Community Chat

[JavaQueen]

So feel free to pass by.

This is bugging me and I've already sent the party involved an email.  This is an older person sort of lacking in peoplle skills and I've known them a very long time. I tolerate a lot of things, but sometimes enough is enough. It's such a trifling thing, but I still felt hurt.

A few weeks ago, she had mentioned a special exhibit that I had been wanting to see; it's not cheap, but she dangled that in front of me, as payment for installing her computer printer so that it works with her ancient computer. I would be willing to set it for free.  It was a nice gesture, but I can manage the price of the ticket. We were supposed to go--it wasn't exclusiive. She was free to invite whomever. She hangs out with two other retired women who spend their entire days doing things like this. Once they mentioned they wanted to go, it all changed. She went and purchased their tickets and didn't evn ask me if I coud go that date. Rememember, she had invited me first. So she get the tickets and tells me their going and she had to puchase them in person, because she didn't want to pay the surchage. She's telling me this--the person she had invited in the first place. Then later she emailed me and said I could get my ticket online if I were free that day.

It was not about money; I felt like I had been disinvited, because she knew my schedule and could have asked. If she had said nothing and made arrangements, I would have been none the wiser and wouldn't have cared. I just felt like I didn't matter as a human being.

It's not always about the grand gestures, but it's the little things that are most telling. 

This has bothered me and I had to put it down. Thanks for reading.

[riley1]

@JavaQueen- I get it and I've been there. Hope you feel better now that you have put it in words and "vented". This too shall pass - just remember it if there is a "next" time, lol.

[Shogirl]

I would feel the same way as you, @JavaQueen.  I think I might hesitate to do anything for this person anymore.  It's hard to continue on with relationships that appear one sided, and all it gets you is grief. 

I, like the other poster, hope you feel better by venting. 

[tobes]

Write her off --- if you cannot do this just don't allow yourself to accept anything vree from her.  Whatever she offers it seems to come with strings attached  

[jubilant]

You said it yourself...."it's the little things that are most telling".  I would agree with that.  It also sounds like, over the years, there have been lot's of "little things" going on. Only you know what your friendship means and what it is based on.  If it were me, I would cool the friendship for awhile and see what happens and go from there.  It will be interesting to see how she responds to you.  That might tell  you all you need to know.  I can understand your frustration.  

[QVCkitty1]

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@JavaQueen wrote:

So feel free to pass by.

This is bugging me and I've already sent the party involved an email.  This is an older person sort of lacking in peoplle skills and I've known them a very long time. I tolerate a lot of things, but sometimes enough is enough. It's such a trifling thing, but I still felt hurt.

A few weeks ago, she had mentioned a special exhibit that I had been wanting to see; it's not cheap, but she dangled that in front of me, as payment for installing her computer printer so that it works with her ancient computer. I would be willing to set it for free.  It was a nice gesture, but I can manage the price of the ticket. We were supposed to go--it wasn't exclusiive. She was free to invite whomever. She hangs out with two other retired women who spend their entire days doing things like this. Once they mentioned they wanted to go, it all changed. She went and purchased their tickets and didn't evn ask me if I coud go that date. Rememember, she had invited me first. So she get the tickets and tells me their going and she had to puchase them in person, because she didn't want to pay the surchage. She's telling me this--the person she had invited in the first place. Then later she emailed me and said I could get my ticket online if I were free that day.

It was not about money; I felt like I had been disinvited, because she knew my schedule and could have asked. If she had said nothing and made arrangements, I would have been none the wiser and wouldn't have cared. I just felt like I didn't matter as a human being.

It's not always about the grand gestures, but it's the little things that are most telling. 

This has bothered me and I had to put it down. Thanks for reading.

 Vent away my friend, it is a safe place to get things off your chest, ( well mostly safe ) Some people are clueless and it can be frustrating.

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[occasionalrain]

Is it possible she forgot about inviting you? If not then I don't find anything minor about it. It was unforgivable and, if someone did that to me, I would have nothing more to do with them. Their calls would go to vm and not be returned. 

[Sooner]

Don't make people a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.

[Gspgirl]

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@tobes wrote:

Write her off --- if you cannot do this just don't allow yourself to accept anything vree from her.  Whatever she offers it seems to come with strings attached  

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I completely agree.  Something like that recently happened to me and I was hurt.  I called my mom and just talking to her made me see the light.  This “friend” is a user and I have no need for her in my life.  End of story.  

[Imaoldhippie]

That person is very rude.  I would have limited time with her and as far as helping her, not anymore.