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Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,985
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

I've heard of a couple of college students who text (chat with) their parents in the middle of the night, and their parents  'text them back'........My gosh, whatever happened to students and everybody actually sleeping?  (I'm now recalling an episode on The Middle (TV series) when the daughter, away in college, was texting her parents all day and all night long.........very funny episode. 

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Valued Contributor
Posts: 714
Registered: ‎06-11-2014

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

If you read my post AGAIN...I HAVE my phone set to recieve calls from those I need too,  I am talking about people who just EXPECT me to answer BECAUSE they want me to....NOT my "loved ones in an emergency"    And no, no one needs a cell phone...it is a convience,  and I work in surgery,, we do 2 doctor emergency consents when in an emergent situation and can not get ahold of family.  and if I am babysitting my grandchildren, I am smart enough to get a notary with permission to get medical attention for them.   AND OBVIOUSLY if I have my grandchildren (as stated in my post) MY DAUGHTER can get through.   And my "elderly relatives care home is on the emergency list..My parents never had a cell phone and my dad lived to 95 and my mom is 90,  AGAIN< I was ONLY addressing those who think I SHOULD be required to answer JUST BECAUSE..

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.


I think you're out of line in getting that involved in HER life and then trying to defend your actions and attitude. You sound more like a controlling acquaintance than a truly caring friend. It's one thing to mention this to her but to harp on it seems a bit strange and interfering to me. I do not mean to be unkind, but you might want to give this a fresh look. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@libbyannE wrote:

@willdob3 wrote:

@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.


I understand your frustration & that you are attempting to help your friend. That said, she obviously is unwilling to do the things she could to be available when people need to reach her.

 

Make it NOT your business anymore and let her know you won't be doing things that require communication in a timely manner because she is unable/unwilling to do her part. Let her daughter and anyone else who complains about her to you know they will need to find another way to deal with the problem.

 

Your friend may or may not eventually take responsibility. Maybe your taking care of things for her is one reason she hasn't done that herself. If she remains hard to reach someone else will take over or she will miss very important calls - perhaps medical emergencies - and she will have to deal with that. 

 

For your own sake let go of this. Stop doing for her. It is not your problem or responsibility and let others know that. 

 

 


It is not anyone's "responsibility" to be available 24/7. My family has our cell no., and that's that. I am amazed that some people think others should be available all the time. I check emails and messages several times a day, but I do not want to be answering a cell phone all day long. I have a feeling that this " friend" is just st a bossy, nosy person who makes it her business to tell everyone what to do. 


I never suggested anyone needs to be or should be available 24/7. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,479
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

This is really not about cell phones since she also ignores the landline.

 

- Just pointing that out because so many seem to have missed that & are going on and on about cell phones. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,956
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

@mrsbear - This isn't about phones at all. It's about her getting everyone else to do her stuff. This will sound harsh, I'm sorry, but stop enabling her. Tell her daughter you are no longer her answering service and tell your friend to pick up her own phone. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,542
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones

It is my belief that when someone refuses to use technology it is because they are fearful, or don't understand it.  She may be one of those people who is confused by the technology or perhaps there is an underlying condition that is making it hard for her to learn.

 

My mom recently passed away. She was 91 years old. She never turned on a computer, sent an email or used a cell phone. I remember her saying, "I don't want to learn anything new" and when I think back, that attitude coincides with what was probably the onset of her dementia.

~ house cat ~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@stazgirl wrote:

If you read my post AGAIN...I HAVE my phone set to recieve calls from those I need too,  I am talking about people who just EXPECT me to answer BECAUSE they want me to....NOT my "loved ones in an emergency"    And no, no one needs a cell phone...it is a convience,  and I work in surgery,, we do 2 doctor emergency consents when in an emergent situation and can not get ahold of family.  and if I am babysitting my grandchildren, I am smart enough to get a notary with permission to get medical attention for them.   AND OBVIOUSLY if I have my grandchildren (as stated in my post) MY DAUGHTER can get through.   And my "elderly relatives care home is on the emergency list..My parents never had a cell phone and my dad lived to 95 and my mom is 90,  AGAIN< I was ONLY addressing those who think I SHOULD be required to answer JUST BECAUSE..


 

 

But...it's not all about YOU, and what you do and have set up, and what your family dynamics are. You made a blanket statement that NO ONE needs a cell phone, which is a pretty strong statement to make regarding "everyone." What YOU do is not relevant to stating "what it is" for *everyone*, as your statement did. 

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@house_cat wrote:

It is my belief that when someone refuses to use technology it is because they are fearful, or don't understand it.  She may be one of those people who is confused by the technology or perhaps there is an underlying condition that is making it hard for her to learn.

 

My mom recently passed away. She was 91 years old. She never turned on a computer, sent an email or used a cell phone. I remember her saying, "I don't want to learn anything new" and when I think back, that attitude coincides with what was probably the onset of her dementia.


