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Super Contributor
Posts: 283
Registered: ‎03-22-2015

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@ROMARY wrote:

In general:  I usually carry my cell phone into the basement/garage and also upstairs while showering/bathing.  Just in case.   Otherwise, it's usually in another room on the main floor, unless I make an effort to carry it with me.   I have a wrist strap attachment (a gift), which is very handy when carrying my laundry basket down the steps.  Otherwise, I'd be dropping it just about everywhere all day long.  Especially on stairs.  


 

 

I keep my cell phone in my purse since I have it only for emergencies. By that I mean emergencies in my car or when I'm out somewhere. I don't understand why I'd need to carry my cell phone it all around my house when I have a home phone with 5 handsets - including one in the garage!  

 

My home number is the one that I give out, and it has voicemail. I've never had a problem with anyone, including medical facilities not being able to leave a message.  I'm very easy to reach. 

 

I'm like you - if I carried my cell phone everywhere around the house, it would be dropped a lot, lol.  The only time I need to keep my cell with me (at home) is when my power and cable goes out. 

 

If the OP's friend isn't interested in a cell phone, is it possible to change her home phones?  There are lots of cordless phone options out there that come with multiple handsets. Perhaps if she had phones in every room, she might not miss the calls?  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

First I want to mention how thrilled I am to see the name Anita.  My sister's name is Anita and it is very rare to see or hear that name.

 

As for cell phones, no thank you very much.  I have one that is in my handbag when I leave the house should I have a problem.  Other than that I have a landline at home which has a Do No Disturb button which I use if I take a nap, they can leave a message on the answering machine.

 

I watch my daughter every single day hunt for her cell phone.  She had it two minutes ago and now can't find it.  We go out shopping and she doesn't stop talking on the cell the whole time she is driving.  We go into a store or a place to grab a bite to eat and it is a constant, "What did I do with my phone, I just had and now I can't find it."  It drives me crazy and I told her to find a chain big and heavy enough so she can hang it around her neck.  Heaven forbid she should forget to take in the bathroom with her.  All I can see out of what she goes through for a phone is a lot of stress, is it worth it?

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,007
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@mrsbear wrote:

It has taken me years to convince my best friend she needed a cell phone-she has an elderly mother and mother in law who are both ill and in nursing homes, she has a young grandaughter who she often babysits for and whose mom works fairly far away, and she has a husband who travels on the Interstate to get to work.  All these things made the need for a cell phone obvious. However; getting her to keep it charged and turned on has turned into a battle.  I work for her Family Physician and when she has requested that a test be arranged or a prescription be called in, it often takes 6-7 tries before she can be reached.  The excuses vary from: I forgot to charge the phone, the charger is unplugged, the phone is in my purse and I couldn't hear it etc. etc.  I finally blew up today when, after a lengthy phone battle with her insurance company, we were finally able to get a prior authorization for a test she needs.  Sent the order to the facility and of course got a phone call that they couldn't reach her.  No place is going to try repeatedly -two or three tries is it.

 

When I forcefully told her how self centered her attitude was, her response was: "I don't want to be tied to my phone.  I don't want it on all the time."  Of course, the unspoken part of those words was " like you do."  I then said fine but don't ask people to do things for you if you refuse to be available.

 

The ridiculous part is that she is a teacher and if her students behaved in this petulant, defiant way she would have none of it. I know that she would never forgive herself if something happened to her mother and the nursing home couldn't reach her.  It is as though she is playing a game with other people's time and effort.  


@mrsbear

 

You need to MYOB .....   this need to force this friend to be available 24/7 ....  and use her cellphone according to your specifications is a bit extreme.   

 

She has a landline and apparently wants that to be her main method of communicating.   Almost no one needs to be available 24/7 ... exceptions being surgeons and doctors who deliver babies.  Not everyone wants to live their lives with a phone in their hand at all times.  

 

You may think you have the right to "forcefully" tell her how to live her life, but you really don't.  

 

The title of your thread indicates you wrote this to vent ... and I hope you feel better.    I also hope you take to heart the number of people who disagree with you ... and hope you'll take a few steps back and modify your behavior.  

