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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,714
Registered: ‎08-01-2013

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

On 2/14/2015 Marienkaefer2 said:
On 2/14/2015 LurkyLoo said:
On 2/11/2015 Marienkaefer2 said: I'm not in your part of life, yet, but I've undergone some changes in my life that have left me feeling similar to what you describe. I think we put pressure on ourselves to do or be what we "should." I've always found that my answers come when I stop.trying so hard to.figure things out. Just let go a bit and the answers will.come to you.

You have the right idea for one so young! I have been through so many changes just recently. Lost my only (adult) child to cancer, have been struggling with advancing RA and losing my mobility, retired from work I truly loved and moved into a retirement community. No one is better at overwhelming ones' self with fear and apprehension than I am. There is grief associated with all of it, too. Mourning for what was and what will never be again. Fearing what will be. Things did not begin to get better for me emotionally until I went ahead and did those things I needed to and learn to take it all more in stride. Acceptance. Dealing with the day's worries is often more than enough, and realizing we never really had control of most things anyway. Just release that need to try to control everything outside our power. My faith helped me to let go and let God.

I will pray for you through these changes as you adjust starpolisher. Certainly there is no shame in seeking professional help if you feel you need that. You will get through this emotional exhaustion. Peace be upon you!

Hi lurkyloo, thanks for understanding my post. I'm very sorry for all of the things you've gone through. I guess it's true that when we go through those very difficult times in life, we see what is important and what isn't. I'm a "controller" by nature. I want to grab everything by the horns and "make" it right or "make" it happen. Yet I've seen in my own life, and by what I've learned from others, sometimes you do have to let go. That doesn't mean giving up, but it DOES mean doing what you can, and leaving the rest up to God. Or, if a person is not religious, leaving the rest up to the Universe. Things work out better that way. At the very least, you spare yourself unnecessary anguish. I liked when you said about doing what you need to do and taking things in stride. I'm sorry you lost your only child to cancer. I don't think there is any hurt or grief worse than that. Blessings to you for peace.

Thank you, dear Marienkaefer2. I can tell you are such a thoughtful, compassionate person with a good, solid head on your shoulders and a lot of love in your soul. You say so well, what I'm trying to express for starpolisher and others reading here.

Yes, I tried to control aspects of my life that were beyond human control- out of fear for myself and others I loved. Thinking more pain or loss would surely drive me beyond my limits. It certainly felt that way. Still does sometimes, as this disease advances and I am losing more and more control over my choices in life. Just have to accept that, though I have a very stubborn will. I look for reasons to feel and express gratitude for what is still left to me to enjoy, including the blessings others embrace in their lives. It's a kind of "passing the torch", but yes.. losing my daughter, Angela still feels so unnatural. I believe with all my heart she is in that much better place, but I will always question it, until I hopefully join her there. I was supposed to go first- just feels that way to me. Though I know there is Wisdom beyond my feelings.

One reason why we must suffer may be to build in us through grace a sense of mercy and goodwill for all others. I try to reach out when and where I can to meet people where they are- yes, regardless of their beliefs. Angela lived her life that way- she taught me to try to see through the eyes of the Divine. We are all God's children- greatly loved in my heart and soul. You are a fine example of that! I take comfort in your tender words to me, and I thank you. Truly. Smile

Have a wonderful weekend.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,038
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

My sister could have posted your story. What she did was decided to volunteer @ the local hospital gift shop and also at the local museum. Her hubby still gets 'in her space' but they work through it somehow. Good luck and God Bless !!!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,350
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

On 2/14/2015 LurkyLoo said:
On 2/14/2015 Marienkaefer2 said:
On 2/14/2015 LurkyLoo said:
On 2/11/2015 Marienkaefer2 said: I'm not in your part of life, yet, but I've undergone some changes in my life that have left me feeling similar to what you describe. I think we put pressure on ourselves to do or be what we "should." I've always found that my answers come when I stop.trying so hard to.figure things out. Just let go a bit and the answers will.come to you.