 

 

I agree, @house_cat.

 

There were many things, over the decades, that my mother, who passed away 3 years ago just shy of 95, could have learned that she refused to learn.

 

My step-father was a very domineering, controlling person. In their household, only HE was the master of technology. He refused to teach her things, belittled her, yelled at her for getting things wrong and screwing things up, technology-wise. He spent a lot of time & effort convincing her she wasn't capable.

 

Consequently, as the years passed, she would flat out refuse to learn anything at all, from VCRs to cable to tablets to any type of phone besides a corded one, in order to avoid conflict. She never learned to properly use a cordless phone! It wasn't that she wasn't smart enough, if she had cared or wanted to apply herself.

 

After he had passed, she still washed her hands of all of it - I wondered if it was deliberate, sort of a nyah-nyah to all things tech. She would disconnect her phone constantly, leave it off the hook, hold it upside down - and while you'd *think* this was because she was senile, she *wasn't.* She wouldn't use the remote to change a channel, though the one thing she got was "Mute."

 

The kicker? My step-father died of Alzheimers in his 80s, which we figured out later started in his early 40s. The whole thing was about keeping control, in all ways.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,852
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones


@Moonchilde wrote:

@stazgirl wrote:

Maybe I am old fashioned, but no one NEEDS a cell phone.  People got along just fine without them before they came along, we all raised our children, made it to appointments, took care of aging parents, babysat and did all kinds of "normal" things without worrying whether we would miss a call. Leave a message after the beep... I spend all day long on the phone at work, last thing I want when I get home is to HAVE to answer my phone.  And yes, I have an aging mother in a care home, 2 grandchildren, a spouse who works nights.  My phone is set on DO NOT DISTURB, only those numbers I deem important will ring.   My husband"s, my daughter's and my mother's care home.. I told my kids many yrs ago when they turned 18 and they would complain that I was not avail tot hem 24/7 that I was no longer "legally" required to be there at their beck and call (NOT BEING MEAN< just took a little control of my life back)  ANd personally, I think it is RUDE to be on your ALL the time, no matter where you are or who you are with,  if your phone is more important to look than me, than I will go home and read a book instead of spending time with you.


 

Yes, you are kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face. People got along, but it wasn't just fine. People died because they couldn't get certain kinds of medical help quickly enough and hospitals often had lengthy delays contacting family regarding treatment. People had no way home sometimes and no way to contact anyone stranded out in the middle of nowhere. 

 

Pay phones were everywhere 50-60 years ago. Try to find one now.

 

What if a young grandchild you're babysitting has an accident, seizure, etc. and their parents are on vacation 3 states away - is it "fine" to not be able to keep them informed in a timely way?

 

If an elderly relative had a stroke, or even passed away suddenly at a nursing home and you were out for the day 100 miles away and didn't find out until midnight, is that "fine"?

 

Peoples' lives have been saved when they ran out of gas or had a flat in the desert, or who fell down a cliff, or whose car rolled down a cliff off the road, who would have DIED if they hadn't had their cell. Is that "fine"? 

 

I'm not speaking to your described personal use of *your* cell phone, but your statement that "no one NEEDS a cell phone." Maybe not, if they don't care whether other people, or themselves, die for not having one.


 

A second vote for no one NEEDS a cell phone.

 

We need air, and water and shelter and food. Those things are needs.

 

People today are fortunate for the OPPORTUNITY to have the CONVENIENCE of cell phones. 

 

If my relative 100 miles away dies in a rest home while I'm out shopping for the day, they were going to die anyway, and my cell wouldn't save them. I most likely wouldn't have made the 100 mile trip in time to be there when it happened if they were able to reach me anyway.

 

People in hospitals in life threatening situations are treated without permission or contacting family. They certainly don't leave someone to die because they can't locate the next of kin on their cell.

 

If a grandchild or anyone at home has an emergency and there is a land line or a neighbor close to call for help, it isn't any difference than a cell.

 

 For many years, my husband and I shared a cell phone, as he worked nights, I worked days, and we each had it while we were out and about. The few times I was out without one, and had car trouble or hit a deer, there were still many kind, helpful people who would stop and lend a hand. I have done the same when I have a phone and see someone in need. Being in a few situations and not having a phone, caused me to have to rely on the kindness of strangers, and restored my faith that there are still a lot of caring people out there.

 

Of course one can point to many circumstances where having a cell phone saved their lives or got them help when in a bad situation. But one can point to just as many people who are dead from texting and driving etc. 

 

Cell phones and all they can do can be an ENRICHMENT to our lives, but are certainly not a necessity  for basic survival, they way many want us to believe.

 

This technology is working as much to separate us from each other as it is to bring us together. A definite double edged sword.