Community Chat

[Winter Holiday]

I think if a couple is going to go the way of marriage they should live together beforehand. It gives them a greater idea of what each other is like. It provides evidence on how well they make financial decisions, how well they deal with a crisis and if they are sexually compatible. Why be shocked or duped with things one doesn't like or can't handle after the fact. Divorce is costly and then if the couple decides to have one or more children.....

[qualitygal]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

marriage is for some, but not for everyone.

living together is for some, but not for everyone.

staying single and living alone is for some, but not for everyone.

casual relationships are for some, but not for everyone.

long distance relationships are for some, but not for everyone.

in other words, every relationship is unique and cannot be pinned down to one single answer by people outside of the relationship.

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You could push a kid in a swing and say that verse. But, Sunshine is right. Time will tell in any situation. Remember only death and taxes are for sure!

[Pook]

Personally I think marriage originated so men could have a women to have their children and care for them.  Women were just another possesion.  Life is so different now and women are equal and can have their own lives.  

My parents did not have a happy marriage even though my father thought so.  When I moved in with my SO (32 years ago and relationship still going strong)  my father said what's wrong with getting married - look at ours and my mother said SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!!   I know some women who think if you live with someone it's wrong but they have been married several times each during the time I have been with SO!  I think there is no one choice to fit all!! 

[PINKdogWOOD]

Couples choosing to live together seemed to be the thing to do in the 70s, seemed to be popular then.  And I'm thinking the reality is, it never really 'went out of style' though I really don't know.

I find nothing wrong with couples moving in together under one roof.  This does work for many and perhaps it is a much better idea than meeting somebody, deciding they love each other after who knows how long, get married, live together under one roof and find they're not at all compatible. 

Every person has their own quirks.  Could be the simplest thing(s) that bug the other person, drive them insane, make them crazy - all enough to end up driving a wedge deep enough to cause a split up and/or divorce.  These are reasons to seem to make living together first for months to really get to know each other.

Others on the other hand totally fall in love living together and end up staying together forever.  Some may end up choosing to marry, others not.  I personally don't think it matters whethers 2 people who find true love, stay together for life, choose to marry or not.

My DH and I met on a blind date.  He fell in love, moved in with me immediately.  That lasted 33 years before we found we had to get married, all for health insurance reasons.  Nothing ever changed one way or the other between us. Still together after 41 years this year.

[jubilant]

I am not for living together before marriage.

[SaRina]

I would never consider marrying someone without living with him first.

Generally speaking, the older generation seems to be steadfast in their idea that living together before marriage is "sinful".  That's the way they were brought up.  Also, there was the practical aspect --  women had little choice back then -- they were financially dependent upon men and had to move right from their parents' home into their marital home.  Thankfully, today, women are more independent and have more choices to make a more informed decision when it comes to their personal happiness.

[ID2]

I have two children, both have lived with their spouse beforehand. Sure, I voiced that I didn't like it but I still wanted to see my children so I kept quiet about my old fashioned opinion. I'd rather they do what they've done. They both are married much older than we were but I'm glad they have the insight to make sure this is the right one for them. 

[nun ya]

Not my business how other people choose to live.

[Starpolisher]

I too am "OLD SCHOOL."  My one son lived with ddil  one month before their wedding in the condo they purchased. Even though they were getting married, I was uncomfortable with it. Other ds lives alone. I  have been married 42 years. I was only 20 and dh was 22 when we married. We met in high school. Marriage like everything else has seasons. Sometimes up, sometimes down. I will never believe that living together first makes you know how it will work. People change. Hopefully, they grow. I am not the same person I was 42 years ago. Sometimes I love being married. Other times I think, "what the he** was wrong with me?" I do know at this stage of my life I would never do it again! That being said, I believe that you have to do what works for you!

[deepwaterdotter]

My husband and I lived together eleven years before we were married.  We have been happily married for 25 years this year.  It's a personal choice to be made by the cohabitants.