 

IMO, you are way too invested in this woman's life!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 683
Registered: ‎04-14-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

My cell phone is also for emergencies. My family and a few close friends have my cell number including my Doctors. But only family have  my land line phone number and somehow sales people. To which my line is, Have a nice life  or God bless and bye.  In the years(over 12) since I have  had my phone, I have never sent a text, I have only received 2, because my rule is, " I don't read  them and I don't sent them. Leave a message. Emergency call 911 then me. I only have to charge my phone every 2 to 3 days. Why? Because it not glued to me. I talk enough on the office phone at work helping or assisting  employees and customers.

Occasional Contributor
Posts: 13
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

Just checking in this morning before work-I appreciate all the comments-even those that are not so nice-I am invested in a friend of 40 years, I am worried about the fact that she is unreachable so many times, I am sorry to see her make her life more difficult rather than easier, I am sorry  for the unneccessary drama... I would love to be able to forget all about it.  I will try-I just worry that some catastrophe will happen and then she will be filled with regret.  Again-I know that is not my problem and in a perfect world it would not affect me in the least.  However....

 

Anyway thanks for letting me vent...

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,859
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

[ Edited ]

@mrsbear wrote:

@mominohio wrote:

@Anita Hug wrote:

Any "friend" who forcefully tried to tell me anything would no longer be my friend. Friends  should respect the wishes of eash other even if they do not agree.

 

I have a cell phone, but it is only for emergencies. I do not keep it on, and I only give the number out to those closest to me. If someone needs to reach me, all they have to do is call my home number - and leave a message. I'll call back as soon as I can. 

 

When did we as a society get to the place where it is an expectation that others be available 24/7?    My daughter once drove to my house in a panic because I didn't answer her texts right away. I had been working in my garden, then came in to take a bath. If I'm actually expecting a call, I'll keep a phone nearby. But if I'm not, don't expect me to drop everything to respond.  I'm not talking days, I generally get back to people within a couple of hours, and I make no apology for having my own life and priorities.


 

I couldn't have written this better!

 

There are people who want no part of being tied to phones, cell or land lines. And there is nothing wrong with it, as long as they are willing to accept the responsibility and the consequences that come from not being easily reached. 

 

My cell lives in the car, and I don't even look at it for a week at a time, sometimes. I, too, won't apologize for not being tied to the phone. Leave a message and be done with it. If I miss out on something, that is my thing to deal with. Same goes for the OP's friend. She's a big girl, let her deal with things on her own, in her own way, and let her deal with what she misses because of her phone habits.

 

I used to get chastised by friends who would email me and not get answered. I used to go months and never check email. But there is indeed this expectation today, that if one contacts someone by call, email, or text, there should be a response within minutes. Well, don't hold your breath with me!

 

This society is way too involved and dependent on technology. Most people not only don't WANT to live with less or none of it, but I don't think would be able to if they had to.


May I ask you a question-I don't mean anything personal, but does this attitude not seem very self-centered?  I often read complaints on this board about timely responses to things like gifts or invitations, rude young people, nasty seniors etc.  Does the attitude of "I'll answer when and if I feel like it"  not seem egocentric to you??  I also note a general defiance with many and a hostility toward the person/s who have had the audacity to text, email, or call on your cell phone.  Yet these same people would not hesitate to complain if their wants and needs are not attended to immediately.  In our doctor's office, patients want everything now and if I tried to tell them not to expect a call back until I was good and ready to do it, I'd be out of a job!! Shouldn't the same courtesy be afforded to those in our personal lives too?


@mrsbear

 

Sorry I didn't respond to you sooner, but somehow missed your post/question until just now.

 

I think I understand exactly what you are saying and asking here. And yes, I do think it is self centered to not be reasonably available to respond to things that are of an important or urgent nature. But we really can't control what others do. 

 

What we can control is how we react and what we put ourselves through to do for them. 

 

People have every right to be idiots. They can be lazy, irresponsible, needy, self centered or any number of other less than desirable traits. The sooner other people quit enabling those behaviors by doing for them, following up on them, catering to them, the sooner they will either sink or swim in the areas they are lacking.

