Reply
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,290
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

JOKES THAT ARE PRETTY FUNNY (CORNY)

[ Edited ]

1.   Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?

      Because they were watch dogs.

 

2.   My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean.  I don't know why she 's mad at  me.

 

3.   What do you call a dog that can do magic?  

      A Labracadabra.

 

4.   Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

       Because thye're so good at it.

 

5.   What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer?

      100 sows and bucks.

 

6.   What's brown and sticky?  A stick.

 

7.   Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three states.  Solid, liquid and gas.

 

8.   Why did the rasin go out with the prune?  Because he couldn't find a date. -

 

9.   The difference between a numerator and denominator is a short line.  Only a fraction of people will understand it.

 

10.  Today my son asked, "Can I have a bookmark?"  I burst into tears.  11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

 

11.   Niece:  "I have a lot of friends named Nathan, theirs             Nathan...(endless droning about nicknames.)

      Me:  "When they are together, do you call them

               "The  United Nations?"

 

12.   What's the least spoken language in the world?

        Sign Language.

 

13.   What do you call a hippies wife?  Mississippi.

 

14.   I was addicted to Hokey Pokey... but I turned myself               around.

 

15.   We all know about Murphy's Law:  Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.  But have you heard of Cole's Law?  It's thinly sliced cabbage.

 

16.   My friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson and if you don't think that's the best dad joke ever get out of my face.

 

17.   You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

 

18.   Dad: "Did you hear about the kidnapping in school?

       Son: "No, what happened?"

       Dad: "The teacher woke him up."

 

19.   What sound does a witches car make?

        Broom - Broom!

 

20.   Son:  "Dad, I'm hungry."

        Dad:  "Hi hungry, I'm dad"

 

                                   The End

                             

                               Reader's Digest

                               Claire Norwake

                               Caroline Faning

               

 

 

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,370
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: JOKES THAT ARE PRETTY FUNNY (CORNY)

@Lindsays Grandma     I had just been listening to KNX Newsradio (LA) on the computer, and thinking what a nasty week this is going to be.........and THEN I read The Jokes......and

 

BURST OUT LAUGHING

 

HeartMany thanks for brightening up my morning!Heart    di

♥Surface of the Sun♥
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,290
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: JOKES THAT ARE PRETTY FUNNY (CORNY)

[ Edited ]

@desertDi ...Di, if we don't find something to laugh about we will all end up in a loony bin.  Last month when I had my appointment with my pain management provider she was in rare form and we laughed through the entire 45 minutes, boy did that feel good.  

 

As much as I know how important it is to keep up with what is happening in our world, I refuse to watch or listen to any doomsday discussions, unless of course it is of immediate urgency.  My cell phone is constantly announcing activity, especially about Mesa, Phoenix and Scottsdale.  What is it with these three, more so with Phoenix and Scottsdale, people shooting people, and horrific car accidents.

 

I have one more chore to deal with and then it's off to my bedroom to watch my series on Netflix until I can't keep my eyes open.  Take care...

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,517
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: JOKES THAT ARE PRETTY FUNNY (CORNY)

My DH father would love these jokes. He is the king of corny! 🤣🤣🤣 Thnaks for the laughs this morning @Lindsays Grandma 🙏❤️☕️

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,562
Registered: ‎06-13-2010

Re: JOKES THAT ARE PRETTY FUNNY (CORNY)

@Lindsays Grandma  😂😂 This is a truly CORNY collection, but I am truly enjoying it.😂

 

 

~~~All we need is LOVE💖