Reply
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Kind of a petty question

On 3/5/2015 chickenbutt said:

If I were your friend and I were taking you out for your birthday, I would want it to be where YOU wanted to go, because it is your birthday.

That said, however, I guess I'd just have to go with the flow. It might stick in my craw just a little bit that she isn't interested in my feelings and my choice. But I'd just zip it and go along with what she wants.

I get the vibe that she is VERY strong-minded about having her way. Otherwise, I imagine she would ask you where you want to go, since it's your birthday. That's why I guess I'd just let it go and, like somebody else said, pick your battles.

I get the complete opposite impression. This friend took her to a steakhouse 4 years in a row even though she herself doesn't eat red meat. I think if she was very strong-minded that never would have happened, and she would have insisted on going where she wanted to go back in 2011. But she didn't. And not in 2012, 2013, or 2014, either. I think she's pretty clearly demonstrated that she DOES care about baileysue's feelings and choice.

And this year she simply suggested another place. I don't see that as strong-minded about having her way at all. I think she sounds like a sweet & caring friend who just suggested that they try a restaurant they might both enjoy. A 4-Diamond restaurant. And she's picking up the tab.

Someone like that can take me out to dinner for my birthday any time!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,556
Registered: ‎09-08-2010

Re: Kind of a petty question

I've been treated to restaurants that I didn't particurarly want to go to a few times. But I agree with the poster that said it's more about the friendship than anything else. Have a good time and happy birthday.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,595
Registered: ‎12-07-2012

Re: Kind of a petty question

Happy Birthday! Friendships are too hard to come by to let this cause a blip. She has taken you to a steakhouse, and now you opened the door to a different place. Enjoy!! Life is short.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,595
Registered: ‎12-07-2012

Re: Kind of a petty question

P.S. I don't see the guilt trip in this at all.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Kind of a petty question

I unfortunately do not have any friends take me out be it my birthday or a special occasion and foot the bill. I can tell you this however that given an invitation I let that person decide where we would go to eat. now most of the people that would be likely to take me out on any occasion I can assure you the chances of it being a high end restaurant would be pretty unlikely.
hckynut(john)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,714
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Kind of a petty question

You must have forgot to include the guilt trip stuff because nothing in your story even suggests any such thing. I suppose if you care more about the food than you do about celebrating your b'day with a good friend, you could ask to go the restaurant you prefer. I wouldn't do that, not since she's been so generous to you on past birthdays. I'd go to the Italian restaurant and choose something from the menu that appealed to me. Most restaurants have steak on the menu.

Super Contributor
Posts: 790
Registered: ‎09-05-2010

Re: Kind of a petty question

On 3/5/2015 baileysue said:

I can see how it looks--like I am ungrateful, and I guess I am. She has always said I could pick the place to go on my birthday and she picks on her birthday. I had been looking forward to this other place that I wanted to try, so I am kind of disappointed. I wouldn't tell someone they could pick the place and then take them someplace else. But yes, this is a 60 yr. friendship and it isn't worth it. So I told her we would be happy to accept her choice. Count me as being a poor friend.

Some of you posters seemed to have missed this little bit of info. It's a reciprocal gift giving and they have both been treating each other all these years. The OP would therefore have been perfectly in her right to have pushed her own choice on her birthday.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,595
Registered: ‎12-07-2012

Re: Kind of a petty question

On 3/6/2015 Issiestorm said:
On 3/5/2015 baileysue said:

I can see how it looks--like I am ungrateful, and I guess I am. She has always said I could pick the place to go on my birthday and she picks on her birthday. I had been looking forward to this other place that I wanted to try, so I am kind of disappointed. I wouldn't tell someone they could pick the place and then take them someplace else. But yes, this is a 60 yr. friendship and it isn't worth it. So I told her we would be happy to accept her choice. Count me as being a poor friend.

Some of you posters seemed to have missed this little bit of info. It's a reciprocal gift giving and they have both been treating each other all these years. The OP would therefore have been perfectly in her right to have pushed her own choice on her birthday.

No, I did not miss this. If two adults cannot agree and enjoy a meal together without "pushing"who have been friends 60 years, well, that speaks to the friendship.
Super Contributor
Posts: 790
Registered: ‎09-05-2010

Re: Kind of a petty question

If the OP had simply stated that she would have preferred to go to the restaurant of her choice since it was her birthday, I doubt there would have been any issue at all. Nowhere did I get the feeling that there was any problem with the friendship.

And that is all I'm going to say about this subject. I'm out of here.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,522
Registered: ‎09-29-2013

Re: Kind of a petty question

In the original polling the details might have been better expressed for more consideration by those answering. But in the end, I still see no evidence of "guilt-tripping" or poor friendship by either party. Seems the OP was just caught off guard and a bit disappointed by the host's suggestion, but she prioritized the situation as I would have. The friendship matters most.

Happy Birthday to you!