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Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,056
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

@JavaQueen wrote:

So feel free to pass by.

 

This is bugging me and I've already sent the party involved an email.  This is an older person sort of lacking in peoplle skills and I've known them a very long time. I tolerate a lot of things, but sometimes enough is enough. It's such a trifling thing, but I still felt hurt.

 

A few weeks ago, she had mentioned a special exhibit that I had been wanting to see; it's not cheap, but she dangled that in front of me, as payment for installing her computer printer so that it works with her ancient computer. I would be willing to set it for free.  It was a nice gesture, but I can manage the price of the ticket. We were supposed to go--it wasn't exclusiive. She was free to invite whomever. She hangs out with two other retired women who spend their entire days doing things like this. Once they mentioned they wanted to go, it all changed. She went and purchased their tickets and didn't evn ask me if I coud go that date. Rememember, she had invited me first. So she get the tickets and tells me their going and she had to puchase them in person, because she didn't want to pay the surchage. She's telling me this--the person she had invited in the first place. Then later she emailed me and said I could get my ticket online if I were free that day.

 

It was not about money; I felt like I had been disinvited, because she knew my schedule and could have asked. If she had said nothing and made arrangements, I would have been none the wiser and wouldn't have cared. I just felt like I didn't matter as a human being.

 

It's not always about the grand gestures, but it's the little things that are most telling. 

 

This has bothered me and I had to put it down. Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

 


@JavaQueen  “Older person” says a lot. Maybe she just forgot. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,554
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I need to vent!

[ Edited ]

In trying to understand what was clear and what was muddled, this seems clear:

 


@JavaQueen wrote:

Oh, no. She knew. I declined the ticket, saying it wasn't necessary that I would be glad to help her. I had a few more conversations about this exhibit and she went into detail complaining how it was to pin that one person down because of their schedule--as if I were included in this. 


 


Everything after seems muddled.  And nothing was nailed down.  There was no "Okay, I can go these days, not these other days, let me know what you can get for us."  Or, "Thanks, I can't wait to go with you, we'll have so much fun."  Nothing solid was said to let you both know for certain you were both on the same page. 

 

Sounds like she accepted your decline for whatever reason and made plans that worked for her.  And you thought she was ignoring your decline without any confirmation and you hung your hat on that. 

 

It seems like poor communication on both sides led to hurt feelings.   You are hurt and that sucks. 

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,889
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

This woman is oblivious to simple human niceties. I would NOT do a darned thing for her. You are better off without her selfish, uncaring behavior.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,427
Registered: ‎03-09-2010
She got what she needed from you (using a carrot)...then goes ahead not keeping her word and does this.

She is user....avoid her in future...your busy.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,803
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Not that simple. I wish! I provided a Reader's Digest version.

 

When I said I declined the ticket, it meant that she didn't have to pay me with a ticket to help; it wasn't necessary. She knew I was interested and we several conversations and I had given her my schedule.  In fact, I'd  even said that it would be cool to see.

 

Believe me, her feelings weren't hurt at all. She didn't even think there was anything wrong! 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,295
Registered: ‎06-06-2011

@Sooner wrote:

Don't make people a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.


Perfect ! I love this and may use it myself one day.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,245
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

@JavaQueen wrote:

Not that simple. I wish! I provided a Reader's Digest version.

 

When I said I declined the ticket, it meant that she didn't have to pay me with a ticket to help; it wasn't necessary. She knew I was interested and we several conversations and I had given her my schedule.  In fact, I'd  even said that it would be cool to see.

 

Believe me, her feelings weren't hurt at all. She didn't even think there was anything wrong! 


 

I have a "friend" like that whom I finally learned to avoid when possible. We were both invited to an event out of town. We made, or at least I thought we had, concrete plans to drive up together, attend the event together, etc. The night before we were to leave, I called to ask her what time we were going. She said oh, I'm going with Beth, another friend, and we aren't staying overnight. I said we are set to stay at my son's house. He wasn't even going to be home but said we had full run of everything, refrigerator fully stocked and to have fun. 

 

I said we don't have to stay overnight but we would be on the road for hours and not get back home until two or three a.m. She said they were going to do what they had planned. Long story short, she had been stringing me along the whole time.  I said it would have been fine with me to go on my own or with someone else. I wouldn't have wasted my time workng out the plans on the phone with her over several weeks. She does stuff like this to other people so I'm not the only one but this was the last straw for me. I rarely answer the phone when caller i.d. lets me know it's her and I ignore her voice mail messages. We still talk maybe every two or three months but that's it. 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,347
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

My initial thought was age and forgetfulness, but it appears she has done other things like this. I don't think I'd make myself available to this person when she needs help.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,554
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I'm very sorry for anyone who has their feelings hurt by someone who has no integrity, who will play fast and loose with a friendship even if there were no previous strong bonds.  Good friends don't come along every day of the week.  If she had no intention of following through with a ticket, she should have kept her mouth shut, could have offered a kindness in another way or not at all which would have been kinder than this.

 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 519
Registered: ‎09-02-2018

Sadly, some women never get out of high school no matter what age and this woman is a perfect example.  Hope you feel better soon.  I'd cut ties with her in a way that she will get the hint.  I've had hurtful situations happen to me and I just put them on permanent ignore status.