Community Chat

[bells4me]

Not sure, I just had a friend die from ALS. Don't think I'd want to go through that, the suffering was terrible. Now my ex BIL's son has it.

[pistolino]

If I start having dementia symptoms and I'm fortunate enough to realize it, I intend to commit suicide myself if the option of assisted suicide is not available.

[Lorainne]

On 3/9/2014 deepwaterdotter said:

I would hope that I am braver than to end my life at my own hands. Fortunately, my health is not in such a desperate condition.

"Bravery" has nothing to do with it. Excruciating pain/hopelessness DOES. Since you admittedly have never walked a mile in these shoes, you have no frame of reference.

[lovepink]

On 4/9/2014 pistolino said:

If I start having dementia symptoms and I'm fortunate enough to realize it, I intend to commit suicide myself if the option of assisted suicide is not available.

THIS!! My mother has Alzheimer's and is rotting in a home as we speak; I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

[JustJules]

I find that story so very sad, but can understand it. I suppose it depends on the person.... even my father who has always been invincible and positive in the face of adversity, is giving up. He is not in control as far as using a weapon to kill himself, but he is refusing to eat, so he is basically making that decision. I often ask myself what I would do in the same situation, and I think I would want it to end if my life no longer had joy or value. The desperation they must have felt, to end things that way.... that there was no family or friends to help, or if there were, they weren't helping.

I feel very solitary and alone dealing with my dad's illness. I am sure I will lose him soon, and it's a horrible feeling. Not all people have family that is supportive.... I was just on the phone with my cousin's wife last night (her MIL was my dad's sister/my aunt, and she died just a couple weeks ago) and the phone call was about another family member, but she casually asked about my dad, knowing he has been in hospital... there is no genuine care... and I told her how I felt... the call ended with her hanging up on me. That is my family support...not so much! So, perhaps this couple had nobody to turn to, and it was a last resort for them. Our Insurance agent, who has known my dad for years... is more concerned for us than flesh & blood family. He told me that he wants to be my "substitute dad" while my dad is so sick.... he said he would call me every day to check in, and he does.... even just to tell me it's a new day and to stay strong... how amazing is that? Someone cares enough, that isn't family.... perhaps if this old couple had some people that had shown them some care, they would still be alive. It's so easy to ignore people or treat them with rudeness... but you just never know, that one act of kindness or compassion could make all the difference.

[LilacTree]

On 4/9/2014 Jules5280 said:

I find that story so very sad, but can understand it. I suppose it depends on the person.... even my father who has always been invincible and positive in the face of adversity, is giving up. He is not in control as far as using a weapon to kill himself, but he is refusing to eat, so he is basically making that decision. I often ask myself what I would do in the same situation, and I think I would want it to end if my life no longer had joy or value. The desperation they must have felt, to end things that way.... that there was no family or friends to help, or if there were, they weren't helping.

I feel very solitary and alone dealing with my dad's illness. I am sure I will lose him soon, and it's a horrible feeling. Not all people have family that is supportive.... I was just on the phone with my cousin's wife last night (her MIL was my dad's sister/my aunt, and she died just a couple weeks ago) and the phone call was about another family member, but she casually asked about my dad, knowing he has been in hospital... there is no genuine care... and I told her how I felt... the call ended with her hanging up on me. That is my family support...not so much! So, perhaps this couple had nobody to turn to, and it was a last resort for them. Our Insurance agent, who has known my dad for years... is more concerned for us than flesh & blood family. He told me that he wants to be my "substitute dad" while my dad is so sick.... he said he would call me every day to check in, and he does.... even just to tell me it's a new day and to stay strong... how amazing is that? Someone cares enough, that isn't family.... perhaps if this old couple had some people that had shown them some care, they would still be alive. It's so easy to ignore people or treat them with rudeness... but you just never know, that one act of kindness or compassion could make all the difference.

