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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,297
Registered: ‎02-09-2016

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

No filter on the ole mouth , unfortunately there is a lot of the going around. So sorry she humiliated you, But I know the feelimg i've had that non-sense my whole life it's really worse when it's someone really close to you. Woman Frustrated

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,830
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

@FuzzyFace . I'm so sorry that you had such an unpleasant encounter with a very rude person!  It's got to be painful in more ways than one.

 

  I understand what you're going through with your condition.  My husband has the same thing.  He also has a rare autoimmune illness and he needs to be on steroids.  It's the steroids that thin out his skin.  His arms & legs have dark purple bruises all over them and they bleed easily.   It's been particularly bad the last few weeks.  I'm hoping that we can get past this eventually and I hope you do as well.

 

Ignore the rudeness!  I know it's easier said than done.  Some people have no filter.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,714
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

My Mother

 

always said "never make personal remarks" sounds old-fashioned now , but it's true.  this phrase might be a UK thing not sure,  but it's something I remember her saying.  Unfortunately she also never gave compliment either, 

 

Don't say to someone 

 

you have

a pimple

a bruise

are fat, are thin, bald 

we know all these things and don't need to be told 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,781
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak


@occasionalrain wrote:

They are what children whose parents failed to teach them manners become. She should not have mentioned it, not quietly, not in a corner, not at all. 

 

Some think children's inappropriate comments cute, they aren't.


I'd like to give this 10 stars!!!!! So right!

 

Little Girl Holding a StarLittle Boy Holding a Blue StarHappy Face StarGirl Holding a Star Above Her HeadBoy Holding an Orange StarLittle Boy Holding a StarGirl Holding a Purple StarPatriotic Stars
 

 

 

 

 
 
"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,259
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

I think most of us wish we had a brilliant comeback ready when confronted with rude comments. Unfortunately, they come when least expected, and sometimes when answering is just as awkward. When I lost my hair from chemo and it was just beginning to grow back, I attended a family funeral. During the service, at a particularly quiet moment, a nitwit cousin asked loudly, from across the aisle no less, why I had chosen to buzz cut my hair. I just gave him “the look.” Thankfully that shut him up. 

 

It takes courage to get out and live your life when conditions like many of you described are challenging. There will always be “that person” to deal with. So I guess we take the good with the bad and keep on going. Not to give a pass to rudeness, but some folks truly are concerned but clueless when it comes to tact.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,781
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak


@Marp wrote:

@ROMARY wrote:

Just now thinking that there should be some sort of class focusing on the art of manners.

In elementary school. 

I'm not sure what the title of the class would be, but something similar to the Finishing Schools of the past.

Well, it's something parents should think about; and it most likely would have positive results. 

It's been said that personalities are developed during those young years.  Maybe parents should write to their school administrators.  'See what happens'....

Well, (again) it's worth a try.


Teaching basic manners and decency is not the job of elementary school teachers.  That is the parent's domain.

 

Private finishing schools and etiquette classes are different.  That is the purpose of those institutions.


As a retired teacher, I disagree. I think if a child comes to school without basic manners and decency, a teacher should be allowed to teach and, enforce these basic concepts. Is that the reality?...NO!!! Thinking like this ( "Teaching basic manners and decency is not the job of elementary school teachers.  That is the parent's domain.")does not allow a teacher to do this! It's looked at like you're imposing your values on the student. Therefore, if it's not taught at home then they never learn it. When I went to school, this was certainly the rule. If a child came to school without these, you can bet, it was taught and certainly reinforced during school time by the teacher! Nowadays, you correct or try to teach basic manners in school, somebody's mother is in your face because that's not the way it's done at home. (at least that's how it was at my school and administration would not back you up either!) Leaving the other students, as well as the teachers subjected to rude and mannerless students! Some without decency too! One of the many reasons I had to retire. I felt like I was surrounded by many who just did not have manners or decency and it made me very uncomfortable! (not what I wanted in my immediate world on a daily basis)

Sad...so many crude, rude and classless people!

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

[ Edited ]

Try the Dear Abbey approach..She once advised a reader to say.  I forgive you for asking, if you will forgive me for not answering.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 685
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

That woman probably has ADHD.  I had a coworker like that - it was bad.  No matter how many times she was talked to she just couldn't control her mouth.  

 

Or she's just ignorant.  

 

I'm sorry you had to hear that - one boss I had used this tactic:  just look at her and don't say anything.  Eventually they get uncomfortable and walk away.  (hopefully!)

 

I agree, that the woman made herself look like an idiot.  

 

I am so glad that my mother raised me better!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,727
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

I'll bet people were embarrassed for that person, not about you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,572
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I wish people would think before they speak

I feel deeply for you. I may be older than you and I also may be a whole lot nastier, but since I also have a couple auto immune issues that can suck the life out of me, my response to such a loud comment would most likely be

 

”Yeah, it’s probably time for me to give up my cage fighting hobby and take up knitting”.

 

OR

 

“I should have worn my Sable wrap but it’s too warm today”

 

OR

 

I’m selling photos of these to an artist. He plans to sell them to a museum.”

 

ALL OF THESE comments said with a BROAD SMILE.

 

NO ONE deserves the right to make YOU self conscious about something beyond your control. Unfortunately for those of us of a certain age, we were indeed taught to spare the feelings of others, and expect such treatment in return.

 

If you feel you are too old to shift your mindset away from being “hurt” to “I can’t be bothered with nonsensical rude comments”, I would have to disagree with you.

My ongoing experiences with my grandchild, the most perfect child ever born (grandma talk -LOL) who has a visible disability, have taught me that candor, and a snappy but non offensive comment works most of the time. 

 

Please consider trying a bit by bit of a shift to your way of addressing this. You are obviously an intelligent woman, you pay your dues to society and certainly contribute as well. It is not your job to be suffering embarrassment for what happened. In our case, with my precious grandchild, we educate, since most people are VERY IGNORANT about the condition they see when our family is in public (which is very often).

 

Best of thoughts to you. I can REALLY relate to what you’ve said.