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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,388
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

I feel empty inside. I feel like I have no purpose anymore, no dreams or anything to look forward too. It's like I'm just going through the motions but nothing really matters. I feel I've done all the big things that I'm going to do in life so now what? I've gone to college, had two careers, both that I enjoyed in the beginning but neither of which I found very satisfying by the end; but they each suited my needs at the time. Married (41 years now), bought a home and raised two wonderful children. My children live about one and a half hours away from me in opposite directions. I hear from them often but mainly only see them on holidays. I know they have their own lives to live. I will retire from my job in June after twenty-six years. I really dislike my job and can not wait to distance myself from it. I teach in a large urban school district where there is little discipline or respect and since "no child left behind" became a reality I see very little growth and feel very frustrated. DH retired last November. Having him at home has not been what I expected it to be. I thought he would be more helpful. I thought we would become even closer. We seem to be growing apart. I find myself annoyned that he's there in my space when I get home. Half the time he's in one room watching TV and I'm in another. I keep praying for some direction. I just feel sad and empty. My life used to be so busy when my children were home. I didn't have time to think about what to do next. I felt fulfilled and had so much to look forward too! At night I would fall into bed and sleep peacefully, not be awake every couple of hours like I am now. Now, it's like I've done my job and served my purpose so now what? On top of that, I just don't have the energy after work for much of a life and my body now has aches and pains that make me shy away from much extra activity. I know there are different stages we go through, empty nest and such. Is this one of them? Did any of you go through this before retiring? Is it just not knowing what to do or what will happen next or what? Please help me get out of this funk!

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,695
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

Sounds like a case of some depression. You should think about going to see a counselor who deals with life changes. I have/am going thru much of the same things as well as being a cancer survivor of 2 years. Also this time of year is horrible for me as I suffer from SAD living in the grey,gloomy state of WA. Altho I must say that things are better for me now, but having some one to guide me thru everything certainly was time and effort well spent. talk to your dr about this too. Mine recommended a therapist and I went from there.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,235
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

You need to make an appt. with a Mental Health Professional now!!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

When you retire and have more time, maybe it would be helpful for you to volunteer and help others. Sounds like you have been very fortunate in your life and maybe it's time to give back.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,929
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

If your up several times a night and then tired all day you could have sleep apnea.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,468
Registered: ‎03-22-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

starpolisher..... it sounds like you are in mourning..... you are grieving the loss of what you thought life would be like....

Think about where we get the ideas of what life will be like.... where you got the images in your head.... we all have this going on.... when the real things happen we have to decide what to do with reality....

If we have a major loss we have to put walls up around us.... this is a merciful kind of protection which keeps us insulated.... we have to sort out our life.... usually we think we cant open up about our grief, our fears, our reality.... because we think we wont be well accepted.... and this takes energy.... that is why we are so tired.... we want to sleep a lot.... yet many times we cant.....

It sounds like your losses are the losses of what you thought life would be like.... and you feel like you are so unstable....

As you are treading thru your grief..... please be kind to yourself.... eat healthy, get some exercise, if only walking.... I suggest you keep a journal of where the pain is.... what is really bothering you.... meditate....or have some quiet time....

Remember you can only change yourself and your thinking.... you can come to terms with what is happening.... you can learn to have some peace....

If you find this to be so overwhelming.... talk to a professional....

I believe everyone has bumps in the road.... some seem to engulf us.... I wish you the best at climbing out of this...

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,336
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

I think it's a stage we go through. You might need some hobbies, books to read, places to go, groups to join. Volunteer if you can. I do understand just what you're saying. We all need our space, and sometimes, we need to create a larger space for ourselves. This is your chance to get outside yourself, this is a new chapter you get to create. It's a little tough when winter kind of forces 2 peas in a pod sort of thing, but by the time you both retire, it's time to expand your limits or increase your boundaries. volunteer at the animal shelter, old folks home..some of them would love visitors. There's the library.

We finally have some sun today, it lifts my spirits and makes me feel alive again. Maybe it's a little grey where you are, so fill the hours with what you can, and when you can inhale some fresh air, increase the area of surroundings you have. Remember, time to write your own next chapter.

Good luck!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

I have always found that "life does not just happen", it is what you make of each stage of it. I found early in my life that what I did outside of my job would be very important when I retired. I have been through many types of ups and downs, some required professional mental health. Revaluate what you want at this stage of your life and make a plan how to achieve it. An individual is the only one that can make themselves happy. Too many expect other people or things to make them happy and I have found that is not how life works! My best to you and if you feel you need professional help? Do not hesitate to seek it as it could be life changing.
hckynut(john)
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,307
Registered: ‎12-08-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

On 2/10/2015 game-on said:

starpolisher..... it sounds like you are in mourning..... you are grieving the loss of what you thought life would be like....

Think about where we get the ideas of what life will be like.... where you got the images in your head.... we all have this going on.... when the real things happen we have to decide what to do with reality....

If we have a major loss we have to put walls up around us.... this is a merciful kind of protection which keeps us insulated.... we have to sort out our life.... usually we think we cant open up about our grief, our fears, our reality.... because we think we wont be well accepted.... and this takes energy.... that is why we are so tired.... we want to sleep a lot.... yet many times we cant.....

It sounds like your losses are the losses of what you thought life would be like.... and you feel like you are so unstable....

As you are treading thru your grief..... please be kind to yourself.... eat healthy, get some exercise, if only walking.... I suggest you keep a journal of where the pain is.... what is really bothering you.... meditate....or have some quiet time....

Remember you can only change yourself and your thinking.... you can come to terms with what is happening.... you can learn to have some peace....

If you find this to be so overwhelming.... talk to a professional....

I believe everyone has bumps in the road.... some seem to engulf us.... I wish you the best at climbing out of this...

game-on ~ What an amazing heartfelt response. {{{starpolisher}}}

If you want to change the tenor of your interactions, you must become aware of the impact of your words...Karen Casey
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,775
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: I seem to be fallling apart...please don't bash.

I am so sorry you are going through this difficult phase of your life. These women have given you some food for thought. Please be kind to yourself. Talk to your DH and express all of the things you have written about here and ask for his help. I am sure he is pretty tired also after probably working in "corporate America" all these years. Maybe you need to plan a vacation after retirement where you can go and relax, then come home and gradually settle into your new normal. (((Hugs to you))).