Instiling Confidence in Children

JBKO · ‎12-16-2011

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a while but hope everyone is having a good summer. From time to time I make a few realizations that make me wonder, hey why didn't I think of that before. The latest one is also supported by sisters (I am the oldest of 5).

Our father has a brother that also has 5 kids. Four of the 5 (one is on the humbler side) are very confident and to put it bluntly, really have no business being so. They are between the ages of 13 and 34 and none have graduated college, they didn't do well in school, are not cultured or well-traveled, are not informed when it comes to world affairs, etc. They think highly of themselves and don't dwell on their failures. They're not rude or anything like that and I love my cousins but their confidence is almost perplexing.

Until I really gave some thought to the main difference in our upbringing--our mothers duh! My mother was a great student, better read, not well-traveled but certainly more cultured than theirs. She however has such low self-esteem and married my father when she was so young. She was and still is extremely verbally abusive. She put me through hell with what she told me. And it's really hard to unlearn these things.

So please, if you have your own kids or if you work with them, try very hard to instill confidence in them. It will affect them for the rest of their lives--that I know for a fact.

Thanks for you reading.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

JBKO · ‎12-16-2011

Instilling* (sorry trying to get a post in during the middle of work)

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

It's true - if people don't love themselves, they don't do a great job loving others; even their own children. Broken people often break people. I believe knowing you're loved can cover a multitude of sins - nature or nurture. Having a village of loving people being in your corner means you hit the jackpot for getting a good start in life. The rest is up to the individual.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

"You can't give what you haven't received." I think I read this statement in an interview of Maria Shriver and I believe it. My grandmother was not very encouraging or supportive of my mother and my mother was the same with me. There are some parents who think whatever their children do is "wonderful" which I think is the other extreme but I do believe that it is important to give children support and confidence in themselves.

However, at some point the child becomes an adult and then it's up to him/her to change or get help.

RainCityWoman · ‎06-16-2015

Of course unconditional love is a key. I also think children should be encouraged to try new things and to understand that part of life is what we learn from our successes and our failures. Success deserves praise. Failure requires encouragement to keep trying to improve.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

I've come to believe that we are all broken people to some degree. And those broken parts become weaved into our "fabric."

It's always an uphill but worthy battle to overcome who we are in everthing we do, but especially when it comes to those who depend opon us (children, spouses, dear friends, and others).

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

JBKO · ‎12-16-2011

Thank you everyone for your replies. All so true.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@JBKO wrote:
Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a while but hope everyone is having a good summer. From time to time I make a few realizations that make me wonder, hey why didn't I think of that before. The latest one is also supported by sisters (I am the oldest of 5).

Our father has a brother that also has 5 kids. Four of the 5 (one is on the humbler side) are very confident and to put it bluntly, really have no business being so. They are between the ages of 13 and 34 and none have graduated college, they didn't do well in school, are not cultured or well-traveled, are not informed when it comes to world affairs, etc. They think highly of themselves and don't dwell on their failures. They're not rude or anything like that and I love my cousins but their confidence is almost perplexing.

Until I really gave some thought to the main difference in our upbringing--our mothers duh! My mother was a great student, better read, not well-traveled but certainly more cultured than theirs. She however has such low self-esteem and married my father when she was so young. She was and still is extremely verbally abusive. She put me through hell with what she told me. And it's really hard to unlearn these things.

So please, if you have your own kids or if you work with them, try very hard to instill confidence in them. It will affect them for the rest of their lives--that I know for a fact.

Thanks for you reading.

@JBKO I don't know what sort of hell your mother put you through but I can tell you that mine was (and still is) extremely critical of almost everything that I do & say. It slowly chips away at your soul one small bit at a time and as a result formed who I am. At 65 I'm still wondering what's wrong with me and trying to build my self esteem. I envy people who have a good sense of self.

Drlinda · ‎03-21-2010

Perhaps confidence isn’t the only problem with today’s children. Look at the violence in today’s schools. No one is addressing that issue and it is more than just self confidence.

Another new name Sue · ‎03-11-2010

I'm sorry she is still verbally abusive. I wish you could fix this.

Instilling confidence....I'm a big believer in allowing kids to do things. Help set the table, pull weeds, run the dustbuster, sweep the patio, make their own beds. They might take 3X as long or make a mess, but it's worth it. Even an elem. school kid can scour the toilet, take the trash out. Oh yeah, it's work, but young kids love to do these things and if they don't, call it chores for the weekend. My grands vacuumed and cleaned windows last visit, and they loved it. Ok work was far from perfect, but so what. A 9-year-old is halfway to being an "adult," so he should bear quite a bit of responsibility towards his/her self care. (PS I really don't consider most 18-year-olds "adult," but legally they are.)

Another thing I think gives confidence is rites of passage. Moving from grade to grade, being allowed to ride their bike around the block, and the progress seen in youth organizations such as scouting, sports, other school participation like band.