LET'S HAVE A FEW LAUGHS, SHALL WE?

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

1. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and then I eat it.

2. When you can't stand to listen to someone for one more second. "I'm sorry, I have to go. You're boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in."

3. When someone makes a comment about your small stature..."You know what they say- dynamite comes in small packages."

4. The old man was on the examining table in the doctor's office, having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man's ear and said, "Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!" Rats, said the old man. Now I know where my hearing aide went!"

5. After a long time, I told my coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way I did. So we turned on the air conditioning.

6. My wife apologized for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she married me.

7. Inside me is a skinny woman trying to get out.

8. The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.

9. The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.

10. Headline: STOLE MY HAPPINESS.

To the guy who stole my antidepressant's:

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW.

More To Follow

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam