Just a little vent on someone NOT saying thanks - Page 6

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@onionsoup wrote:
@petepetey wrote:
Did I enjoy the weekend? NO, I did not. I was a lot of work. Having guests at any time is a lot of work, cooking, cleaning before during and after.

I would have rather spent the last 2 days of my daughters break with her.

I was being kind.
@petepeteyI think you owe it to yourself to discuss how you feel with your daughter. If the girl is really some snotty, disrespectful person would you want her to associate with your daughter? Of course it's her choice, she's old enough to make her own decision who to associate with but she's also old enough to know that her friend's behavior bothered you. You just want to know and I see nothing wrong with that.

@puttypiesmom @petepetey

I agree that "she won't be invited back" and then fume in silence, or vent on a message board, is simply perpetuating the problem .... and just how is that helpful?

I agree with those who said a conversation with the daughter could be very enlightening .... "Didn't she enjoy herself? Was there a problem?"

I think many dismissing this simply as "rude behavior" doesn't identify the real problem. In many cases, I tend to blame the parents for not teaching manners, and then reinforcing this behavior throughout childhood makes me wonder how these parents behave with others.

It's quite possible this girl is "ignorant" of appropriate manners and behavior because the parents don't behave that way, either.

A male friend of mine once broke up with a lovely gal because "she didn't know how to RECEIVE". Any time he did something thoughtful, or gave her some cute thing, she rejected his presents, clearly quite uncomfortable. Low self-esteem? Awkward socially all around?

If this is a close friend, and her daughter continues to be a friend, someone needs to buy this young woman an etiquette book for her birthday ..... or maybe not wait that long.

Is it better to let this moment pass and let this clueless person go through the rest of her life doing this?

JMO

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

I doubt the OP played host for a thank you. More likely it was done to please her daughter. She was disappointed her daughter's friend was rude and I don't blame her. I would be disappointed if my child chose rude friends.

A thank you is a social requirement that separates the gracious from those lacking manners. It has nothing to do with payment in the form of making the one thanked feel good.

CareBears · ‎08-30-2015

One time we allowed my cousin to live with us for 3 months, in that 3 months we paid for everything, all of his food, his long distance phone calls, dinners out, in that 3 months he never thanked us once, never even offered to give us money, and then to top it all of he informed us that he was moving his girlfriend in and his dog, that is when we put our foot down, and then his mother called me (my aunt) and blamed my husband and I for being selfish and inconsiderate, now I know where he got his manners from, BTW I have not talked to my aunt or him since then, which has been several years. Some people expect a free ride and then when their free ride is over your the bad one? We learned our lesson then, which is sad when you cannot even trust family!

CareBears · ‎08-30-2015

@Puppy Lips Our SIL has never thanked us for a gift either, in fact he has refused gifts because they were not to his liking but he had our daughter call us to tell us to come and pick up the gifts because he did not "Want them", I caanot believe our daughter was not embarrassed but no, she had no problem telling us that he simply did want our gifts?

golding76 · ‎05-19-2012

Frankly, I would be seething underneath if someone enjoyed my family's generous hospitality and move-in help and did not express a direct thank-you for all our effort and expenditure. What an attitude! Such a sense of entitlement!

In our home we express gratitude often when it is appropriate. This topic has been on my mind for several weeks now, to tell the truth. I've noticed that one of my nieces never says thank you in a return email when I compliment her, her family or when I've made an offer to help her out, if needed. My first response in all these cases when I am the recipient is to say "thank you." Nothing ever said in return. In fact, I usually do not receive any response.

She just turned 50. Is this generational? I don't think so. Somehow, some people are not grateful or gracious.

corita · ‎08-20-2012

@occasionalrain wrote:
I doubt the OP played host for a thank you. More likely it was done to please her daughter. She was disappointed her daughter's friend was rude and I don't blame her. I would be disappointed if my child chose rude friends.

A thank you is a social requirement that separates the gracious from those lacking manners. It has nothing to do with payment in the form of making the one thanked feel good.
------------------
Absolutely agree!! Thanking someone is an expression of gratitude. I do think that it is a life lesson that is learned as a child. Maybe the "friend" will write a thank you note!!

Puppy Lips · ‎05-09-2010

@CareBears wrote:
@Puppy Lips Our SIL has never thanked us for a gift either, in fact he has refused gifts because they were not to his liking but he had our daughter call us to tell us to come and pick up the gifts because he did not "Want them", I caanot believe our daughter was not embarrassed but no, she had no problem telling us that he simply did want our gifts?

If someone I gave a gift to refused it and did not thank me, that would be the last gift they got from me. There is a polite way to say, "thank you" and ask for an exchange. But to just say essentially, "no, come get it," is really rude.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

Jackhound Mom · ‎03-09-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
I doubt the OP played host for a thank you. More likely it was done to please her daughter. She was disappointed her daughter's friend was rude and I don't blame her. I would be disappointed if my child chose rude friends.

A thank you is a social requirement that separates the gracious from those lacking manners. It has nothing to do with payment in the form of making the one thanked feel good.

Well said! I agree 100%

Jackhound Mom · ‎03-09-2010

@CareBears wrote:
One time we allowed my cousin to live with us for 3 months, in that 3 months we paid for everything, all of his food, his long distance phone calls, dinners out, in that 3 months he never thanked us once, never even offered to give us money, and then to top it all of he informed us that he was moving his girlfriend in and his dog, that is when we put our foot down, and then his mother called me (my aunt) and blamed my husband and I for being selfish and inconsiderate, now I know where he got his manners from, BTW I have not talked to my aunt or him since then, which has been several years. Some people expect a free ride and then when their free ride is over your the bad one? We learned our lesson then, which is sad when you cannot even trust family!

Dear CB,

Sorry for you and all the OP's that have had this happen. We have also with some of our neighbors to the point that I don't want to be giving as much. Some of us are givers and some are takers and only experience will allow you to know who is who.

It is never too much to expect to be thanked for a gift or kindness.

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

@petepetey I think in all honesty, she was not trying to be rude. She is just very shy. I met my DH 10 years ago when he was 19. He's not the talkative type and he was very socially awkward when we first met. He wouldn't respond at the appropriate time or express the things most people do. It would annoy me until I realized he was just a little off socially due to insecurity.

He's made great strides now but every now and then he does it and I have to tell him he should've thanked me or said this or that. I know to us who don't have this issue it doesn't make sense but he says he gets caught up thinking what to say next since he feels nervous about it. That makes him miss the right prompts or to say the right things at the right time.

She's 20. I would somehow say something in a respectful way so she learns. She might not even know she came off as rude and unappreciative. Do her a favor IMO and help her grow. My DH is so much better off for my respectful honesty. He's become sort of a social butterfly and it's all because I gave him the benefit of the doubt since I didn't know him.

~Live with Intention~