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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,491
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak


@starpolisher wrote:

@Marp wrote:

@ROMARY wrote:

Just now thinking that there should be some sort of class focusing on the art of manners.

In elementary school. 

I'm not sure what the title of the class would be, but something similar to the Finishing Schools of the past.

Well, it's something parents should think about; and it most likely would have positive results. 

It's been said that personalities are developed during those young years.  Maybe parents should write to their school administrators.  'See what happens'....

Well, (again) it's worth a try.


Teaching basic manners and decency is not the job of elementary school teachers.  That is the parent's domain.

 

Private finishing schools and etiquette classes are different.  That is the purpose of those institutions.


As a retired teacher, I disagree. I think if a child comes to school without basic manners and decency, a teacher should be allowed to teach and, enforce these basic concepts. Is that the reality?...NO!!! Thinking like this ( "Teaching basic manners and decency is not the job of elementary school teachers.  That is the parent's domain.")does not allow a teacher to do this! It's looked at like you're imposing your values on the student. Therefore, if it's not taught at home then they never learn it. When I went to school, this was certainly the rule. If a child came to school without these, you can bet, it was taught and certainly reinforced during school time by the teacher! Nowadays, you correct or try to teach basic manners in school, somebody's mother is in your face because that's not the way it's done at home. (at least that's how it was at my school and administration would not back you up either!) Leaving the other students, as well as the teachers subjected to rude and mannerless students! Some without decency too! One of the many reasons I had to retire. I felt like I was surrounded by many who just did not have manners or decency and it made me very uncomfortable! (not what I wanted in my immediate world on a daily basis)

Sad...so many crude, rude and classless people!


Your points are well taken but not the same as "some sort of class focusing on the art of manners" set up for elementary school teachers to teach as suggested by the poster I quoted.

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
Are you setting an example or being an example?
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

People are not tactful.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,722
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

I feel your pain. 

 

My father was very ill all my life (he died when I was 18).

 

He had Lupus and was on steroids for 16 years. He got very bloated and heavy. He sustained an injury in a car accident near the end of his life that left one arm limp and it was noticeable.

 

I know people looked at him and thought him to simply be fat and lazy. Some so much as said so.

 

Many that didn't know him personally never knew the young Marine who taught judo and swimming, and was a weight lifter. They never knew how in his short life he succeeded in his field to the point of teaching law enforcement at the college level, authoring two books or being the fine husband and father he was. 

 

People see the outside, make judgements and have no clue what a person is really living with. I simply don't tolerate it from what are supposed to be adults. 

 

If people need to make such judgements, or be shocked by what they see, they need to learn to keep it to themselves. It just hurts other people, and they make themselves look foolish. 

 

As a society we have lost all filters (and most of our manners, common sense and good judgement) and is really isn't becoming.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

We used to be taught citizenship when I was in El school, but I ,will be the first to say, back in the 50's, most kids were taught manners ,in their home. If they didn't show any ,the teacher made sure they knew, they weren't acting appropriately. She was never discreet about it , either

 

Today, I don't know what has happened?  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,139
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

@FuzzyFace Hugs to you. I understand, oh, do I. 

 

In a world where anything goes on social media, filtering does not seem to exist any longer. I see it from all ages, all walks of life. I'm honestly not sure if the person is clueless, is just rude or is actually trying to get some kind of a reaction due to their twisted little mind thinking that way. In any event, I found a way to deal with it.

 

When they open their mouth and the stupid falls out, I respond with:

 

"Excuse me?" and a smile.

 

Believe it or not, 95% of the time, they REPEAT it. I respond, a bit louder with:

 

"Excuse me?" still with a smile.

 

Now, at this point, their brains cells are kicking in and the realize that their mouths let the stupid out. They shuffle, they blush, "sorry, nothing" and move on or change the conversation. Usually, they get out  of there pretty quickly.

 

But, there are those, who really are just STUPID. ANd so, they repeat themselves again. And this time, I respond loud enough for anyone around to hear:

 

"EXCUSE ME? I'm sure I didn't hear what you actually just said. Please, say it so everyone can hear you clearly" with a smile.

 

At THAT point, they get it. And they get out of my face ASAP.

 

*sigh* it's pathetic we have to even deal with someone being so...ignorant. But we do. Stand tall, do you what you must and know that there are many standing with you. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,952
Registered: ‎03-10-2013

Re: I wish people would think before they speak


@cherry wrote:

We used to be taught citizenship when I was in El school, but I ,will be the first to say, back in the 50's, most kids were taught manners ,in their home. If they didn't show any ,the teacher made sure they knew, they weren't acting appropriately. She was never discreet about it , either

 

Today, I don't know what has happened?  


I’m a child of the 50s so I know exactly what you’re saying. It starts at home. It wasn’t let to the teachers, SS teachers, babysitters, etc to raise me. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,779
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak


@cherry wrote:

We used to be taught citizenship when I was in El school, but I ,will be the first to say, back in the 50's, most kids were taught manners ,in their home. If they didn't show any ,the teacher made sure they knew, they weren't acting appropriately. She was never discreet about it , either

 

Today, I don't know what has happened?  


So true! We were also taught patriotism, love and respect of country. Something else that has disappeared!

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,779
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

I was raised and raised my sons to show respect for everyone. Show the same respect for the janitor as the ceo. Unfortunately, many today are not raised. They just grow up!

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran
Valued Contributor
Posts: 556
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

Sometimes we all say stuff that comes out rude or not how we meant it to sound, but what she said is beyond rude!.....I’m sorry you have that condition and I hope it improves very soon.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,425
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak


@FuzzyFace wrote:

I have a a rare form of hepatits--(auto-immune, not A, B, or C) which  itself causes my skin to thin out, andbruise and spectacularly  easily. And they also take a long time to heal. And believe me, I'm being treated as much as possible by my doctor.

 

I was at my grandaughter's birthday party last week and someone I hardly know (she's related to my daughter-in-law) came up to me and without bothering to lower her voice, she said Oh my God! Look at your arms! What's wrong with you?

 

I resisted he urge to pick up something heavy and hit her with it; instead, I pretty much ignored her . If I'd been prepared, I would have answered back (and not bothered  to lower my voice.)

 

What the hell is wrong with people? I can understand her being curious--some of the blocthes practically cover my arm from the shoulder to the wrist--but did  she have to ask it like that? I would have taken someone marked up the way i am, into a corner and quietly asked. I don't blame her for being curious but I was so angry and embarassed -- she really "got under my skin", so to speak. Woman Mad

 

I don't like to go out in public till this clears up and people like that  don't help. I could wear a sweater or something to cover up but I'd roast to death.

 

Please do think before you speak when you're in a situation like that. I know that most of the people here don't need to be told; I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for your toleration <3


@FuzzyFace

 

I support you totally in how you feel and I understand totally.  I have a condition with my skin as well. I bruise if you just look at me and now I am getting this horrible blood bruises.  So ugly and take forever to go away! By the time they do, I am getting more! I woke up the other morning with a batch of ones across my chest!  Now, how did I get those sleeping?  If I just rub against anything, I get more!  I know how you must feel.  It's not like you are not self-conscious enough without somone shouting it to the world to call even more attention to it!

 

I wish people would  use some discretion.  I know people are curious and that is all well and good but please as you say --- think before you speak!  And put yourself in someone else's place!

 

 

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin