16. Teacher: "So Macy, what have you decided to draw?"
Student: "I'm drawing God."
Teacher: "But no one knows what God looks like."
Student: "They will in a minute."
17. "I miss the old -time stars. You know, the ones who wore clothes and had talent."
18. TO DO LIST
1) Go to pet store
2) Buy bird seeds
3) Ask how long it takes for the birds to grow
4) Wait for the reaction
19. Sometimes, I forget how to spell a word so I change the sentence to avoid using it. Clever right?
20. I'm not addicted to reading. I can quit as soon as I finish one more chapter.
21. In a Catholic School after cafeteria, a nun placed a note in front of a pile of apples: "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
22. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
23. "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes sir." the new recruit replied. "Well that makes everything just fine", the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you,"
24. Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of "STUDY" and "DYING"?
25. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? FROSTBITE.
26. Q: Who earns a living driving customers away?
A: A taxi driver
27. I hope the children will never find out why I say "ooooops!!!!" so often when I vacuum their rooms.
28. Instead of John I call my bathroom the Jim! That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning!!!
29. Husband to wife in her hospital bed, "Give me a weeks warning before they let you out of here and I'll clean the kitchen.
30. After closing time at a bar, a drunk was proudly showing off to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with the big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup", replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch." the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
"You ******* idiot. It's three o'oclock in the morning."
The End
Morgan Cutolo
The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Blogs & Forums
