LAUGH TIME 2

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

11. I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka.

12. "Waiter, the steak is smelling my strong scent of liquor." The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, "How's that now?"

13. Guest at a restaurant: "I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager!" Waiter: "That's no use. He won't eat it either."

14. How do you rob a snowman?

With a hairdryer.

15. Secretary to doctor: "The invisible man has come, he says he has an appointment." Doctor: "Tell him I can't see him."

16. Grandpa, why don't you have life insurance?

So you can all be really sad when I die.

17. Question: I have an extra large nose, three eyes

and thirty teeth. What am I?

Answer: Ugly

18. An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it's an exit. A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an on rushing train. The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on the the train tracks.

19. What sits up in a tree and goes "aaaaaah"?

An owl with a speech impediment.

20. Doctor: "Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80."

Patient: "But, wait." I am 80 right now."

Doctor: "See, I told you to live healthier."

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam