Community Chat

[homedecor1]

@chiclets 

So true ... my parents generation was my dad owned a large company & had "people" who took care of all his financial matters both personal and business.  

We lived a good life until he had a massive stroke at age 52 and was no longer able to work or handle matters until his death 1 year later.

he hadn't shared anything regarding his "financials or business matters" with my mother.  😱😱  After his death, she continued to allow these people to handle her financial matters.

She was entirely lost & worse yet, some of his trusted business friends-advisors we're not trustworthy☹️ (we found out the hard way).  My mother passed 18 months later at 55 from brain cancer.

We were shocked for lack of better words -- their finances were a mess ...and more, so for sure I made sure I'd never be in this situation.

Its never to late to learn @suzyQ3 when we moved to "paradise" to use my spouses terms -- I gave him the reins.  I wasn't interested as we had "retired" and had our finances in order.

 Who would have thought a life changing event (his illness) last year I would need him to sit down with me & explain everything again regarding this home and it's financial responsibilities (including updating our wills, etc.).

[Tessa Mendoza]

@suzyQ3 - I am not ahead of you.  Proably even a little behind.  

Our finances are complicated.  I have tried to get involved over the years, but always became so overwhelmed that I would just give up.

I've been trying again.  Little by little.  It's not easy, but it's ridiculous to not even know the simple, basic things,  It's just been easier to let my husband handle it all, which he is good at and enjoys doing.  I know it hasn't been smart.

Good luck to us both.

[jannabelle1]

A handyman can be hired or called to take care of certain household chores, but financial matters need to be understood and handled by both partners in a marriage. I was lucky that my mother had her own business when I was growing up, and she took care of many financial matters either by herself or with my dad. They both taught me well.

After my divorce, I had no problem handling my own finances. Since then I've always had my own checking account and my DH and I share and handle all financial matters. For any younger readers here, please make sure that you have your own checking account and/or savings account. Set up a bill pay account online with your bank and pay your personal charges as well as some of the bills you share with your DH.

While some of you may resist each spouse having their own checking account, I learned from experience and I will never, ever have all of our money tied to one checking account that is controlled or maintained by my spouse. I also have a savings account (joint) that I control as well as my IRA. 

[tansy]

My husband is much better at all things math than I am but I was the one interested in personal finances so I took over the bills, investments and goals like paying off the mortgage early.

i quiz him periodically to make sure he knows what's what with our money.

[Mom2Dogs]

I am pretty organized, I pay all the bills at the house and our business.  We do all our own bookwork at our business but have our taxes done professionally.  Our financial advisor handles our money...which I understand what he is saying while sitting in the office, but could not pass a test an hour later...I find it confusing.  

In our safe are all the important papers...organized with a folder for each of us and a joint folder for things that we hold jointly....all wills, power of attorney, etc are in there as well.  

What confuses me is insurance...how to buy it, how much we really need, etc.  

I cannot start our lawnmower, nor can I push it and it's self propelled!  I can run the weed eater.

DH is quite a bit older than me, I think that is why I stay organized, for fear that I will outlive him, I don't want to be caught off guard.   I need/want to be prepared when/if that happens.

My fear would be how to handle living in the house, take care of repairs, etc...but of course we are all stronger than we think we are and we will get thru any situation that comes our way.

Good for you @suzyQ3  for wanting to be more involved and understanding how things work.  I certainly don't know everything and am not claiming I do.   We live in a small town and everyone that we interact with on a professional basis, I trust - if I would need advice.

[Carmie]

@suzyQ3   What a smart thing you are doing.  You are looking out so your future will run smoothly.

In our home, my DH pays the monthly bills.  I used to do it, but turned it over to him many years ago.  He uses my method, so I can just pick it up anytime.

II make all the financial decisions for investments and insurance and I do the taxes.  He isn't interested.  He says he will manage without me if he has to by paying someone to do it.

Just the other day, Iasked him about our cars.  Our state requires regular inspections and I have never scheduled an appointment or taken a car in.  He does all the maintenance and repairs and schedules the inspections.

I asked him to write down what the maintenance schedules are and where I should go if he were not around.  He didn't say no, but kinda put me off.  I told him I would have to buy a new car every two years, so there would be no repairs needed.  

It is really difficult to think and talk about the future when you get a certain age.  It's necessary, but I understand why people are hesitant.

[qvcaddition]

When I lost my husband, that was awful enough, but fortunely, I knew how to do things.  You are already devistated with that lost and confused, but at least I knew how to handle things.

I have friends who use to say, "Oh I let my husband do it", but now a couple of them don't know which way to turn.

It goes for both husband and wife to know.

I tell young people, learn and know what each one does, so you are not left out there.

I learned this when I divorced the children's Father many years ago, and what a mess I was in, and that's when I became independent.

[homedecor1]

@jannabelle1 

Well said!!! I got married very young (naive & stupid) and older man the best advice my dad ever gave me was "always keep a separate account for you". 

I did🙂 my spouse was "mad" saying we were married but having my own accounts has allowed me to be "self sufficient".   Of course, I've always contributed to household expenses, if necessary.

I learned a fast hard life lesson when both my parents passed away and their financials were a "nightmare"!  Guess my dad was good at giving advise but not following it😉

[homedecor1]

@Mom2Dogs 

Be careful who you "trust" advice from.  Sometimes those we think are our "friends" esp. when it comes to money sometimes do not have our best interests.  (I am skeptical when it comes to finances) but it's ok for mowing the lawn😉

[River Song]

Not only do you need to know how to pay the bills, you need your own checking account and your own credit cards tied to your credit rating, not your spouse.

A joint checking account is fine as long as you have your own separate account so you can pay bills.  Banks can get squirrelly when one person on a joint account dies.

Make sure you know where to find the list of all the user names and passwords for all online accounts.

Make sure assets and investment accounts are in both your names.  

Be aware that Social Security informs Medicare of the death of your spouse and Medicare will no longer talk to you about your spouse's account even if your spouse listed you as the contact person.  That permission becomes void upon death.

If you are near retirement age, read up on Social Security pertaining to spousal benefits and survivors benefits (two different benefits).  Social Security rules are convoluted and confusing but you need to educate yourself should your spouse suddenly die or become disabled and can no longer work.