You have the right idea for one so young! I have been through so many changes just recently. Lost my only (adult) child to cancer, have been struggling with advancing RA and losing my mobility, retired from work I truly loved and moved into a retirement community. No one is better at overwhelming ones' self with fear and apprehension than I am. There is grief associated with all of it, too. Mourning for what was and what will never be again. Fearing what will be. Things did not begin to get better for me emotionally until I went ahead and did those things I needed to and learn to take it all more in stride. Acceptance. Dealing with the day's worries is often more than enough, and realizing we never really had control of most things anyway. Just release that need to try to control everything outside our power. My faith helped me to let go and let God.

I will pray for you through these changes as you adjust starpolisher. Certainly there is no shame in seeking professional help if you feel you need that. You will get through this emotional exhaustion. Peace be upon you!

Hi lurkyloo, thanks for understanding my post. I'm very sorry for all of the things you've gone through. I guess it's true that when we go through those very difficult times in life, we see what is important and what isn't. I'm a "controller" by nature. I want to grab everything by the horns and "make" it right or "make" it happen. Yet I've seen in my own life, and by what I've learned from others, sometimes you do have to let go. That doesn't mean giving up, but it DOES mean doing what you can, and leaving the rest up to God. Or, if a person is not religious, leaving the rest up to the Universe. Things work out better that way. At the very least, you spare yourself unnecessary anguish. I liked when you said about doing what you need to do and taking things in stride. I'm sorry you lost your only child to cancer. I don't think there is any hurt or grief worse than that. Blessings to you for peace.

Thank you, dear Marienkaefer2. I can tell you are such a thoughtful, compassionate person with a good, solid head on your shoulders and a lot of love in your soul. You say so well, what I'm trying to express for starpolisher and others reading here.

Yes, I tried to control aspects of my life that were beyond human control- out of fear for myself and others I loved. Thinking more pain or loss would surely drive me beyond my limits. It certainly felt that way. Still does sometimes, as this disease advances and I am losing more and more control over my choices in life. Just have to accept that, though I have a very stubborn will. I look for reasons to feel and express gratitude for what is still left to me to enjoy, including the blessings others embrace in their lives. It's a kind of "passing the torch", but yes.. losing my daughter, Angela still feels so unnatural. I believe with all my heart she is in that much better place, but I will always question it, until I hopefully join her there. I was supposed to go first- just feels that way to me. Though I know there is Wisdom beyond my feelings.

One reason why we must suffer may be to build in us through grace a sense of mercy and goodwill for all others. I try to reach out when and where I can to meet people where they are- yes, regardless of their beliefs. Angela lived her life that way- she taught me to try to see through the eyes of the Divine. We are all God's children- greatly loved in my heart and soul. You are a fine example of that! I take comfort in your tender words to me, and I thank you. Truly. Smile

Have a wonderful weekend.

Lurkyloo, thank you for your kind words! My sister's name is Angela. It's a beautiful name, and it sounds like your daughter was a beautiful person. I have no doubt that we will be reunited with our loved ones. In fact, some of mine have not really left me! Smiley Happy Each of my grandparents passed away within the last few years but I don't feel as if they are gone. I can still feel them in my heart and hear them in my head. Smiley Happy I think our loved ones want us to remember them but also to go on and live our lives. I will send you prayers and good thoughts. You are a good and wise person. I hope the o/p and others read your posts and take your wisdom to heart. Smiley Happy
If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,396
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

Again, a big thank you to all of you! You have helped lift me up! I feel like "Angels" have come to help me! Lurkyloo, my heart goes out to you. You are an inspiration. Marienkaefer2, I think you are right about just letting it happen. I feel much better after reading everyone's posts here. Thank you for the well wishes, prayers, suggestions and for sharing your stories with me. I know how hard that is for some of us. I am trying to "let go and let God". I know things will work themselves out. Golfcartrider, I have ordered the book from Amazon and can't wait to read it. Thanks everyone! Not only have you given me some perspective,you have also warmed my heart! I can't thank you enough!

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran
Super Contributor
Posts: 366
Registered: ‎01-13-2015

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

It sounds like you might be clinically depressed and/or be having a mid-life crisis. I encourage you to get a medical check-up and see a therapist. Feeling the way you do is no way to live.

Many hugs and good luck to you. Please check back from time to time and let us know how you're doing.