Stay in Touch
Get sneak previews of special offers & upcoming events delivered to your inbox.
Sign in
11-23-2020 02:16 AM - edited 11-23-2020 02:18 AM
1. Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
Because they were watch dogs.
2. My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean. I don't know why she 's mad at me.
3. What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabra.
4. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because thye're so good at it.
5. What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer?
100 sows and bucks.
6. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
7. Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three states. Solid, liquid and gas.
8. Why did the rasin go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date. -
9. The difference between a numerator and denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand it.
10. Today my son asked, "Can I have a bookmark?" I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
11. Niece: "I have a lot of friends named Nathan, theirs Nathan...(endless droning about nicknames.)
Me: "When they are together, do you call them
"The United Nations?"
12. What's the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language.
13. What do you call a hippies wife? Mississippi.
14. I was addicted to Hokey Pokey... but I turned myself around.
15. We all know about Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole's Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.
16. My friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson and if you don't think that's the best dad joke ever get out of my face.
17. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
18. Dad: "Did you hear about the kidnapping in school?
Son: "No, what happened?"
Dad: "The teacher woke him up."
19. What sound does a witches car make?
Broom - Broom!
20. Son: "Dad, I'm hungry."
Dad: "Hi hungry, I'm dad"
The End
Reader's Digest
Claire Norwake
Caroline Faning
11-23-2020 02:39 AM
@Lindsays Grandma I had just been listening to KNX Newsradio (LA) on the computer, and thinking what a nasty week this is going to be.........and THEN I read The Jokes......and
BURST OUT LAUGHING
Many thanks for brightening up my morning! di
11-23-2020 03:09 AM - edited 11-23-2020 03:12 AM
@Desertdi ...Di, if we don't find something to laugh about we will all end up in a loony bin. Last month when I had my appointment with my pain management provider she was in rare form and we laughed through the entire 45 minutes, boy did that feel good.
As much as I know how important it is to keep up with what is happening in our world, I refuse to watch or listen to any doomsday discussions, unless of course it is of immediate urgency. My cell phone is constantly announcing activity, especially about Mesa, Phoenix and Scottsdale. What is it with these three, more so with Phoenix and Scottsdale, people shooting people, and horrific car accidents.
I have one more chore to deal with and then it's off to my bedroom to watch my series on Netflix until I can't keep my eyes open. Take care...
11-23-2020 06:40 AM
My DH father would love these jokes. He is the king of corny! 🤣🤣🤣 Thnaks for the laughs this morning @Lindsays Grandma 🙏❤️☕️
11-23-2020 11:02 PM
@Lindsays Grandma 😂😂 This is a truly CORNY collection, but I am truly enjoying it.😂
~~~All we need is LOVE💖
Get sneak previews of special offers & upcoming events delivered to your inbox.
*You're signing up to receive QVC promotional email.
Find recent orders, do a return or exchange, create a Wish List & more.
Privacy StatementGeneral Terms of Use
QVC is not responsible for the availability, content, security, policies, or practices of the above referenced third-party linked sites nor liable for statements, claims, opinions, or representations contained therein. QVC's Privacy Statement does not apply to these third-party web sites.
© 1995-2024 QVC, Inc. All rights reserved. | QVC, Q and the Q logo are registered service marks of ER Marks, Inc. 888-345-5788