Reply
Highlighted
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,909
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

This brings to mind a story from many years ago when my mother was hospitalized during her last days with terminal breast cancer that had spread.  She had a trach in and couldn't speak but had a steno pad to write on.  When her parish priest came in she feigned sleep but when the hospital chaplain (a very young priest) came she gave orders to the nurses to make sure she was awake.  When I came to visit her she wrote on her pad that I should come in earlier each day when the young priest comes.  She wrote you will like him he's very good looking!  The nurses though it was so cute how enamored she was with this priest.

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,779
Registered: ‎09-06-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush


@maestra wrote:

@SuhseK  I get it.

 

Ihave a crush on my oncologist; he is my age, so I call him by his 1st name. Great guy.


@maestra.....love it.  My oncologist is Chinese.....  Now, my primary doc is a different story....so darn cute and would love to pinch his cheeks....yep, I would.  Heck, all my doctors are a lot younger than I am.  And all are married.  

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,164
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

Don't be fooled and don't disregard it.  These seemingly "cute crushes" in nursing homes can quickly turn into something far more serious.  

 

On one level, people with dementia are easy prey for people looking for something more than a crush.  And it can happen before you understand what is going on.

 

It can become something serious either real or in someone's mind.  Another patient with dementia can easily get the wrong idea and it isn't "cute."

 

This happened to my mother, so I know what I'm talking about.  One man got booted out of that nursing home because of a "crush" that morphed into other things.

 

Don't dismiss this.  Don't see it as "cute."  Don't encourage it.  Also, there are people who might want to marry an elder person for their money.  Don't think that doesn't happen as well.

 

I am being very serious here.  Don't take these things lightly. I do not believe my mother was ever harmed, but then I am not absoluetly sure of that.  

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,215
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

No doubt it will be over when she's done in therapy.

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,779
Registered: ‎09-06-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

@Sooner......thanks for your post.  That does happen more than we know.  It also happened to one of my aunts....and her kids didn't believe her....thought she was just making it up.  Maybe it didn't happen, but in her mind it did. 

 

It was so sad to see her go down hill.  Was a very talented woman.  Could play the piano beautifully....all by heart.  Never had a piano lesson in her life.  Did beautiful art work.  Made many of her own clothes.  My uncle was Potentate in the Shriner's, and she made many of her own gowns for all the balls they went to.  Excellent cook, and home maker, and excellent mother (both of their children were adopted).  

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

It could have happened to my mother, but, her nursing home kept a close eye on their residents. Mama had alzheimer,s and actually thought one of the men, was her husband.

 

The owners were Christian, and made sure mother ,was never bothered ,or abused. Not everyone is so lucky @ShowMe and @Sooner

Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,115
Registered: ‎05-30-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

Yes Sooner, words of wisdom. But isn't it nice to have a crush on someone? Life is short, enjoy the crush.

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,164
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush


@cherry wrote:

It could have happened to my mother, but, her nursing home kept a close eye on their residents. Mama had alzheimer,s and actually thought one of the men, was her husband.

 

The owners were Christian, and made sure mother ,was never bothered ,or abused. Not everyone is so lucky @ShowMe and @Sooner


@cherry  No, the nursing home was ahead of all of us on the game that was going on.  They are well staffed and that's why I feel certain nothing serious happened, but two women were in competition for the "boyfriend" and the whole situation was getting out of hand.

 

That's when the old guy who was encouraging it was moved.  The people at this nursing home, a family owns it as well,  just don't put up with that sort of thing.  And for us, it was really bizarre because my mom was one of those prim and proper ladies who was VERY suspicious of any man even talking to her.  So it was totally out of character.

 

And when she started talking about "all these boyfriends" we were not thinking she was serious.  Turns out someone she was talking about was one of the PT guys too, and we know nothing happened there.  But when these guys are nice to them, sometimes they get really flattered with the attention.  

 

I'm just alerting people to not think of this as "cute" because all too often it isn't.  Nursing homes see it all the time.  The people with dementia sometimes are a whole different person than you are used to dealing with, and sometimes their inhibitions lower. 

 

But I'm just saying when your loved ones are going on about it, take it seriously and I'd be very hesitant to encourage it.  And don't think "Well my mother would never even want a boyfriend."

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,798
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

You must be young.  She's only 68 which isn't old by any stretch of the imagination, she's young enough for real relationship if that's what she wants so she's certainly young enough for an infatuation.  What she is experiencing is called "transference" in the medical world and it is extremely common.  Even for patients who are in relationships or happily married.  When a patient has physician, nurse or therapist that they work closely with and trust and depend on; the patient sometimes develops romantic feelings for that person.  Most of the time it is just a "crush" and it's harmless and ends when they stop seeing that particular therapist.  Perhaps after your aunt's chronic pain issues have been taken care of, she'll want to date again.  

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,905
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: It's never too late for a crush

[ Edited ]

As the poster before me said, that is common in the medical world - basically a kindly caregiver will make a person feel good. I suppose clergy and educators are next on that list.