Just curious ... Re: elderly parents - Page 4

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

Yes, I would. Elderly people need checked in on frequently whether or not they have had surgery.....especially if they live alone. With any surgery it is just that much more important to check.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@PurpleBunny wrote:
If your elderly parent (living alone) had minor surgery, would you call them afterwards to see how they were doing or just to let them know that you were thinking of them?

Just wondering.

If you live out of town and can't be there, then call.

I would be with my parent. I take care of my parents and disabled sister. They would never be alone for any kind of surgery, minor or serious. I'd be there and would be sure they got home and had what they needed for medication, meals, phone at their side, etc. If it was serious, I'd stay with them that night.

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

@PurpleBunny: Truly sorry if this was your experience. Do we share the same relatives? I could tell stories, but I will not hijack your post.

I have found that I must tell my family members before such an event what my hopes are from them. I will tell them before the procedure what day it is planned, and if I will need transportation and that I would appreciate a call from each of them to check on me after because such a call would make me feel good. After that, it's on them to come through for you.

It's hard and often unrealistic to have expectations of others, even loved ones, but it's good to communicate our feelings ahead of time to try to avoid disappointment next time.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Silver Lining wrote:
@haddon9 wrote:
Yes I would call but since my 90 year old mother lives in south Florida and refuses to move up near me in Pa I can't run down to see her each time something minor happens.

She lives alone but has aides come in each day to help out.

@haddon9, no offense or anthing but I could understand why a 90 year old woman would want to stay in her own home or apartment in Florida where the winter climate is more comfortable for her.

She then has to do with hired help and not family. These situations always have dynamics like how family gets along, who is spoken to and not, who is in charge of the elderly person's care and who is not, and such and so forth.

When many of you are talking about what YOU would, remember that it is not a perfect world for many people. There is another thread going about how hard it is to deal with elderly people sometimes, many issues are discussed there.

Families don't always get along, don't always agree on what should be done, don't always share responsibilities--and that can be from people who don't participate in the care plan, or people who take over the elderly person and their care despite what other siblings think should be done. Then there are people who are alone trying to deal with an elderly person--who may or may not live close to them by choice.

We never know what is really going on in these situations, so just remember that and know that it is one of the most difficult family dynamics facing people in our country now. You can't always act on what "should" happen.

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

@PurpleBunny

perhaps you could call them when you are with your dad? that way he gets to talk to them and will hopefully be less anxious or upset.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I come from, and married into, families who do not share this type of information. Before their deaths, my inlaws had many tests and procedures my husband never knew about. It wasn't that my husband wasn't interested; his parents just didn't think they needed to share details about their health. My husband would not share details about his health with his mother, and does not share those details with his siblings either.

Five years ago when I had knee replacement, I told only my coworkers and immediate family. My name did not appear on the hospital census, as I did not want visitors or phone calls. Am getting ready to have the second knee done, and will once again limit this information.

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

@PurpleBunny wrote:
@QVCkitty1 wrote:
I was an only, and I used to think that it would be nice to have a sibling to help . I was surprised to learn that many of my friends with siblings never got any help with their parents. It always seems to be one person who carries the load. I don't mean to generalize, be I've seen it too often for it to be a rarity.
Absolutely right. I've noticed it too when talking with people.

This is my experience with my immediate, extended family as well as friends.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

I don't know how you could ask that question. How did the elderly parent get to the surgery location? It sounds like you are not close to your parent because you would not ask the question. Of course, you would be concerned and probably go visit to see if they need anything if they are close by (in the same state).

kindness is strength

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@PurpleBunny. Feel like kind of an expert here after my OP on CHANGES IN OLDER PARENTS ended up in 19 pgs. of replies/discussion.

If possible and within driving distance, I'd be present for any surgery. Nothing worse than waking up to strange faces, being driven home by a friend, dumped out and all alone to recouperate.

If being there is not an option, definitely call the night before to wish them luck and ask them or whoever will be with them to call when they're awake so you know all is OK. A little concern goes a long way & isn't that what we'd expect from our kids or close relative?

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Silver Lining wrote:
@haddon9 wrote:
Yes I would call but since my 90 year old mother lives in south Florida and refuses to move up near me in Pa I can't run down to see her each time something minor happens.

She lives alone but has aides come in each day to help out.

@haddon9, no offense or anthing but I could understand why a 90 year old woman would want to stay in her own home or apartment in Florida where the winter climate is more comfortable for her.

No offense taken. I understand why she wants to remain and if I were in her position I might also. However she only has one friend left in her complex. Over the years all of her friends either passed or moved on to assisted living. Her life revolves around her aides who take her shopping or the doctors.

I think she might be happier going into independent living since she could have more of a social life but it's her choice and up to her. There are pros & cons moving back up here. The weather is definitely a con, seeing her grandchildren more than once a year would be a pro.

It's a hard decision but I can't make it for her.