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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,592
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

@suzyQ3   It's good you're thinking about this and taking necessary steps.  

I was the one who took care of the day to day finances and home repairs, since my husband traveled often.  However, I was in the dark in other areas, such as long term care insurance, his two IRA's, and other issues. 

I had to jump in and get involved once he was no longer competent, due to dementia.  Of course, at this point, he couldn't communicate.  There was a lot untangling to do.  I spent $$$ on attorney and accounting fees.  

Find out all you can, now.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,245
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

@suzyQ3 I've been reading your posts for years.

You are not now nor ever have been an "idiot" of any sort.

I have every confidence you are a fast learner and will be okay!!!

Heart

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,590
Registered: ‎01-15-2017

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

It appalls me when women say " oh my husband takes care of all that." It's such a disservice to the other spouse, male or female, to not know what's going on in your own household. That's how my brother always did things. A couple years ago I told him he needed to sit down with my SIL and go over everything with her. God forbid anything would happen to him and she would be clueless. I asked my friend a year or so ago how much her water bill was after we had a price increase, and she didn't even know what it was before the increase. Another case of "my husband takes care of that." I pay the bills and my husband takes care of taxes and our retirement funds. But we both know what is going on. There are some instances where ignorance is not bliss.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,658
Registered: ‎04-27-2010

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

suzyQ3 - Once you learn which valve turns off the water - take a one of those key rings from Lowes - you use them for extra keys - write down what each valves or turn off is on the keyring and attach it to the valve or turn off.  Also, write down what each breaker is for in the breaker box and put it with the box .    You will love that you did that when a repairperson comes in and can turn something off in the breaker box with confidence.  Keep up the good work.  I am also becoming more involved with all the finances.  DH used to do the financial spreadsheets at the end of the month, but after a couple strokes ( he has done great after each one) I got more involved.  Do it now before it is too late.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,631
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

[ Edited ]

@suzyQ3 

 

You are not an idiot, many people are where you are are regarding finances and throw in insurance into that mix too...You are willing to learn and that's whats important.....

 

I have so many friends that are clueless and they call to ask for my advice (I should get a commission as their financial advisor and insurance agent---maybe I should get licenses and start a business--LOL)..... I made it a point to read and learn and educate myself and learn from the experts....

 

Sadly one of my friends became a widow recently and she feels like she's lost in a maze and haze.... she is clueless!! Thankfully I was able to show her some online tools that could help her...But she needs to sit down and establish a budget so she can plug in her numbers and then make some decisions...She would have had an easier transition if she had talked to her husband and went over finances and other things with him like you are doing with your husband.....so good planning on your part...continue to learn and grow ... .Woman Very Happy

Animals are reliable, full of love, true in their affections, grateful. Difficult standards for people to live up to.”
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,254
Registered: ‎06-21-2011

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress


@suzyQ3 wrote:

I am mortified that I have remained in the dark when it comes to anything financial.-- and I'm talking about even the basics. My husband is both extremely organized and a little bit of a control freak, and not always very patient. So I just let it all slide over the years, with occasional panic attacks about the future.

 

But we're at the age when the future is -- well, not in our favor. I've been very stressed and depressed about my ignorance at this point. I think that I have even blown this problem out of proportion.

 

I have tried a couple times years ago to learn what I need. My husband was definitely accommodating, but I would end up overwhelmed. The best I could do was to have him right down all the pertinent info. But getting from that list to some amount of confidence that I would handle it on my own was unrealistic.

 

So I sat him down a few days ago told him what I have been feeling. I asked him for his help. I had some ideas as to how we could handle this so that I would become competent. He agreed.

 

Each day we tackle one or two areas of our finances. I take notes. More importantly, I follow through on my own. I have to do it, not just write it down. My goal is to at least be able to have a working knowledge of how to proceed on my own.

 

I have no doubt that most of you are way ahead of me, considering I'm starting at zero. But maybe this will help any who have felt the way I do -- or did. :-)

 

 


I did payroll, accounts payable, receivable, you name it.  There are so many different programs that you could down load on the computer that just do the math for you.  You just enter the data.  I do our personal finances on one that my DH installed.  It's so easy and I'm NOT a math whiz.  Just know that if there's an error, it MUST be dealt with as soon as it is discovered because it'll just keep carrying over.  Don't let it get you down.  If I can do it anyone can. Smiley Happy

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,735
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

I have a single sheet that lists every account we own, with every financial institution, account type, in whose name, etc. Two or three times a year I update the current worth/amount of each asset to see our full picture. I have the list in a page protector and use a dry erase marker for amounts—easy to update that way.  I am much more in the know than DH so he may appreciate my system one day 🙂.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress


@Ladybug724 wrote:

@suzyQ3 I've been reading your posts for years.

You are not now nor ever have been an "idiot" of any sort.

I have every confidence you are a fast learner and will be okay!!!

Heart


Thank you, @Ladybug724 !


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,140
Registered: ‎07-01-2012

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

@suzyQ3 

 

You are now on the path of learning about finances.

 

You were raised old school. Men took care of the money and the women took care of the home. Even today some marriages are doing things that way and the woman of the house knows nothing.

 

You will learn. You are blessed you have a husband who is willing to show, share and teach you. You have a great advantage with this and the path to handling matters will be so much easier for you.

 

Anytime someone is willing to learn and go forward in life is an example of being smart.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,783
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I was a financial idiot -- now a work in progress

First of all, idiocy (financial or otherwise) is not in your DNA.

 

When DH and I first married we had zip, nada experience in the financial world.  We were lucky we could feed, clothe and pay for the roof over our heads.

 

As time rolled on and our finances improved, he started investing.  We always discussed our plans first.  Now after decades, I realized that he gradually shifted a lot of the responsiblities to me because he wanted me to be self-sufficient.  He's a smart man!

 

The problem now is that when he rushes to the mail box, the first thing he does is hand all the mail to me.  LMAO

I find myself keeping him apprised of what I have paid, done, moved around, etc.  I hope he's paid attention.

 

Just be patient as you learn, ask questions, keep meticulous records and enjoy your newfound talents.

 

~The only difference between this place and the Titanic is that the Titanic had a band.~