I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

I am mortified that I have remained in the dark when it comes to anything financial.-- and I'm talking about even the basics. My husband is both extremely organized and a little bit of a control freak, and not always very patient. So I just let it all slide over the years, with occasional panic attacks about the future.

But we're at the age when the future is -- well, not in our favor. I've been very stressed and depressed about my ignorance at this point. I think that I have even blown this problem out of proportion.

I have tried a couple times years ago to learn what I need. My husband was definitely accommodating, but I would end up overwhelmed. The best I could do was to have him right down all the pertinent info. But getting from that list to some amount of confidence that I would handle it on my own was unrealistic.

So I sat him down a few days ago told him what I have been feeling. I asked him for his help. I had some ideas as to how we could handle this so that I would become competent. He agreed.

Each day we tackle one or two areas of our finances. I take notes. More importantly, I follow through on my own. I have to do it, not just write it down. My goal is to at least be able to have a working knowledge of how to proceed on my own.

I have no doubt that most of you are way ahead of me, considering I'm starting at zero. But maybe this will help any who have felt the way I do -- or did. :-)

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@suzyQ3 - good start and please, please, please keep up with this and get totally proficient and comfortable with it all. It is vitally important that both people in a marriage know all this.

Not just the finances, but stuff around the house that you might not already know and might suddenly need to manage in your own. Like, for example, where the water cut off is to the house.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@gidgetgh wrote:
@suzyQ3 - good start and please, please, please keep up with this and get totally proficient and comfortable with it all. It it vitally important that both people in a marriage know all this.

Not just the finances, but stuff around the house that you might not already know and might suddenly need to manage in your own. Like, for example, where the water cut off is to the house.

Thank you for that reminder, @gidgetgh

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Free2be · ‎03-10-2010

Oh @suzyQ3 , you made my day. I managed my home and all of the financials for many years while raising my kids but there wasn't really much to keep track of back then. After a divorce and marriage to someone who had a whole lot more and the kind of knowledge and control you speak of, it was too easy to turn all of it over except for my own accounts.

He's written those lists for me, too. But they change. I kind of know where it all is or how to find it. I don't really need to do anything except know what is going on and what is coming up. Usually one person of two is the best at management and he is it.

I'm sure we would feel very overwhelmed if we had to take the reins completely. The important thing is to believe in ourselves as the competent people we are. There! I said it and I'm sticking to it!

Porcelain · ‎02-19-2014

I do our taxes but DH and I share the other financial responsibilities. I try to keep things as simple as possible with them. Putting everything in a shared Google calendar helped a lot.

On the other hand. I will freely admit I don't know how to work our lawnmower and I don't want to learn because then sometimes I'd probably have to use it. I should learn...

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

novamc1 · ‎07-02-2015

@suzyQ3

Don't say you're a work in "process".

You are a work in "progress".

Money and financial stuff has always been of interest to me, but I discovered after about 20 years of our 45-year marriage that some some important things needed my attention, and that Mr. Money Man husband wasn't paying attention to certain assets invested in years before we ever got married,.

Years later, I discovered he didn't notice from monthly account statements how his deceased stepmother had been and was still being ripped off by her stockbroker in a margin account before DH became her estate executor.

I took care of those loose ends in a hurry!!

DH is lucky to have me........and we're both lucky that I got my head out of the sand and started going through the file cabinet and paperwork. No longer leaving all money matters to him.

You're doing good.......keep it up and eventually all will seem manageable and under control.

patbz · ‎03-10-2010

Perhaps you should take community college course on managing your finances? DH and I don't have this particular problem; I pay all bills and he does taxes. We both go to periodic meetings with our broker.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@novamc1 wrote:
@suzyQ3

Don't say you're a work in "process".

You are a work in "progress".

Money and financial stuff has always been of interest to me, but I discovered after about 20 years of our 45-year marriage that some some important things needed my attention, and that Mr. Money Man husband wasn't paying attention to certain assets invested in years before we ever got married,.

Years later, I discovered he didn't notice from monthly account statements how his deceased stepmother had been and was still being ripped off by her stockbroker in a margin account before DH became her estate executor.

I took care of those loose ends in a hurry!!

DH is lucky to have me........and we're both lucky that I got my head out of the sand and started going through the file cabinet and paperwork. No longer leaving all money matters to him.

You're doing good.......keep it up and eventually all will seem manageable and under control.

Ha, @novamc1, that was a goof. I will edit it.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@patbz wrote:
Perhaps you should take community college course on managing your finances? DH and I don't have this particular problem; I pay all bills and he does taxes. We both go to periodic meetings with our broker.

@patbz, our broker updates us via phone calls. None of it really matters to either of us. Our guy (from Schwab) suggests changes in our portfolio and we agree to have him go ahead.

A course might be interesting, but my objective is very narrow: I want to be able to handle our situation.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

embgm · ‎07-02-2014

. My dad handled all the finances and as an accountant was very organized and detailed. He started to explain finances to my mom about 2years in advance of his death. She had never even reconciled the checkbook. The year prior to his death he sat down with me and explained where all the accounts were, insurance policies, annuities, monthly expenses for running their household,health insurance policies etc.. What a gift that was! When he passed away it made our lives so much easier. I too am an accountant so finances are not foreign to me, but to have all the necessary info so easily accessible and organized made it that much easier. Thanks dad!