Community Chat

[foundinlv]

On 3/19/2015 Shaunac said:

Haven't read all the responses at this point. I wonder if it's really not about the food and she just wants your attention? Or, if she thinks you owe her something and likes having you do chores for her? My grandmother liked giving her daughters things to do. She liked the attention and felt it was their duty to take care of her. Even if there were programs available to lighten the load on the kids.

She tells me she loves me and wants to see me all the time and that any alternative method of feeding her, will keep me away. She has cried inconsolably and I've always said okay. But it has taken its toll on me.

[VioletEyes]

On 3/19/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 3/19/2015 Shaunac said:

Haven't read all the responses at this point. I wonder if it's really not about the food and she just wants your attention? Or, if she thinks you owe her something and likes having you do chores for her? My grandmother liked giving her daughters things to do. She liked the attention and felt it was their duty to take care of her. Even if there were programs available to lighten the load on the kids.

She tells me she loves me and wants to see me all the time and that any alternative method of feeding her, will keep me away. She has cried inconsolably and I've always said okay. But it has taken its toll on me.

(((((((Ilikeshade)))))))))) I hear you and I remember how loving you have always been to your step-mom.

Just remember that in order for you to help her, you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. You need to get well.

My dad was exactly like your step-mom in his later years. I was responsible for everything after my mom died and he refused Meals on Wheels. Eventually, we lived with him because I promised my mom that I would take care of him if he became ill.... I guess we do what we have to do but speaking from experience, please, please take care of yourself...

[foundinlv]

On 3/19/2015 straykatz said:

If your illness is temporary then what's the harm in her ordering takeout?

There is no harm. It makes her happy for now but she wants the food she's used to and that's the salads I always build for her at Whole Foods. She loves that store and feels it is keeping her alive. The problem has always been Whole Foods is not around the corner from me and driving there and then doubling back to deliver to her is tiring and I'm not up to it right now. That's what she asks me about all the time....when am I going to go back to Whole Foods.

[foundinlv]

Thanks SoftRaindrops.

[Stella Dallas]

On 3/18/2015 NoelSeven said:

IMO it's a little harsh to give an elderly sick person an ultimatum: do this, or else.

It usually doesn't work. Elderly people will sometimes starve themselves, often because the state they are in doesn't allow them what's needed to find out who will help them, much less call and get that help.

We don't know the whole story, do we? I think Good Stuff gave some very good advice (post #11).

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

((( Found))))

[foundinlv]

On 3/19/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

((( Found))))

Thanks emtheart.

[Madisson]

Meals on Wheels is your tax money at work. Your taxes pay for it. If you need it, why not use it? Meals on Wheels is provided by the hospitals if you are disabled. You pay a small fee for it. Senior Centers have a lunch program also that can be delivered to your home if you cannot go to the Senior Center. Again, you pay a reasonable daily fee.

Most of us will need at least a little assistance as we get older. Why be so proud that you refuse the help that you have worked all your life to be entitled to?

[foundinlv]

I'm afraid to drive now. It's been over 2 weeks. I get so sleepy that my eyelids get very heavy and no amount of a/c or loud music snaps me out of it.

I am getting over pneumonia...was sent by ambulance by my husband late one night a week ago and put on an iv drip of levofloxacin and then discharged later that day. Dh got my Rx and I've been taking the pills each evening. I didn't get my pain med (lortab) filled though. I've always been afraid to take strong meds like that because since age 40 periodically get vertigo (although not this year). I spoke to a nurse last night and she told me to go get the lortabs....it will help me sleep.

[Bestdressed]

On 3/19/2015 Ilikeshade said:

On 3/19/2015 straykatz said:

If your illness is temporary then what's the harm in her ordering takeout?

There is no harm. It makes her happy for now but she wants the food she's used to and that's the salads I always build for her at Whole Foods. She loves that store and feels it is keeping her alive. The problem has always been Whole Foods is not around the corner from me and driving there and then doubling back to deliver to her is tiring and I'm not up to it right now. That's what she asks me about all the time....when am I going to go back to Whole Foods.

Now that the normal routine is disrupted. You can start a new routine when you feel better. Tell her you can only go a one or two times a week. Give her a set schedule, then you plan your own activities. She will need to eat the pre-made meals available at Whole Foods you buy on some of your off days.

She wants your attention. I don't know her age... but you might want to hire a part time home care service a few days a week for a couple of hours. Then they can go to Whole Foods and help with home chores too.

OR...Meals on Wheels would double up on meals if they were going to miss a day. Also...they give a box of prepackaged emergency food...that was to be used circumstances such as snowstorms and bad weather. They are there to deliver food. Welfare checks are a bonus from MoW, but not a given. Welfare checks should normally be done by family, friends & neighbors.