Community Chat

[Deb1010again]

On 9/13/2014 Cakers1 said:

http://www.ncadv.org/files/National%20DV%20Stats%20Sept%202014.pdf

2014 report on DV stats.

Keep in mind that DV is not exclusive to male/female relationships. Often same s*x parteners are abusers and these cases are severely undereported.

Very good point about the same s.ex partners. As that lifestyle is more broadly accepted, the abused partner will be more likely to come forward. I would expect there are organizations and groups forming to address domestic violence among same-s.ex couples.

[Irshgrl31201]

Thanks Cakers1, I am going to read your link now. I just found this one and it really surprised me.

http://www.batteredmen.com/NISVS.htm

[Marienkaefer2]

On 9/13/2014 Hildegarde Withers said:

Unless the man was much smaller than the woman, I'd wonder why he stood there covering his head instead of protecting himself by grabbing her arms and holding her back.

That's what I was thinking.

[Cakers1]

On 9/13/2014 Deb1010again said:

On 9/13/2014 Cakers1 said:

http://www.ncadv.org/files/National%20DV%20Stats%20Sept%202014.pdf

2014 report on DV stats.

Keep in mind that DV is not exclusive to male/female relationships. Often same s*x parteners are abusers and these cases are severely undereported.

Very good point about the same s.ex partners. As that lifestyle is more broadly accepted, the abused partner will be more likely to come forward. I would expect there are organizations and groups forming to address domestic violence among same-s.ex couples.

Hi Deb: I worked with a really sweet g&y man years ago whose first partner used to literally beat the cr*p out of him, and of course never reported it. By the time I got to know this young man he was out of the relationship and in a new loving one - but can you imagine? I also did an independent research paper in grad school about male assault (not including jail assaults) and the findings were eye-opening.

Now we have that idiotic show coming up in the fall called "Stalker" - real nice. The producer said people can just turn the channel if they don't like it - well, news flash - the sickos are the ones who won't turn the channel. I'm infuriated over this show and I hope it's pulled off the air.

[Cakers1]

On 9/13/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 9/13/2014 Hildegarde Withers said:

Unless the man was much smaller than the woman, I'd wonder why he stood there covering his head instead of protecting himself by grabbing her arms and holding her back.

That's what I was thinking.

Because even if the man grabbed her arms he could end up being the one accused of assault. The mindset is still that the man is the offender and not the woman.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 9/13/2014 Cakers1 said:

On 9/13/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 9/13/2014 Hildegarde Withers said:

Unless the man was much smaller than the woman, I'd wonder why he stood there covering his head instead of protecting himself by grabbing her arms and holding her back.

That's what I was thinking.

Because even if the man grabbed her arms he could end up being the one accused of assault. The mindset is still that the man is the offender and not the woman.

It sure is in many cases.

[Cakers1]

Sorry my link is not working but go to ncadv.org for the stats. They also have a link to the Justice Department for additional info.

[Marienkaefer2]

On 9/13/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:

On 9/13/2014 Cakers1 said:

On 9/13/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 9/13/2014 Hildegarde Withers said:

Unless the man was much smaller than the woman, I'd wonder why he stood there covering his head instead of protecting himself by grabbing her arms and holding her back.

That's what I was thinking.

Because even if the man grabbed her arms he could end up being the one accused of assault. The mindset is still that the man is the offender and not the woman.

It sure is in many cases.

Ok, then why wouldn't he just walk away? I'm not going to disagree that it doesn't cut both ways. However, by far it is much more dangerous for women to be the victim in these situations, just taking into account the differences in physical size and strength. Unless the woman aggressor is armed with a gun or axe.... in the recent case in the elevator, she could have hit and spit at him all night long, and he could have deflected that. There was no way she was going to knock him out cold and drag him around like a sack of potatoes. Yes assault is assault and murder is murder. But we view these things on a spectrum, don't we? Someone who kills someone accidentally is not given the same punishment as someone who commits premeditated murder. Killing is killing, but we view the context, right? Similarly,someone who weighs 100 lbs hitting someone three times her weight. ..Yes that's assault, but the consequences are not nearly the same. Therefore, it cannot be viewed the same.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 9/13/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 9/13/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:

On 9/13/2014 Cakers1 said:

On 9/13/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 9/13/2014 Hildegarde Withers said:

Unless the man was much smaller than the woman, I'd wonder why he stood there covering his head instead of protecting himself by grabbing her arms and holding her back.

That's what I was thinking.

Because even if the man grabbed her arms he could end up being the one accused of assault. The mindset is still that the man is the offender and not the woman.

It sure is in many cases.

Ok, then why wouldn't he just walk away? I'm not going to disagree that it doesn't cut both ways. However, by far it is much more dangerous for women to be the victim in these situations, just taking into account the differences in physical size and strength. Unless the woman aggressor is armed with a gun or axe.... in the recent case in the elevator, she could have hit and spit at him all night long, and he could have deflected that. There was no way she was going to knock him out cold and drag him around like a sack of potatoes. Yes assault is assault and murder is murder. But we view these things on a spectrum, don't we? Someone who kills someone accidentally is not given the same punishment as someone who commits premeditated murder. Killing is killing, but we view the context, right? Similarly,someone who weighs 100 lbs hitting someone three times her weight. ..Yes that's assault, but the consequences are not nearly the same. Therefore, it cannot be viewed the same.

As to why they don't walk away I don't have the answer for that. In the study I read it showed women were much more likely to use an object of some sort. Read the study done by the CDC that I put up, it is pretty interesting and it really surprised me. I don't disagree with you about the damage that can be done just comparing size alone. But there is no question that that men getting abused is thought of much differently and you can really see that by just reading some of the comments here (and I wasn't referring to yours). I am going to sleep now but I will check on this thread tomorrow to see what anyone has added. Hopefully it is still here because I think it is interesting.

[Cakers1]

Marienkaefer: I understand what you are saying but the question the poster posed was why didn't the man grab her arms to stop her. Often that would look like HE was the one doing the assault, not her, especially if the police arrived at that point. That's all. The woman obviously has severe anger issues.

I don't know why in that instance the man just didn't walk away. It's easy for us to assume that he could just walk away without further harm to him - we don't know.

I don't think the Rice situation is comparable to this one, either; assault is assault but in that instance we saw what happened.