Community Chat

[Lindsays Grandma]

HERE'S TO DAD:

DOC: Your dad has been in a coma for nine days.

We're running out of ideas.

ME: Let me try. (Goes to adjust thermostat)

DAD: (opens one eye)

SCENE:  A race.  The gun goes off.  Every runner

pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts

the race.

ANNOUNCER:  And the annual Dad 5k is under way.

Why is it called a dad bod and not a

father figure?

A few weeks ago, my dad decided he was

going to order pizza from his iPad.

He's almost finished. 

"Let's make vacations less fun." - Hotels that

put scales in the bathrooms.

I told you I would be there in five minutes.

Stop calling me every half hour.

"Dear, if you you'll make the toast and pour

the juice,  said the the newly-wed bride,

"breakfast will be ready."

   "Good!  What are we having for breakfast?"

  asked the new husband?"

     "Toast and juice."

Golf is a game in which you yell "Fore." 

Shoot six, and write down five.

The average golfer walks about 900 miles

and drinks 22 gallons of alcohol each year.

Which means a golfers get about 41 miles

to the gallon.

My husband cooks for me like I am

a God - by placing burnt offerings

before me every night

So you're telling me...  

...a shrimp fried this rice?

...a flea runs this market?

...this garage is for sale?

[godi]

Oh that first one would have been my Dad for sure! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️