 

I'm just old enough to know that all this constant and immediate connection to the entire world really isn't necessary for many people (especially older people) and life did and does go on with or without it. 

 

I think what you often see is the lack of moderation. You get some people who won't ever see the ease some of this great technology can bring to their lives pitted against those that can't stop using it for even one hour to enjoy a nice dinner and conversation. It's an all or nothing thing for many people, and where the true value in all of it lies, is somewhere in the middle.

 

But in general, many of the people I know are placing unreasonable expectations on others as to how connected everyone 'must'  or 'should' be these days, and the time in which responses are expected. And many of them are not young people.

 

Many of the middle aged or older people I know that do indeed get deeply attached to their constant use of technology and expectations that everyone be connected started because of their jobs/businesses, where it is indeed necessary today to be connected and timely. But they carried that frantic pace that is often necessary for the business world, into their personal world as well, and can't seem to shut it off, or cut it back. It's like the are on full speed constantly. 

 

I have a niece and nephew that are in their young twenties and don't know any different life than being tied to their phones. Both (at different times) put away all their technology for one month (except for work hours and work related projects during those work hours). They said they couldn't believe how different their lives were, and how much they loved it. They were amazed at the time they had for other things, the socialization that they had with people in person and using only a phone call to reach those that they couldn't see in person. 

 

In my opinion, when the cell phones were just for talking (then later texting) it was about communication. When the internet was added, it became an all consuming, time eating, habit forming task that takes many people almost completely out of the real world. 

 

Not everyone, of course, but if you have lived before this technology existed, and live now, and see how people have changed their behavior, how they spend their time, how difficult is it to communicate personally with them when their head is buried in the phone, how distracted they are by this little electronic box, it is no wonder many people just say no to it. 

 

Like most things in life, it has a varying level of value to each person individually, but it does seem that when people admit to it having little value in their lives, those who do find value in it, get very insulted. Perhaps that goes both ways.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

I'm going along with the majority opinion here.  Tell your friend that you are no longer going to be able to help her with things like medical appts and other arrangements because she is too difficult to reach.  Put the onus on her where it belongs.  Tell her daughter not to call you anymore when she can't reach her mother.  I am not sure exactly what the daughter expects you to do about it anyway .  If her daughter can't reach her how does she expect you to be able to do so?  Even if the friend were to have a medical emergency there is no guarantee that she can get to a cell phone to call for help anyway unless she is carrying it with her all the time in the house.

I consider a cell phone to be a useful device on my terms not terms that others wish to impose on me.  I pay the bill and I will use it when and how I please.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,007
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

@mominohio

 

Great post !!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,512
Registered: ‎09-22-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

[ Edited ]

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:

First I want to mention how thrilled I am to see the name Anita.  My sister's name is Anita and it is very rare to see or hear that name.

 

As for cell phones, no thank you very much.  I have one that is in my handbag when I leave the house should I have a problem.  Other than that I have a landline at home which has a Do No Disturb button which I use if I take a nap, they can leave a message on the answering machine.

 

I watch my daughter every single day hunt for her cell phone.  She had it two minutes ago and now can't find it.  We go out shopping and she doesn't stop talking on the cell the whole time she is driving.  We go into a store or a place to grab a bite to eat and it is a constant, "What did I do with my phone, I just had and now I can't find it."  It drives me crazy and I told her to find a chain big and heavy enough so she can hang it around her neck.  Heaven forbid she should forget to take in the bathroom with her.  All I can see out of what she goes through for a phone is a lot of stress, is it worth it?


 

 

 

@Lindsays Grandma

 

I would not go with my daughter if she behaved that way. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.


 

 

Her issues, her problem. You can't force her, and the more you try the more she'll dig in her heels. When something major happens she'll get a clue - or not. You can't orchestrate other people's lives. Tell her and her family that you will no longer be going the extra mile, period. And mean it. Treat her like any other patient. If you can't reach her, stop trying, just like you would with any other patient. Tell her daughter no one can reach her, even you. Let the chips fall where they may.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all