How sad, Jules. I am so sorry to hear you and your dad are going through this. Please accept my sincerest condolences. ~Ford

[JustJules]

Thank you Ford (((hugs)))

[jubilant]

I know how you feel, Jules. I'm not sure how one prepares themselves to lose a parent. My dad always seemed invincible to me, too. While he is much better mentally, now....he is in physical decline and can barely walk anymore. He is almost wheelchair bound. He has gone from 180 lbs. to 162 lbs. in the last 4 months. We take him his favorite foods and he tries to eat but just has little appetite. My DH made me mad yesterday....he keeps telling me dad is dying and I don't want to hear it. In all fairness to him, I just think he is trying to prepare me. Your dad is lucky to have you. I do have family support....from a brother and sister. My mother is not acting herself now and we are concerned for her, too. I feel when one goes, the other will probably go soon after. They have been married for 66 years tomorrow and have been inseparable. I think not having Dad home is taking a heavy toll on mom. Just know that you do have people here who, while their situations are all al little different, can associate with some of what you are going through and are here for you if you need them. Lots of helpful people here that have helped me for sure.

[JustJules]

On 4/9/2014 jubilant said:

I know how you feel, Jules. I'm not sure how one prepares themselves to lose a parent. My dad always seemed invincible to me, too. While he is much better mentally, now....he is in physical decline and can barely walk anymore. He is almost wheelchair bound. He has gone from 180 lbs. to 162 lbs. in the last 4 months. We take him his favorite foods and he tries to eat but just has little appetite. My DH made me mad yesterday....he keeps telling me dad is dying and I don't want to hear it. In all fairness to him, I just think he is trying to prepare me. Your dad is lucky to have you. I do have family support....from a brother and sister. My mother is not acting herself now and we are concerned for her, too. I feel when one goes, the other will probably go soon after. They have been married for 66 years tomorrow and have been inseparable. I think not having Dad home is taking a heavy toll on mom. Just know that you do have people here who, while their situations are all al little different, can associate with some of what you are going through and are here for you if you need them. Lots of helpful people here that have helped me for sure.

Thank you jubilant, for taking the time to share your thoughts. Your experience sounds very similar to mine, and for sure I don't want to hear that my dad is dying... although the circumstances are hard to deny. We lost my mom a few years ago, and that is when I decided to move and live with him.... they had been married almost 62 years, and I knew he would die from being lonely if I left him to rattle around in this house by himself. We were doing really great until his health issues happened last year... prostate cancer, that he conquered, and diagnosis of Parkinson's.... he's a warrior dad.... but I am not sure I will ever get that warrior back. His biggest issue is lack of eating... he is basically starving... we have another appointment with his doctor this afternoon... they have prescribed meds to stimulate his appetite... I hope it helps soon. Doctor has already told me that feeding tube is not an option... my dad needs nutrition to survive and get better... I have tried to encourage him with everything he used to like... nothing works. It makes me feel so helpless and frustrated... I can't reason with him because his brain is so tired he isn't completely aware... My dad has lost 11 pounds in 2 weeks.. he is getting so skinny, not much on him left to lose. I understand your pain.... I will pray for you and your dad. There are lots of great and compassionate people here, and while all our stories are different, so many are the same. It does help to have support, even when it's "online". As for your DH...don't get angry with him.. even though he perhaps tells you things you don't want to hear, he is only trying to prepare you. He is with you on this journey. Many (((hugs))) to you....

[Rainbows and Roses]

I am so sorry OP for your pain and I have known many people with back pain and suffer so badly.........you would think they could do something for you but it is just tough getting the right medicine or the medicine working and I have seen no one do good or better after back surgery.........I hope you have relief and sleep.........bless your heart and to all those suffering.........I would never kill myself.........I believe since I am mentally sane it would be an unforgiveable sin.......they shalt not kill.........and I believe I would be in more pain in h88l but I tell you I got close to doing it last year...........thinking about it and wanting to but I knew I had to hang on.......and it is a selfish act that destroys the family..........