Community Chat

[fourpaws56]

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@fourpaws56 wrote:

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@chickenbutt wrote:

You're in my heart, IG!  I feel like I'm running out of words and what could I say, anyway?     i guess there is value in the fact that I totally understand your pain and I wish I could take it away from you.  

I'd take everybody's pain if I could.  I'm pretty much a lost cause so I'd rather take on all that pain than to have so many others being in pain, too.  

I just feel sad for you nice ladies who have had to deal with such unfairness.  Life isn't fair.  Boy, do I know that!  But it sure seems like some people have way more than their share of unfairness.

  

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you are not `a lost cause, I felt that way for years,an abusive childhood,and four abusive marriages...my ex called me damaged goods..made me really hate people, especially men...(I do love all you ladies on here tho ;-)  )

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[KingstonsMom]

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@chickenbutt wrote:

You're in my heart, IG!  I feel like I'm running out of words and what could I say, anyway?     i guess there is value in the fact that I totally understand your pain and I wish I could take it away from you.  

I'd take everybody's pain if I could.  I'm pretty much a lost cause so I'd rather take on all that pain than to have so many others being in pain, too.  

I just feel sad for you nice ladies who have had to deal with such unfairness.  Life isn't fair.  Boy, do I know that!  But it sure seems like some people have way more than their share of unfairness.

  

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@chickenbutt

And you're in mine! You're right, there is a lot of value to me that you understand, although I wish none of us had to endure this. I wish I could take your pain, as well!

But I keep telling myself that it made me a stronger person and my DD knew what the true love of a 'real' Mom was!

[KingstonsMom]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

@MaggieMack...thank you .You are very kind. It's nice that we can share our experiences without being judged by people who think we are just feeling sorry for ourselves or looking for sympathy. I, for one, find it comforting that I am not alone in my feelings and that there are other real people willing to share and be open about it. Just think how many people are keeping all of their pain and feelings hidden inside and are ashamed to talk about it. These horrible things we have gone through stay with us throughout life. We might forgive, but we don't forget. God bless every one of you strong ladies. We are all survivors!!

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@catwhisperer

You're so right and you said it more eloquently than I could!

I thank you all!

[stazgirl]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@stazgirl wrote:

It IS always good to talk about it, I find I don"t as much as I should, I keep it bottled up sometimes because people do not understand unless they have been there and can be incredialy hurtful, And I am still going through it with my daughter,   I admire every one of those who have lived through the nightmares, I think we have a capacity to feel for people much more so than those who feel they lives will never be touched by anything but golden threads and so many feel that us "scarred" people are a blemish and look down on us.  I think they are secretly afraid it WILL happen to them and they do not know if they would make it through to the other side.

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@stazgirl...you can say that again! Believe me, I have on the receiving end of some very cruel, hurtful, hateful comments. My son's widow called me all sorts of names, blaming me for not being a good enough mother. Come to find out, she was supplying him with drugs!!! Sheesh.

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hateful people in the world.  hoity toity hateful people.  All I can say is Karma is a bitch and I have seen it happen.  so the hateful ones will be taken care of..

[KingstonsMom]

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@chickenbutt wrote:

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@stazgirl wrote:

It IS always good to talk about it, I find I don"t as much as I should, I keep it bottled up sometimes because people do not understand unless they have been there and can be incredialy hurtful, And I am still going through it with my daughter,   I admire every one of those who have lived through the nightmares, I think we have a capacity to feel for people much more so than those who feel they lives will never be touched by anything but golden threads and so many feel that us "scarred" people are a blemish and look down on us.  I think they are secretly afraid it WILL happen to them and they do not know if they would make it through to the other side.

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Well said!   I also agree that these experiences make us able and open to understanding a lot more than some might.  I've known some people who, while maybe their lives weren't perfect, never really had any major diversity to deal with so these are usually the ones who just casually throw out there - GET OVER IT.     That's when you want to punch somebody in the head.  ha!  

FYI, I AM over it.  But there is no denying that these traumas become a part of who you are.  I wish more people understood that and just let it go.  Everything I see, feel, and experience is through the lens of having to become a survivor from the time I was a very small child.  I don't trust humans too much.  Then, when I do, and they burn me i tend to punish myself by saying 'you stupid -   you knew better, etc'.    

To never feel loved (growing up) and never feel safe and always feel alone profoundly colors EVERYTHING in your life.

For you ladies who had to lose a child to this is something I just will never be able to imagine fully.  But I guess I probably understand the child more because of being that child.  My heart really does go out to you, though!!

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@chickenbutt

Very well said! Those are the same feelings I have and trust has always been an issue for me, too.

I mean, if you can't trust your own Mother, who can you trust? 

My heart breaks for anyone who's lost a child, regardless of how. My daughter is the light of my life!

[stazgirl]

I would rather have as friends ones who have gone through true adversity, not the ones who think having to miss a hair appointment , or the furniture needing dusting or OMG! how CAN I have people over when Johnny's toys are out?, is cause for grief,  experiences shape our lives and our understanding of it.  I would so much rather have friends who know the true meaning of friendship and love and what is and isn't important, and know how to work through it and stay strong.  They are the ones unshakable.   

[stazgirl]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@stazgirl wrote:

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@stazgirl wrote:

It IS always good to talk about it, I find I don"t as much as I should, I keep it bottled up sometimes because people do not understand unless they have been there and can be incredialy hurtful, And I am still going through it with my daughter,   I admire every one of those who have lived through the nightmares, I think we have a capacity to feel for people much more so than those who feel they lives will never be touched by anything but golden threads and so many feel that us "scarred" people are a blemish and look down on us.  I think they are secretly afraid it WILL happen to them and they do not know if they would make it through to the other side.

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@stazgirl...you can say that again! Believe me, I have on the receiving end of some very cruel, hurtful, hateful comments. My son's widow called me all sorts of names, blaming me for not being a good enough mother. Come to find out, she was supplying him with drugs!!! Sheesh.

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hateful people in the world.  hoity toity hateful people.  All I can say is Karma is a bitch and I have seen it happen.  so the hateful ones will be taken care of..

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@stazgirl....I am far from perfect and have said many unkind things to people. Probably from all the anger i have been carrying around all my life. However, the older I get, the more I am realizing that some people are just not worth stewing over. They can say what they want, call me names, whatever. I am so tired of people flaunting themselves and thinking they are better than everyone else, bragging, etc. I don't have time for that.

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I AGREE!!! every one says hurtful things in their lives. NO ONE is perfect.  and you are right, those people who amke a point of purposely hurting are not worth it,  People can say what they want to me, I really do not care, I have those in my life who love me and an angel waitng for me...so hit me with your best shot,,I WILL GET BACK UP!  ,I WILL survive!!    You are a beautiful person and I am so sure your son was also.  have a good night.

[stazgirl]

THANK YOU to all the strong women on this thread, you have made my afternoon.  Always good to talk amongst understanding friends.. Have a good peaceful evening.