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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 127
Registered: ‎02-25-2020

Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

I had planned to meet my daughter for breakfast at Ihop this morning but I decided to cancel because of the spike in virus cases in my area.  I live in what they call a "hot spot".  So does she actually.  She lives about 100 miles away and was coming through my town on her way to Florida for vacation.  While we were talking on the phone my daughter started discussing Christmas plans and is really disappointed my husband and I decided we shouldn't come to her house for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.  We thought it best to stay away since she is dating someone who has 2 teenage daughters that will be there and we have no idea if they practice social distancing,  etc.   Plus I have 1 teenage granddaughter who I would imagine isn't following the guidelines either.  And an ex-son in law who always shows up  and doesn't do anything he's supposed to.

 

I also mentioned the CDC is recommending not to attend family gatherings with people not in your own household.  And if you do, wear a mask in the house, keep 6 feet away from everyone and open windows to let in fresh air.  Well, that's not going to happen in my family I'm sure.  So, all in all, it just seemed like a bad idea right now.

 

She was quiet on the phone and just said, okay.  I couldn't tell if she was upset or mad or disappointed really.  It was really hard to break the bad news to her because she's always placed at lot of importance on being with family at the holidays.  Anyway, I told her we're just going to keep doing what we've been doing all these months...stay home or go to the grocery store.  Come to think of it,  going to Walmart is probably more dangerous than going to her house for Christmas.

 

I'm just kind of venting here, no need for advice or anything since the decision is already made.  I know there's lots of people that think I'm being overly cautious (probably my daughter too), but I'm 72 years old and I figure one year of skipping the holidays isn't the end of the world.  And maybe by staying away this year, I'll be around for many more holidays!

 

I just wish I didn't feel like such a chicken hearted jerk.  I don't consider myself paranoid about COVID, but I try to just take normal recommended precautions.  I'm not even sure I believe all these COVID numbers that are being spewed out, but I'm just not ready to risk it.

 

Sorry for the long post.  Just off-loading a little.  Smiley Frustrated

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,924
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

No advice here, just want to say you are doing the right thing.  Hold firm.

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,228
Registered: ‎03-30-2014

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

[ Edited ]

 Not understanding why eating with DD at IHOP is safe and not eating with her at the holidays is unsafe.

 

Shouldn't they conform?

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,564
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

@caroln242 you certainly aren't being over cautious- this is all your decision and being comfortable with what's going on. 

 

My husband and I aren't going home for Christmas- my son completely understood- like I told him, our ages put us at high risk and my husband is a cancer survivor plus we have no idea who they've been around and visa versa.  This year is certainly different and people should be more understanding.

 

I think you made the right decision so don't feel bad, this too shall pass..  

Go VOLS
Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee
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Regular Contributor
Posts: 214
Registered: ‎05-22-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

I understand your decision as I have made the same one.  I'm a little younger than you but have medical issues that leave me in danger of contacting the virus.  I will be alone with the TV and a Thanksgiving dinner I ordered from Honey Baked Ham.  Enjoy the day with your husband!

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,318
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

You are making the right decision for yourself and your family.  Each of us have different situations and will have to decide and proceed with what they think is best for themselves and their families. 

It is a difficult decision sometimes but I hope we can all stay healthy.

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,343
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

[ Edited ]

We are holding off on the big Thanksgiving as well but for us not due to covid.  My DDIL is on call for Thanksgiving so as to be closer to her patients.  I will go to their home for just us.  Every year it is either Thanksgiving or Christmas for her duty. 

 

My SIL who always hosts our big family Thanksgiving told me this week that her daughter and her grandson have recovered from Covid a few weeks ago.  Her son in law and granddaughter never came down with it thank goodness.  You just never know how this virus will strike or not strike even under the same roof.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."
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Valued Contributor
Posts: 968
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

[ Edited ]

I totally understand why you would not be spending the holidays with your family. I am not spending the holidays with my family either. I am sad about it.  I know that my family members take precautions like mask wearing, hand washing, social distancing etc. But I have asthma and I just cannot risk getting sick. I am thankful that they also do not want to risk getting or spreading the virus by having a large gathering. 

 

I will be spending the holidays alone. I do look on the bright side though. Not just the "this will pass eventually", but also that we are so lucky that we have the ability to connect with our family and friends in ways that were not available years ago. I will get to "see" my family via facetime/zoom. I will get pictures of their trees, presents, dinner setting etc in real time. And while I will miss the hugs and laughs that I would experience in person, I thank God that I still have my family and pray that we will all be able to be together next year. 

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 557
Registered: ‎03-06-2020

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

@caroln242   (((((HUGS)))))

"Coming to ya from Florida"
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Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,550
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

[ Edited ]

@Still Raining wrote:

 Not understanding why eating with DD at IHOP is safe and not eating with her at the holidays is unsafe.

 

Shouldn't they conform?



She cancelled the meet up at IHOP.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan