If you were in my shoes...would you want to know? - Page 2

dreamytoo · ‎03-12-2010

My son and I have talked about this in the past...he has absolutely no memory at all of being there. My only tip offs to anything odd was when he cried a couple of years later when he saw him...and then the memory of being locked in the car. He doesn't remember crying on the field trip.

You have to remember, I was a first time mom...never hired a day care before. I checked references she gave me, made sure she was licensed. This was about 25 years ago before we had the internet to check things. How would I know about a photo release? I certainly never experienced diaper rash before and thought I did the right thing by taking him to the doctor as soon as I saw it. To this day I don't know if it was a rash or he was hit or injured himself in some way.

Like I said...it is just a nagging feeling. I really don't know if anything bad happened to him or if they ever took any pictures. All I know is that this guy turned out to be an evil man and I feel horrible that I ever left my son in his home.

4Kicks · ‎03-17-2010

You asked for opinions, so here goes. Your son is an adult and can makes decisions for himself at this point. So can you. The man you are wondering about is in prison, apparently for the rest of his life, thankfully. There is nothing further you can do to him. You can either choose to move on from this and spend your time thinking about productive things in the here and now or into the future or dwell on this. It is up to you.

If you cannot seem to move beyond this concern on your own, I would suggest you talk with a respected counselor, but not your son at this point. He appears to have moved beyond it by himself.

I wish you good things and happy thoughts. I think life is too short to dwell on bad things that may or may not have happened in the past. MOST especially those that we can do nothing about. They are what they are. Count your blessings!

In Sunny AZ

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

I agree that you should consult a professional, someone who works with victims of child abuse, before you speak with your son (or IF you speak with him).

I think you need to deal with this and not just "let it go" which I think is probably not even possible, let alone advisable.

Many who walk around seemingly well adjusted and happy are carrying scars that need healing.

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

I think you have to ask yourself what are you hoping to gain by bringing this up with your son? What would be in it for HIM?

NoelSeven · ‎03-09-2010

On 9/15/2014 KittyLouWhoToo said:
I agree that you should consult a professional, someone who works with victims of child abuse, before you speak with your son (or IF you speak with him).

I think you need to deal with this and not just "let it go" which I think is probably not even possible, let alone advisable.

Many who walk around seemingly well adjusted and happy are carrying scars that need healing.

Very important points.

A Thrill Of Hope The Weary World Rejoices

dreamytoo · ‎03-12-2010

Thanks all...

It doesn't bother me all the time, it is a nagging feeling that comes about usually when the murder case is brought up which happens around here. It was a big mess for many years because he was in law enforcement...it still gets talked about to this day.

My son is fine so far and I am so grateful...

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

You say your son is happy, well adjusted, physically healthy. Your son hasn't give you any reason to be concerned. So, let it go. You have nothing to worry about. You are making a problem where no problem exists. The picture thing is little troublesome but there's nothing you can do about that after all this time. The man is in prison, the wife has gone on with her life. If you've been thinking about this for 20 YEARS, you should see a therapist. Not for our son, for yourself. You need to find out why you just can't put this behind you.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

On 9/15/2014 dreamytoo said:
Thanks all...

It doesn't bother me all the time, it is a nagging feeling that comes about usually when the murder case is brought up which happens around here. It was a big mess for many years because he was in law enforcement...it still gets talked about to this day.

My son is fine so far and I am so grateful...

Well, the definition of bother would be "it is a nagging feeling " and since you've be "struggling" (your word) with this for two decades; it is bothering you. You should find out why so you can put this away.

adelle38 · ‎03-09-2010

From what you've said about the welt and your son crying, I would say there's no doubt he was subject to abuse in that day care situation. I agree with those who said you should talk to a counselor but don't question your son about it unless he brings it up.

It's always a victory for me when I remember why I entered a room.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

You have talked with your son and he has no memory good bad or indifferent of even being taken care of by this woman. let it go! If you son has no lingering issues neither should you. There is no way for you to find out anything anyway. If you cannot move past this then you need to seek counseling but I would not bring this up with your son again.