Today the marriage stats have gone down, and that's because many women choose not to legally tie themselves to a man.  They have their own career and support themselves.  Some choose to live with someone, some would rather live alone, and some choose marriage and children.

The big difference now is choice and not feeling pressure to do what others expect.

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

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@jackthebear wrote:

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@henderson wrote:

I don't believe in living together before marriage.  It's just playing house.  My son and his girlfriend have been living together for about 5 years (known each other for about 9).  She is divorced and my 44 yr old son has never married and doesn't want to marry her -- he refuses to give us a reason, but he says he loves her.  She really wants marriage.  He had a fling and she took him back.  I think she should have said no way, we need counseling and I'm not living with you until you figure out why you did this.  Why should he marry her when he has all the benefits? 

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Agree with that too, but that's on her, she took him back.

What would happen if she gave him the ultimatum? marry me or nothing....

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I find this comical. This guy is 44 has never been married, has cheated but his Mom dosen't believe in living together? As if he is a kid. I doubt he will ever change and this women has already been married. So she knows how he is,  either dosen't want to admit he is a louse or he pays for things and she will settle because he is better then  nothing. As for benefits? I think they may both be benefiting that goes both ways. 

[jaxs mom]

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@henderson wrote:

I don't believe in living together before marriage.  It's just playing house.  My son and his girlfriend have been living together for about 5 years (known each other for about 9).  She is divorced and my 44 yr old son has never married and doesn't want to marry her -- he refuses to give us a reason, but he says he loves her.  She really wants marriage.  He had a fling and she took him back.  I think she should have said no way, we need counseling and I'm not living with you until you figure out why you did this.  Why should he marry her when he has all the benefits? 

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It's 2016, he doesn't have to live with a woman to get " the benefits" as you call them. As he's already proven even to his girlfriend by having sex with someone other than her.  

[pggoody]

Never say never!   I have always said no living together before marriage.  I know so many young people doing otherwise.  Many are for financial based reasons.  Relationships are hard.  I have watched relationships end after living together.  Divorce is too commonplace.  I am starting to have mixed feelings.  

[Trinity11]

None of my business whether someone chooses to live with someone before marriage. For myself, and myself only, I believed in marriage as a sacrament....still do, however, outdated some may say it is.

I like Judge Judy's take on it. She talks about protection for both people in the relationship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgDSes7_HJ4