Community Chat

[Autumn in NY]

On 3/18/2015 TaxyLady said:

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

On 3/18/2015 TaxyLady said:

Like anything that is used by the aging, some people just don't want to feel they need this kind of help. It is embarrassing to them. I think this is very understandable especially if the person was very independent during their life.

I think meals on wheels is great for people who don't or can't drive. I heard the food was good too. They make sure people get a hot meal each day and they leave a sandwich for the nighttime. Wonderful program for shut ins. I tried to get it temporarily for someone who was sick, but they still had a car so they did not qualify.

The best of luck trying to convince your stepmother to take advantage of this good program.

It's certainly not about driving here. We had a neighbor who used Meals On Wheels so she could have a healthy, cooked meal several times a week. She could drive if necessary, and had a car. She just didn't have the energy to shop and cook.

All I know is what I experienced when I tried to get it for someone. They did not qualify because they could drive and get food.

You are correct. The requirements vary from state to state. What worked for her neighbor doesn't apply for everyone.

[nun ya]

On 3/18/2015 kdgn said:

In this area whether or not someone owns a car and drives has nothing to do with qualifying for the Meals on Wheels program. It's intended for those who can no longer cook on their own and your stepmother may well qualify. Refusing to cook and being able to cook are two different things. She actually may not remember how-

Can she use a microwave? I know frozen meals aren't the best in the world but they will do in a pinch. They have varieties for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

There is no stigma to being on the program. My mom was on it for the last several months that she lived independently. I see the trucks all over the area delivering the meals. Senior apartments, homes-anywhere they are needed.

I paid by check a week at a time. There is a recommended "donation" amount and I always made it for more. The program needs all the help it can get!

There may be a waiting list. There's one here that's well over 100 names. So even if you apply they may not be able to begin deliveries right away.

The food my mom received was usually the same hot meal served at the Senior Center. Milk was included but not coffee or soups.

My elderly neighbors received Meals On Wheels and loved having someone come to the house everyday. The meals here are prepared and packed at the local hospital. Volunteers deliver the food.

[foundinlv]

On 3/18/2015 adelle38 said:

On 3/18/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

Are you her only relative? No biological children or siblings?

The issue seems to be that she can no longer care for herself. It might be time to look into a home for seniors who are in need of assistance.

I'd worry about her being alone and falling or getting into some other dangerous situation and not being able to help herself.

It's just me. I have a brother who lives in WA but it's not the same with them. She likes her house but admits she is too isolated. She doesn't want to join a senior group and is not even friendly with her neighbors so I'm not sure what she wants. She uses her walker inside her house to avoid falling. Friday, my husband is taking me to a doctor appt and afterwards we'll go over there; bring her food and supplies.

What would she do if you weren't there to help her? Is she able to get out at all?

That's a good question. She could take a taxy somewhere but she's wobbly and needs me to hold her hand while walking. When she reaches a curb, she acts like it's very difficult to lift her foot 3 inches but again everything is fabulous when she sees her doctor who gives her a stress test every year.

[foundinlv]

I saw one of her neighbors get a delivery by Meals on Wheels and it looked very dignified with a clean truck with refrigerated compartments. The driver pulled a bag out of one of them and walked to their door. When I told her that she bristled. She also said ""there's a shortage and not everyone gets it when you apply."" Whatever that means.

[NoelSeven]

On 3/18/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

On 3/18/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

IMO it's a little harsh to give an elderly sick person an ultimatum: do this, or else.

It usually doesn't work. Elderly people will sometimes starve themselves, often because the state they are in doesn't allow them what's needed to find out who will help them, much less call and get that help.

Exactly. She doesn't do well with ultimatums. I have always been very careful with the language I use yet she still responded with, "just take me to hospice."

Take her to social services. Better still, call them to make a home evaluation. It's what we pay taxes for.

I'll have to speak to her about it first and she won't like it. In another month I'll be taking her to her yearly physical. She likes her doctor and always chats away like everything is fabulous.

There comes a time when we may have to switch places with a parent figure. We can't wait until they starve themselves or simply become incapable of taking care of themselves.

It may be time to step up to the plate and make sure she doesn't hurt herself.

[foundinlv]

Thanks for your comments everyone. I think I'm going to have myself a good cry now.

Will be back tomorrow.

[FUTURE]

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

On 3/18/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

On 3/18/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

IMO it's a little harsh to give an elderly sick person an ultimatum: do this, or else.

It usually doesn't work. Elderly people will sometimes starve themselves, often because the state they are in doesn't allow them what's needed to find out who will help them, much less call and get that help.

Exactly. She doesn't do well with ultimatums. I have always been very careful with the language I use yet she still responded with, "just take me to hospice."

Take her to social services. Better still, call them to make a home evaluation. It's what we pay taxes for.

I'll have to speak to her about it first and she won't like it. In another month I'll be taking her to her yearly physical. She likes her doctor and always chats away like everything is fabulous.

There comes a time when we may have to switch places with a parent figure. We can't wait until they starve themselves or simply become incapable of taking care of themselves.

It may be time to step up to the plate and make sure she doesn't hurt herself.

ITS, Noel. I've had to have this conversation with many a pts family members. At some point, the main concern can't be what the elder wants. It what is safest for them, in the best scenario possible, for all parties involved. Ilikeshade, I'm not saying you aren't doing that, so please don't take it that way. I'm just throwing in my two cents with this part of the convo.

[FUTURE]

On 3/18/2015 Ilikeshade said:

Thanks for your comments everyone. I think I'm going to have myself a good cry now.

Will be back tomorrow.

I'm really sorry, I know it is hard. I'll say a prayer for you right now that your next conversation goes smoothly, and that progress is made. And that maybe the next Drs appointment will bring these issues to light.

[missy1]

On 3/18/2015 Ilikeshade said:

I saw one of her neighbors get a delivery by Meals on Wheels and it looked very dignified with a clean truck with refrigerated compartments. The driver pulled a bag out of one of them and walked to their door. When I told her that she bristled. She also said ""there's a shortage and not everyone gets it when you apply."" Whatever that means.

Here there is a waiting list.

[barrel racer]

I thought you just have to be 65 and on some kind of aide. The lady across from me and her son got Meals on Wheels for years. They could drive to the store and get beer and go shopping though. Maybe she just doesn't like the food.

My mother turned 90 yesterday and still cooks, does laundry etc. My dad is 94 and a picky eater.