If You Won a Million Dollars, Would You Leave? - Page 4

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus wrote:
@JBKO wrote:
Good afternoon everyone,

I don't know if you're familiar with Dr. Joy Browne, RIP. She was a psychologist on WOR710 here in the NYC area who I listened to from 1999 to 2012. Whenever someone called and they sounded iffy about their relationship, she'd ask "If you won a million dollars, would you leave?" Do you think think this is a good way to gauge whether or not someone is in the relationship for the right reasons?

@JBKO Question sounds very anti-women as if we’re in relationships for financial support. If I wanted/needed to leave, for any reason, I wouldn’t consider money in my equation of pros and cons.

For a younger woman , perhaps with children , you would have to consider how you could support those children before you leave. My first and most important consideration would be how I could have a roof over our heads and food on the table. Not everyone has a profession or a family they can fall back on.

dooBdoo · ‎06-27-2010

I used to listen to "Dr. Joy" regularly when our local station carried her show. Very common-sense, interesting, compassionate, bright and accomplished woman with a great (sometimes wicked) sense of humor.

I think some people are misunderstanding her point. She had to cut to the chase since she only had a brief time -- a matter of minutes -- to counsel those asking for help.

When someone was in a troubled relationship, she sometimes would ask, "if you won the lottery, would you go or would you stay?"

This was a way to trigger the person to stop and examine the reasons they were in the relationship, and to evaluate the practical pros and cons of staying and healing what was broken or moving forward to a new life.

She asked this of any caller -- not gender specific.

It's interesting to see the assumption that she only asked this of women as if she had a bias. In fact, she was someone who worked to help women who were victims of abuse or in need of other help. A champion of women, but also a champion of all human beings, in my experience. And she was a therapist who provided encouragement as opposed to harsh blame or criticism.

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@JBKO @Trinity11

Based on what I'm reading here, a LOT of people would be surprised by the actual statistics ......... same applies for men and women.

When the economy is down, the divorce rate DROPS. People worry about the practical things like could I get a better job, keep my job, could we sell the house for a profit, etc etc. Being short on cash means a lot of people feel "stuck" and unable to leave. They are biding their time.

When the economy is doing well, the divorce rate INCREASES. People think they could support their own household, get (or keep) a good job, sell the house for a profit .... and all those other important financial considerations.

When someone comes into a large sum of money, they tend to re-evaluate everything and think abut what they would like to change. Totally a normal thing to do. You see it all the time with movie stars and corporate executives, among others.

Oftentimes, a person has been wanting to leave for a long time .... and was waiting for the right moment to do so. The money makes it the "right moment".

Happens all the time.

Yes, I agree @Tinkrbl44. However, the question I answered was my personal reaction. I would never stay with a man based on finances. However, I have never been in the position so I guess it is hard for me to relate...

Diva on The Q · ‎03-28-2016

@dooBdoo: I agree 100%. I think Dr. Joy's question (analogy) is being taken way too seriously.

dooBdoo · ‎06-27-2010

@Diva on The Q wrote:

@dooBdoo: I agree 100%. I think Dr. Joy's question (analogy) is being taken way too seriously.

Thanks, @Diva on The Q! I agree with you, too! But in their defense, they haven't listened to her and also they're hearing the question a wee bit out of context (not throwing shade on @JBKO, by the way, just that imo a little more explanation helps present the actual intent of Dr. Joy's question,).

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

If money makes the difference to someone, they have a whole different problem.

Diva on The Q · ‎03-28-2016

@dooBdoo wrote:
@Diva on The Q wrote:

@dooBdoo: I agree 100%. I think Dr. Joy's question (analogy) is being taken way too seriously.

Thanks, @Diva on The Q! I agree with you, too! But in their defense, they haven't listened to her and also they're hearing the question a wee bit out of context (not throwing shade on @JBKO, by the way, just that imo a little more explanation helps present the actual intent of Dr. Joy's question,).

Good point!

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Many women don't leave relationships due to the financial part of it. I think that's where her question comes from. I didn't care for her, so I'd not do anything she suggested.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Yes, indeed but only for women. Especially older women. A great many women stay in unhappy or even horrible marriges either because they need the financial support or because they want the financial support. So, yes. That questions addresses the "why" when it comes to staying in a bad marriage. A woman who has a career and makes as much or more than her husband makes has the freedom to leave.