Community Chat

[Iwantcoffee]

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@Pook wrote:

@CritterKeeper   You are definitely not being selfish.  If you were doing something that would directly affective him negatively then I would say maybe think about it but this has no real negative effective on him and he is the selfish one.  Would he not do something you did not want him to do?  I am sure there are far worse things he has done over the years that you overlooked.  I would be resentful if I was not "allowed" to do something or given the silent treatment if I did.  That shows immaturity on his part! 

I would talk to him about what it would mean to you and if he really cares at all for you he should want you to be happy.  

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Yes this response is immature on his part and she is immature to demad getting the tattoo she wants knowing he does not like it. Maturity does not demand it's own way.

[ROMARY]

Just a couple/few days ago, we ran across a woman who has very nice tatoos........she said she has the type that last a month or so.

I would suggest finding those temporary tatoos, and keep your DH fairly content.

It could be that there are tatoo artists out there that offer temporary tatoo designs.

[Scooty]

If I were still married and my husband wanted to get a tat (which I don't like) and I expressed my feelings about them, and he went ahead and got one anyway, I would feel that he doesn't care what my feelings are.  That would really bother me.  You may think this is a small thing but small things can gnaw at ya and grow and grow.  Seems to me it's just not worth it.  

[Drythe]

@CritterKeeper 

No snarks, I have a tat, DH has two.

That said, we did not make any agreements about them prior to marriage, and each mentioned it prior to getting them.

But, I would think about...

     Are there any other things, issues, etc. you've discussed not doing, or having strong negative feelings about?

     How would you feel if he changed his mind about one of them - 3 times?

     Perhaps you can relate.

No, you don’t need permission, but thinking about comprise, as he has done might be something to think on.

[Annabellethecat66]

You know just yesterday I was telling a young guy from Verizon who came to see if any of the wires that fell from my driveway were theirs, (phew) my theory on a similar subject.

I've Always told my daughters that if something is bothering you and you feel like  it's affecting your feelings toward the other person...you must tell them.

If the other person makes an attempt to correct "it" then you will know they care about the relationship (whatever it is).

However, should the person makes no effort to fix, change or do anything about "it"; then you know they don't care about your feelings.

But...if you feel the relationship is worth saving; you should try to find middle ground.

After all that and nothing has changed...move on.

I think we all expect others to automatically KNOW (perhaps through osmosis) what we do or don't want.  This causes a lingering anger.

The person has told you time and again how they feel about tattoos.  Yet you wanted some so you had some put on you.

He or she was willing to overlook you ignoring him and getting them.

I am guessing this next one would seal the deal and figuratively say to the part or "Go suck an egg...I want it and I don't care about your feelings."

Perhaps you aren't concerned about the relationship as you once were.  I would think this would cause the partner to also re-examine this relationship.

To sum it up I'd say 'proceed at your own risk'

Not that it matters but my late husband hated them too.  When my girls went off to college he told them if they got a tattoo he was no longer going to pay for college.

This is kinda funny because the man sometimes lived in LaLa land.  

(Another story for another time not here).

No tattoos on anyone.

[proudlyfromNJ]

@CritterKeeper  I've only read your post, none of the other ones here. My thoughts are your husband is the selfish one not you. 

[Kitlynn]

I would say if you and your husband had an agreement not to get any tattoos then you should reopen that discussion of why now you want some. Yes it is your body and your right to do what you want but when you are in a relationship you also need to consider the other person and their views. He might be open to it if you explain why you want them.

[Skyegirl21]

It just gets me...  Being married, and spouse thinks they get to dictate your life-  Too bad. He doesn't own you. 

I am also pretty much happily married but sometimes not...  Marriage can be too much sacrifice of your own wishes! 

So what, even if you did make a promise 25 friggin years ago. You are allowed to grow and change your mind- 

You gotta do what makes you happy girl!  You have ONE LIFE. Go live it. 

[JamandBread]

He needs to understand boundaries. And YOUR body is one of those boundaries. It belongs to you. What you are asking for is not outrageous. He needs to get over what he thinks is ownership of your appearance.

[new nickname 4]

@CritterKeeper I've read your post, in which you said your husband HATES tattoos, and then you said you recently started fostering dogs which you love.  You also acknowledged "I know this is going to cause a complete uproar and possible argument." 

Maybe you should give some time before getting a permanent tattoo, since this is a recent love for fostering, who knows, maybe it will become something you will not pursue in the future and then you have the tattoo?

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I hope you discuss this with your husband and ask him to tell you what he will do if you get the tattoo.  Maybe he's changed his mind, maybe he won't mind a small tattoo if he also loves fostering dogs?

After being widowed and alone for 11 years, I would give up anything to be able to have him in my life and happy.  The night he died, I was angry and didn't kiss him goodnight.  Guilt is powerful, so don't do something you would regret.