Re: I officially got thrown out today

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

And how extensive will this renovation be? I assume it includes a bathroom, but does it include a fully functioning kitchen? If not, you are back to eating a bagel in your "room." Not good.

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

@Allegheny wrote:
Oh @Laura14, I am sorry your other thread got locked. Believe me I understand your quandry. I am the same way. Being fully aware of my indecisiveness I always do the pro/con method suggested by one of the other posters. If I end up making a mistake, I forgive myself, accept it and work my way thru it. At times easier said then done. It would be wonderful if life was a sure thing and we didn't have these challenges.

All that said I am going to add more "what ifs" for your "pro/con" list.

Do you think the basement renovation would really work for you? Remember her floor is your ceiling. Would it bother you if she had gathering with your sisters and not invite you? Would there be a parking issues for you during these gatherings. Could some time in the future she tell you to stay out of the upstairs even when she is not there?
If she would divorce and return full time could you co-exist? At any time she might decide to sell the house, or "God" forbid pass away. That is something you really have to give thought to for your future.

I think you can see where I am going. I don't know your mother or truly what kind of relationship the two of your have. The problem seems both of you want what you want. No matter how much she may love you, it is still her house to do with as she pleases and unfortunately you have to accept that or move on.

I'm sorry I am so wordy, I wish you my best.

This may be the source of most of the drama.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
@Allegheny wrote:
Oh @Laura14, I am sorry your other thread got locked. Believe me I understand your quandry. I am the same way. Being fully aware of my indecisiveness I always do the pro/con method suggested by one of the other posters. If I end up making a mistake, I forgive myself, accept it and work my way thru it. At times easier said then done. It would be wonderful if life was a sure thing and we didn't have these challenges.

All that said I am going to add more "what ifs" for your "pro/con" list.

Do you think the basement renovation would really work for you? Remember her floor is your ceiling. Would it bother you if she had gathering with your sisters and not invite you? Would there be a parking issues for you during these gatherings. Could some time in the future she tell you to stay out of the upstairs even when she is not there?
If she would divorce and return full time could you co-exist? At any time she might decide to sell the house, or "God" forbid pass away. That is something you really have to give thought to for your future.

I think you can see where I am going. I don't know your mother or truly what kind of relationship the two of your have. The problem seems both of you want what you want. No matter how much she may love you, it is still her house to do with as she pleases and unfortunately you have to accept that or move on.

I'm sorry I am so wordy, I wish you my best.

This may be the source of most of the drama.

While the last part is certainly true - it's her house and she can do what she wants, I think it's unfair to say the "problem" is that both "want what they want."

It is hardly unreasonable to want to live freely in a place where you are paying rent. Who would rent from a stranger who constantly reminded you it is "their" house and they could come and go as they wished - and when they did - you were essentially relegated to a "room" in said house if you didn't enjoy their "entertaining" or whatever else they wanted to do? And who would consider it a "problem" for you to object to that behavior by the owner?

I totally get that mom is "family" but from what we've been told, she does not seem to be very concerned about how her actions affect her daughter - who has gone out of her way to help her mom through various crises in the past.

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

I am done with this, for a 40 year old ,that can afford to live on her own ,and lets her mom get away with this is just ,immature.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

We can only live our own lives. What ever @Laura14 decides to do ,is what she feels is right for her

I respect her choice

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@goldensrbest wrote:
I am done with this, for a 40 year old ,that can afford to live on her own ,and lets her mom get away with this is just ,immature.

I understand what you are saying and agree. It kind of came to me last night when I was re-reading. Based on some of the things Laura admitted I sense the rent is extremely low which has allowed her to amass large savings. It is difficult to give that up, but when you weight the pros/cons is it worth it for what the OP says she has to put up with. I'd move.

Montana · ‎03-09-2010

@Laura14, I read your more detailed explanation and I don’t think your mother wants you to leave. I think she wants you to stay, but is making it plain - her house; her rules. She has already shown you that she will not keep a verbal agreement, so can you accept living where the conditions could change at any time.

I don’t think your mother actually expected you to move, hence the renovation offer. In the meantime, until the remodel is complete, you could move somewhere with a short term lease. Then if you still prefer living with your mother, you could move back.

Being in turmoil like this is so stressful - I’ve been there - and I hope your decision, whatever it is, will give you some peace. You deserve it.

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

I'm guessing that the move to an apartment as "a true adult" is off.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@deepwaterdotter Laura posted a little bit on another forum. Apparently some kind of solution is in process. Perhaps she feels uncomfortable continuing on this thread as it may have become overwhelming for her. Anyway, to me she seems like a good person and I wish her the best.

lavinia5534 · ‎04-24-2014

@Allegheny wrote:
@deepwaterdotter Laura posted a little bit on another forum. Apparently some kind of solution is in process. Perhaps she feels uncomfortable continuing on this thread as it may have become overwhelming for her. Anyway, to me she seems like a good person and I wish her the best.

@Allegheny If you follow her posts you'll see she has trouble and controversy with people everywhere in her RL. Doesn't mean she's not a good person but it does mean like another poster said she needs to look at how she's part of the problem instead of part of the solution imho.